ARYA

¹² [ 𝗔𝗱𝗿𝗶𝗮𝗻 𝗟𝗮𝘄𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗞𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗲 ]

This last month has been absolute hell for me. I have had non-stop checkups with Doe Castle's doctors and nurses, worried that my son could be arriving at any moment. And ever since that Adderall stunt I pulled three months and some change ago, I have been watched like a hawk, especially at night time. But on the bright sight, it's usually just Tyler who's doing the monitoring, so it's not unbearable. It's honestly just annoying in the sense that as a grown woman, I can't even be trusted with my own body.

At the start of the new year, as the Liberian tower ticked and the big hand struck 12A.M, fireworks shot off at the capital. My mom, known to Africa as Nicole, the Queen Mother, made her first public appearance, excluding my coronation, on the balcony. Our royal family waved to commoners as we wished them a happy New Year. Even my pregnant belly made an in-and-out appearance. Truthfully, I do wish that I have been able to share my pregnancy journey with my people, to the fullest extent. But, given I'm in a position of power, it would have been dangerous to do so.

The relationship that I shared with my mother was relatively distant. And can you blame either of us? This lady and I went nearly twenty years without talking. Now I was a Queen and had so much responsibility, I didn't even have time to actually sit around and just enjoy my mom's company. Likewise, I wonder if a part of her simply feels bad, knowing she had been so far away for so long. I have no memory of Nicole, mentally or photographed, from my childhood. I don't know if my mom had pictures of me, but she was an adult when she birthed me, so I'm sure she remembered my face. Still, months later, it has all been far too surreal for me. I still pinch myself at night sometimes, wondering if this life I'm living is real.

Many times more than not, my mom stepped back and allowed Madam to play mother. I feel that Nicole, my mom, thinks she has no right. I contemplate telling her that she can act like a mom, I won't be mad, but I just stop myself. What is acting like a mom when your kid is twenty and married with their own child on the way? They've navigated the love department, and the family department, and are set for life in my case. What could my mom possibly help me with? I know a lot more than she does in terms of royalty. And what I don't know, Tyler does know. So no matter what, I can find an answer somewhere.

I wore a maternity dress, a dark blue one, as I walked around Doe Castle barefoot. Pregnancy is different for everybody, but my symptoms were easygoing for the most part, other than having swelled-up feet all the time. But oddly enough, walking around the carpets and even tile floors barefoot helped the pressure in my blistered-up, red soles. I did it often and at times, Tyler would even accompany me. Like today, we walked hand in hand as I explored Doe Castle feeling extra full today, although I barely ate.

"My back aches," I said, honestly not even meaning to say it, but it was on my mind. "Wanna go to the living room and sit?" I felt for Tyler, I know these last few months were probably boring as hell. But, I've just grown tender in a lot of places. Sometimes I get an orgasm just from freaking peeing. Everything is swollen and reactive to touch and it's not my fault! But at least Tyler will know what to expect next time I have a baby, if there's a next time. We never went into depth about what we wanted for this family. The biggest thing, probably because the House of Kollie was so up the ass about it (and, quite honestly, the House of Africa as well), was producing an heir. But, in a hard-to-explain way, I understand why it was a rush for me to do so. When my father died, there was small speculation here and there that somebody killed him. Granted, my mother basically said the same thing, we didn't know what to expect. People worried that somebody was out to get me, and maybe somebody was. But at least I have continued the lineage in the case that anything ever does happen to me.