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15📚|Stench of Death

TW: Mentions of suicide, mental health problems, blood and gore.

I grabbed my knife and zipped my sweater up, ready to meet my demise.

I made sure all my documents were left out just in case I went missing and they needed to identify me or call my family, the thought of family made me halt in my tracks and glance down at my phone.

I squeezed my eyes shut and let out a deep breath, "I have to do this" I needed to face my fear and talk to my dad, it wasn't his fault with what happened, he doesn't even know.

I forced my hand to look for his name and press the call button, the only thing that could be heard throughout my living room was the dial tone and the beating of my heart as it rang.

"Sweet pea?" His shocked voice came through the speaker, speeding up my heartbeat even more but I cannot say that it wasn't a relief to hear his voice and know that he was okay.

I miss him. So much.

"Dad" I croaked, almost on the verge of breaking down.

"Aw my babygirl don't cry, tell me what's wrong. I miss you" a sigh left my lips at his soothing words, the memories of running outside with him, swaying in his arms as he rocked me to sleep, him picking me up from school and going straight to the ice cream shop. It all came rushing back like a magnificent tidal wave, but also a crushing reality that he too must have been hurting.

"I'm sorry dad, you didn't deserve the way I've been treating you but it's just that so much have been going on and I don't know what to do" a single tear slid from my eyes as I spoke, it pained me to stress him out even further, I know that I was apologizing for more than not talking to him for a month. He may loose a daughter tonight and then he'll be all alone.

"it's okay sweet pea, daddy's got you, I will always be here for you, just talk to me, okay?" My dad have always been this supportive and I am grateful for him.

I sniffled and wiped away the tears just so I could get a good sentence out, "thanks dad. How's mom?" The mention of my mother was another trigger for me, she's always a tough topic and the only one my father didn't like to talk about, it and my brothers death.

He sighed, "she's gotten worst, they had to lock her up in intensive care and under strict supervision, because-" he stopped himself but I already know what he was going to say, mom tried to kill herself again and it pained our hearts to know that we would loose her this way.

"I'm sorry Celine" he cried making more of my own tears fall.

"Don't be dad, it's not your fault. Look, I have to go, just know that I love you okay?" I could sense him wiping his tears on the other end, trying to put himself together and seem strong in the eyes of his daughter.

"Yeah" he whispered, "I love you most" after we hung up, I let out a bellowing scream, good thing the two apartments next to me was vacant or I'm sure the landlord wouldn't hear the last of it but I just had to let it out. Everything was just too much.

I washed my face and got back in my head space, I made sure I had my pocket knife and and put the hood over my head before making my out.

I had ordered an Uber and when it arrived I gave him the address, the closer I got to the destination the more my nerves kicked in.

I shook away all the thoughts and tried to keep a clear head just so I could be in the right mind and plan accordingly for when I try to kill him.

I have to make it worth it.

The taxi stopped on a long strip of road that seemed as if not many people drive through here, "this is st Paul street?" I asked the driver to which he nodded, I gulped and paid him before hopping out.