Oneshots and Other Things

Self-Deprecation ~ Part 1

I don't know where this has come from. I seem to be trying to write Ant/Stephen because why not?

This part is pre-anything happening (we are strictly in platonic and pining times :p ). Who knows where the other parts will take us? Not me because I wrote this in one sitting with no plot in mind XD

(*~*)

Because no one else noticed, it was easy for Ant to assume he was just reading into things. Admittedly, Stephen stole his attention more than most people – he had a knack for getting in trouble in the most amusing way possible but coming out on the other side unscathed and he always had a smile ready when he met Ant's eyes. Everything Ant knew about him made the things that he guessed make even less sense.

Stephen was a confident performer. He was annoyingly cheerful. His personality embodied a ray of sunshine too bright to look away from.

At the same time, Ant thought he couldn't take a compliment. He would pretend he'd done less work than he actually had when people drew too much attention to him. His smiles turned sheepish when there were too many people watching him and he wasn't in front of a camera.

Self-deprecation was one of Ant's pet peeves. He'd happily joke around with Stephen, knocking him down a few pegs when he acted a little too smug. That was allowed – that was funny. What was less funny was Stephen doing it to himself, shaking off praise with a dig at himself to take the power out of what he'd just been complimented for.

Ant saw it every year at the end of Britain's Got Talent. He and Dec would try to draw attention to the work of the ITV2 crew – to Stephen, specifically – and the younger man would give the crew their moment and then immediately return the favour, redirecting that attention straight back at them.

He once heard an interview on the radio where the host told Stephen that they'd heard he was one of the nicest people in the industry to work with. Stephen, being Stephen, made a joke about them needing to talk to Ant and Dec.

"I'm not sure they'd agree with you," he said with a huffed breath. It got a laugh out of the presenters and then Ant overthought it for the rest of the day. He wasn't annoyed at the thought of anyone believing what was being said – it was just the self-deprecation that got under his skin. Stephen was one of the nicest people to work with. He knew every crew member's name; he was punctual, organised, enthusiastic; he didn't let anything go to his head.

He didn't let enough go to his head, Ant concluded eventually. He needed to find just a hint of arrogance from somewhere to offset the chronic tendency he had to talk himself down.

Despite noticing all of this, they never talked about it. Ant made a concerted effort not to reward him with a teasing laugh when he shook off praise during one of their conversations. Sometimes, that involved insufferably complimenting him, trying to get him to accept what was being said. Almost always, that ended in frustration for one of them (Ant) and visible embarrassment for the other (Stephen).

On one particular auditions tour, Ant started to notice patterns that he didn't like. There was a new producer working on BGMT whose face didn't seem familiar from any of their other projects. Erica was just a little too confident for Ant's liking and always paired her criticism of what was taking place in front of the cameras with a disingenuous smile. She was like a walking, talking version of Stephen's self-deprecation and it was even harder to stomach, hearing it come out of someone else's mouth.

Throughout the entire first city they were based in, Stephen had merely nodded along with the feedback she was giving, polite smile never dimming. Even in private, he didn't rise to Ant's provocation when he complained about Erica sucking the fun out of everything they were doing. He'd shrug slightly, normally saying something that aligned far too much with what she had said – about himself. As if he believed it.