My heaven, My hold

the most beautiful flower

Since I still have some symptoms, panic attacks and fainting spells, I was supposed to stay in the hospital 2 weeks longer.
I used to visit Delaney regularly, she couldn't speak as she wasn't awake but it was nice to see her. Several days had already passed and there wasn't one that Dean hadn't visited me.
He had shown me this funny card game, there you have to lie and you can't get caught, I'm bad at lying, so he usually wins.
He brought me delicious food every morning, noon and night and we ate it together while watching a movie. I was always taking pictures with the new camera Dean gave me and he was so nice and kept buying me new film.
I felt so comfortable in his presence, sometimes I'm a bit nervous, but so is he.
I miss him when he drives home, which is weird, we've only known each other for a few days.

Look what I brought you, your favorite food"
He burst into my room, which was now beautifully furnished.
To the left, next to the window, there were a lot of pictures that I took when I was in the hospital.
Mine were on my desk Cue-type ideas for my new books, I have a lot of time to think here.
Dean brought me something different every day, first it was a necklace, then a bunch of forget-me-not flowers, next it was a beautiful red fountain pen and today it was a book, in this book I am supposed to write everything that reminds me of him a flower, a place, a word, a name or an image.
I don't know what the book is for, but he gave it to me and was happy like a little kid, that made me really happy too.

The last few days have been the best of my life, we keep thinking the same thing, I feel like I've known him forever and when he walks into the room, it feels like home.
His green eyes, which sometimes beam at me as if I were everything, the world.
He's so caring, when I panic he's there, he doesn't say anything but he comes to me and takes me in his arms. I wish I could hold him and never let go.
We are connected, it's like we've been looking for each other for a lifetime and finally found each other.
I can't explain it, but it's the right thing.

Dean pulled me out of my thoughts as he hung the plate full of pasta with minced meat, leeks and a bit of cheese spread on mine in front of me bedside table.
„Farfalle, that's your favorite"
I smiled it's all so perfect, except I'm in the hospital and my best friend is dying.
"Thank you Dean. Tell me, why were you in the hospital when I knocked you over?"
Dean looked thoughtful for a moment, then he started to smile, which is my favorite way.
„My brother has become a father"
„Do you want to see a picture?"
„I really need to show you a picture"
I laughed, he had a brother and I didn't know that but the way he's happy they are very close.
"Sure, show me"
He showed me a picture of a little girl dark hair and brown eyes, she is very small, as a newborn is.
"This is Kira"
"My brother's name is Sam"
Without thinking, I quickly asked,
„May I take a picture of that photo?"
He laughed and finally shook his head he allowed me.

"I should go to Delaney, I haven't been there today" "Go ahead, I'll take you there, you shouldn't walk" Caring, as always.
I sat alone in her room, so impersonal, like she wouldn't wake up, like she wasn't human.
This made me angry, she mustn't go, I have to find this guy. I saw on the monitor that her heart was beating slower, the doctor had already told me it wasn't going to get any better.
I was scared, my best friend, we had been through so much together, the camping holidays, the school trips, the slumber parties, our April Fools jokes and our favorite place that i never took a picture of, because we wanted to keep it special.
I cried quietly, that can't be, she has to wake up, I have to tell her about my hospital accident so we can both laugh.
This must be an April Fool's joke in August, my birthday is coming up, she must be awake.
The monitor sounded an alarm, the bed was big enough, I thought about it for a moment and then I finally sat down next to Delaney on the bed. I lay down and started looking at the old videos I shot many years ago on my camera.
It was her birthday, a few days after mine, she was dressed up as a present and we were sitting at the big table in the garden. There was a huge cake, she turned 8, we sang her favorite song "Take on Me",
I don't know what was great about it but since she liked it, I liked it too.
I held my camera like she was watching, like she was awake and laughing with me.
The alarm got louder, no doctors came, did they know? I put my arm around her, being careful not to yank a cable. I slowly started to sing her song, it didn't fit the situation but she loved it, no she still does, she's alive.
I started crying harder, I had to let out everything that had accumulated over the last few days, who does something like that? who kills people I said to her
„It's okay," I sobbed.
„You can go, I'm not mad at you, everything's fine."
„Wait for me when you get there, I hope it's there like we always wanted it to be"
„I promise I'll find him"
Why did the good people always have to go first? Of course everyone knows the saying: If you go to a flower meadow, you pick the prettiest one first. bullshit.
I covered her up, it looked like she was freezing.
She looks like she's sleeping peacefully.
It beeped once.
Twice.
And then not at all.
It just stopped, the world just kept turning.
Nurses and doctors stormed into the room, why didn't the world stand still? My best friend died and no one cares. Everything goes on. That's not fair.
I hit the wall. Once. Twice. 3 times. So many times until I got pulled away.
I screamed as loud as I could, everything happened so fast, it was getting dark again. Damned.
What is that always.