I'm Not Tired (Please Let Me Sleep)

Chapter five

There was something about knowing that the days you spent on this earth were numbered.

Not the way where you'd still have about twenty-five thousand days left. But the way where the days left were in the single digits. A week. Five days. Two days. Tomorrow. Today.

It messed with your brain and mood beyond understanding.

Tommy knew this, of course, living with the feeling of impending doom had him look at things differently, had him react in more extreme ways (both good and bad). It had also put him in a position where hardly anything bothered him anymore. He had entered a state of not giving a flying fuck.

Mugging? Yea sure, go ahead, buy yourself a quesadilla with the money you took from him. He wouldn't need it anymore, at least not in the long run.

A person being exceptionally rude? Well, fuck you too, arsehole. Don't think that just because they looked to be from the upper class would save them from the storm that was Tommy's cursing. What were they going to do about it? Kill him for being rude?

His favourite energy drink flavour being out of stock? Well that's a shame, guess he just had to buy the brand then.

Money got tight? Who cares! He wouldn't make it till the landlord came banging on his door, demanding the rent anyways! Might as well waste his savings on the brand stuff!

These two dudes from the museum knowing his name despite him never having introduced himself to them? Who the fuck cares? If they were stalkers, watching his every move they'd probably find an unpleasant surprise really soon.

It was exhilarating in a way, living life like every day was the last day you'd spent on earth. Which wasn't far from the truth in Tommy's case. He still went to work on the days Jared had scheduled him but, for the first time in years, he had taken a couple of days off. His boss had been surprised at that, snarling a comment about him having the guts to actually request vacation and even going as far as asking if the money he'd miss out on due to the days off would harm him.

"I thought the money situation was a tough subject, boy," the man had sneered, "don't think you can afford the days off."

Tommy had simply smiled, a tired and resigned smile and told him that he didn't need to try and gaslight him into not taking his mandatory vacation anymore. If Jared truly wanted to he could simply refuse to sign and Tommy would be mostly powerless and forced to work.

Which he did. The prick refused at first, saying that his presence was needed and that he simply couldn't be excused for the two requested days. Tommy had painted on a saccharine smile and then threatened to take this matter to the higher-ups, knowing that Jared wasn't on top of the chain. And suddenly his request was granted. A great day for the Tommy Innit community.

It had been quite the impulsive decision to take two days off. Jared wasn't wrong, while two days definitely weren't enough to bring serious harm to his paycheck and he had just paid his landlord for this month, he still needed the money. He had an involuntary caffeine addiction to fuel, after all.

But with another close call, he had just the night prior, this time his body itself having saved him from imminent death by flinching and bringing him back to consciousness after blacking out from lack of air, he simply didn't want to risk dying at work.

Sure, it wouldn't matter where he dropped if he truly were to die in the dreamscape. But the thought of him dying somewhere nice like a park or perhaps just on the sofa in his own apartment was much nicer than the thought of dropping in the middle of an empty Museum, having worked off his arse just seconds prior.

The nights had never been easy for him, spending most of them holed up in his apartment, mindlessly zapping through the TV channels in hopes to find something proper that could take his mind off of the whole you're going to die soon thing. As much as he had tried to suppress any kind of negative feelings, always putting on this careless mask, it was tiring. Tiring in a way where it weighed down his bones, exhaustion practically ingrained in them.