“Where did you disappear for so many days without informing me?” Jalini saw Brahmadutt entering the palace and expressed her anger.
Brahmadutt didn’t even look at Jalini; and quietly went to his bedroom. He got refreshed and changed his clothes. Meanwhile, an attendant kept a glass of milk and breakfast for him.
Jalini came behind the attendant.
“Why aren’t you answering my question?”
“I had gone to another village.”
“Which village? What is the name of that village?”
“Vishakha.”
“There must have been some purpose of going there. Can I know that?”
“What if I don’t tell you?”
“But there might be a reason to not tell me, right?”
“Because you will get upset.”
“Oh! So you have even started thinking about my happiness and sadness.”
Brahmadutt remained silent.
In lakhs of years after marriage, god knows when Jalini gave peace to Brahmadutt and spoke to him nicely! Perhaps Brahmadutt wouldn’t be able to recall such a moment even on thinking. Then too Brahmadutt kept quiet. He would stay away from useless arguments and fights. He didn’t let his patience reduce. He didn’t let his nobility get affected even a bit!
Jalini said, “The truth is that you don’t love me at all. Otherwise you wouldn’t do anything that I don’t like.”
Brahmadutt said, “Even I can say the same thing, that if you had even a little affection for me, then you would also like the things I like! I adore my son but you hate him. He is away from us since thousands of years. He was so far away and then he became a monk! He renounced the world, still you have hatred and enmity towards him!”
“Yes I have and I will have hatred towards him not for once but thousand times! Neither was there any place for him in my heart nor did I have affection for him. Since the time he came in my womb, I have never felt any love for him. In fact, fire of hatred has kept burning towards him.”
“Have you ever estimated the future cost of this? Beings wander in awful incarnations under the control of ill-feelings. They reincarnate as an animal or in hell.
“I know all this very well. But my knot of hatred will neither open nor melt!”
“And as a result of your intense ill-feelings, neither have you attained peace of mind nor have I.”
“I have given you a lot of trouble, this is what you want to say, right?”
“But why? For what? Death is wandering around us now. We have reached the evening of life. The journey of life is about to end. At least in these last days, calm your mind!” But how would Jalini’s mind calm down? She had intense hatred towards Shikhi which was never going to end. In return to austerity, she had tamed extreme hatred, enmity and feelings of murder! Even if the rain of Tirthankar’s sermon burst on her, then too her mind wouldn’t become calm.
Jalini’s tone was becoming rude. She said, “My hatred won’t reduce till my last breath. The fire of hatred won’t distinguish. There is no need to give me lectures!”
“Then you are also not supposed to interfere in my life! If I wish, I will stay at home or go to meet my son, Shikhi! Kindly don’t come in my way!”
It was time for Brahmadutt to go to the king’s court.
***
Jalini’s mind was being trapped in thoughts of hatred.
‘I should have killed Shikhi before he accepted monkhood! How could I do such stupidity? At that time, I could have killed him in any way! He is alive and that is why Brahmadutt tries to find reasons to meet him. If he wouldn’t exist, then whom would he go to?’
She clenched her teeth, closed her fists and tried to hit in the air. Embers of cruelty were pouring from her eyes!
‘I could have choked that enemy of mine and he would have died that very moment, but that isn’t possible now!’
Jalini fell on the bed. Her head was bursting with restlessness. She lied on the bed and kept changing her sides. She thought, 'If he comes to Koshambi now, I am not going to spare him at any cost. I will make every effort to kill him!”
Shikhi did not harm Jalini at all. Still, Jalini had extreme hatred towards him for no reason. She was spreading fire of malice. And the driving force was karmic bondage!
‘It has been thousands and lakhs of years since he left Koshambi and not returned! Who knows if he doesn’t return till I am alive? Then how will I kill him? It is necessary for him to come here anyhow!
If I tell Brahmadutt – ‘Please request Shikhi to come to Koshambi. I have no hatred for him now, I will apologize to him’, then will he believe me? No, may be never. Where does he trust me now! He went to meet Shikhi but didn’t even ask me if I wanted to come along. Now no matter how much I pretend to show affection towards Shikhi using all my tricks, everything will be pointless. There is no way Brahmadutt himself will call Shikhi or get him here. Then what can be done? I cannot go alone. Brahmadutt will not even let me and I won’t even go alone! But one thing is for sure that if I go and request Shikhi, then he will surely agree to me! I have hatred towards him but he has devotion for me! If I myself go and show some devotion, cry, apologize for my mistakes and ask for penance, then he will surely believe that I have changed. He will be happy and agree to come to Koshambi. Then there will be no problem! Once he comes here, then I know how to go ahead with my tactics! I will have to pretend and I very well know how to do such acts. But Brahmadutt will not let me go. So, what should I do?’
She was quite restless that day. She couldn’t even sleep at night. Brahmadutt neglected her. However, he had himself requested Acharyaji to visit Koshambi. But he hadn’t given any confirmation. He had just said that he will think of coming to Koshambi. Brahmadutt didn’t tell Jalini about this because he knew how she would react!
Days passed. Has time ever remained locked in a cage?
Jalini made a firm decision in her mind that she will call Shikhi to Koshambi at any cost and one day, she suddenly got an idea. She got happy because she could visualise her plan getting successful.
She decided to send a letter to Shikhi with the help of her father’s friend, Somdev. Somdev was a skilled politician. He was soft spoken and dutiful. He was on good terms with Jalini. Jalini could trust her. Jalini went to her father’s house and called Somdev.
‘Somdev, you have to take my letter and one precious gem-studded blanket to the place where Shikhi is staying. Give my letter to him and gift him the blanket.’
Somdev agreed. Though he was shocked that ‘Why is the woman who always insulted Shikhi, so eager to send me to him all of a sudden? She is asking me to give him a present! Has her mind actually changed? It is possible. In the last days of life, one can regret the mistakes committed in youth.”
He told Jalini, “Alright, give me the letter!”
Jalini handed over the letter and blanket to him. Somdev left. On his way, he found out that Acharyaji was staying in a park located in the outskirts of a village named Tamaal. He reached Tamaal. He made his horse stand under a tree and went to Acharyaji.
He worshipped Acharyaji and said in a soft tone, “Gurudev, I have come from Koshambi. I am keen to meet Shikhi.”
Gurudev said, “Look, Shikhi is teaching other monks right there!”
Somdev went to Shikhi.
“Great monk, I have come from Koshambi.”
“Any special purpose?”
“Your mother has sent me, to know about your well being. She was depressed after your separation. She had been burning in the fire of remorse. She has become thin due to this.”
“My mother had remorse? That also because of my separation? Shocking! Somdev, I cannot believe this.”
“You will have to believe. You will be forced to believe when you see her letter.”
“What message has she sent?”
“She has said that - Son, women are of a narrow mind. They do unwise and thoughtless acts. They are fickle in nature. They are victims of jealousy and malice. They are opinionated and regret later. Whereas true men are solemn hearted, respectful and act with mindfulness. They are of a steady nature as well as virtuous. They consider all the pros and cons. Son, I am an unwise and selfish woman full of demerits. I have done misconduct in anger and given you pain. I have hurt you, but you are a true mother-devotee. You have never disrespected me, you are extremely courteous. But till today, I have been unable to understand how did you accept monkhood without my permission? I was angry about this and that is why I didn’t attend your renunciation ceremony. And you left without even meeting me. Son, you know a mother’s heart, right? A mother hits her son but then also hugs him.
Son, I’ve been missing you since the time you left. I admire the path that you have chosen but I cannot accept monkhood. But if you tell me any practice according to my capacity, I will surely accept it. I will follow it and reduce my sinful karmas. Son, please come to Koshambi once. My eyes are eager to see you. Please come and give some peace to my heart which is drowned in the pain of separation.
You are knowledgeable and spiritual. Please don’t see my flaws. I hope you understand the state of my heart. What can I tell you other than this? Even on your renunciation, I couldn’t give you anything. That is why, I have sent this gemstone blanket with Somdev. Please accept this small gift from your mother.”
Shikhi thought, ‘A mother’s heart is always filled with love. Usually, she doesn’t try to understand the ultimate truth. Still, the favours that parents do for their kids cannot be paid off in anyway.’
He said to Somdev, “In reality, I did not become a monk due to my mother. I haven’t left home because of her. I have accepted monkhood by getting detached after listening to Gurudev’s teachings and his autobiography of eight lives. My mother is blaming herself for no reason. Tell her to not be anxious or overthink. As far as Koshambi and this blanket is concerned, only Gurudev can take the final decision. You inform him about my mother’s feelings.”
Somdev went to Gurudev.
He greeted him and said, “Gurudev, I have come from Koshambi with a letter from Shikhi’s mother. She has asked me to request you to come to Koshambi. She is disturbed after her separation with Shikhi. She will only get peace when she meets Shikhi.”
“It is natural for a mother to wish to meet her son. And it is a son’s responsibility to fulfill his mother’s wishes. But these days, Shikhi is teaching hundred other monks. It will only be possible to send him to Koshambi after completing that.”
“Gurudev, I am very glad to hear this. I will tell Shikhi’s mother about your response. But you will have to accept this gemstone blanket. She has sent this with lots of devotion and respect for Shikhi.”
“We cannot accept such an expensive gemstone blanket. It is our general conduct.”
“If you won’t accept it, then mother will be upset. She has sent it because of her love for Shikhi.”
Pushed by the affection towards Shikhi, Acharya Vijaysinh accepted the gemstone blanket. Somdev’s heart was filled with content. He liked the environment of learning and meditation over there. He stayed there for a few days and then went back to Koshambi.
After Somdev left, Acharyaji told Shikhi, “What do you feel about your mother’s letter sent through Somdev?”
“Gurudev, I think that in the last stage of life, she has changed. The anger and hatred that she had for me has now melted. She has started admiring me. Such a change is possible, isn’t it?”
“It is possible, Shikhi! But I don’t think Jalini’s heart can change!”
“How did you make such an assumption?”
“Listen! If she had truly changed, then she would have definitely come here with Brahmadutt. But she didn’t. Moreover, Brahmadutt didn’t tell me anything about her transformation. Did he say anything about this to you?”
“No, father didn’t say anything about mother.”
“What does this mean?”
“I think your assumption is right but I am unable to understand that if her heart hasn’t transformed, then why has she sent such a heartfelt letter? What was the need to send the gemstone blanket?”
“This is confusing for me too. We need to think about this cautiously.”
Shikhi got lost in deep thoughts. Acharyaji said, “We don’t have to go to Koshambi.”
“Yes, for now we should not think about going to Koshambi. We will look into it later. Your father had told me about your mother in Koshambi only. Since the time you were in her womb, she has been trying to do everything to kill you. It is your good fortune that she could never be successful in her conspiracy. You cannot trust a person who is possessed with such feelings of enmity. Regardless of your relation with her, she cannot be trusted. Your father even told me that if you have danger from anyone, it is your mother. He asked me to protect you.
You are my highly obedient disciple. Also, you are a great influencer of Jinshasan. You are the wealth of Jinshasan. So, I need to protect you at any cost. That is why, I want you to immerse in learning and meditation, and forget about Koshambi.”
Shikhi worshipped Gurudev and said, “As you say, Gurudev.”
