My heaven, My hold

long awaited

Dean's point of view
I was back in the bunker, I haven't been this mad in a long time, how could he.
,,Dean? What's up ?"
I went into the library and started throwing chairs around the room, more and more.
,,Dean!"
"Sam, go!"
He stood there shocked, he looked quite overwhelmed, but I didn't care.
I saw him go to his room the more I passed Castiel thought, the angrier I got.
My blood was boiling, I've never been so angry.
Angry and hurt.
I had almost forgotten what he looked like, how he smelled, and what his voice sounded like, now he just stood there and was spotlessly perfect, that's not fair. At that moment I felt like I was drowning in my anger, or was it my love, for him ?

Sam's point of view
I didn't know what happened, I was reading when dean came in and threw everything around.
I already knew it from him, but this time it's different, it was desperation, anger and love, I knew my brother very well.
I didn't hear anything anymore, he must have stopped, I think I'll give him some space and go outside for a bit, it's very nice weather.

I opened the door and a breeze of warm summer air came towards me, it smelled of sun and Forest.
I saw something out of the corner of my eye, a shadow, I turned around quickly and calmly, a man. "Hello?"
I was confused who or what was that, why sat that boy right outside our door? He got up, he looked worried and was quite red from the sun, he had to be here a little longer sit.
"You- I, is Dean in here?"
I rolled my eyes, another of Dean's guys, my goodness, he finally had to stop this.
"He's not in the mood for any more of you right now"
I was about to turn and go
"Another of us? from who?"
He said it softly, he looked shyly at the floor and his cheeks blushed a little.
"Another of you men"
Something changed in his gaze, weird but I don't care.
,,I-"
,,What ?"
I was getting annoyed, why didn't he go away, Dean's girls were definitely easier.
"Please let me see Dean"
"GO!"
I yelled at him, I'm not really like that, but the last few months have been hard with Dean, not even once here I had peace.
I saw tears forming in his eyes, now I felt bad so I tried to be nicer.
,,What's your name? I am going to tell him"
He hesitated,
,,C-Castiel"
I was shocked like I hadn't been in a long time, I had so many questions.
"You- you're him? How-"
He looked at least as shocked as me I guess he didn't know who I was and why i knew him
"I'm Sam, sorry but Dean drives me crazy"
He smiled slightly and nodded in understanding, he was shorter than Dean, just a little, but shorter.

I took him to the bunker, he was very excited, I noticed that immediately.
He ran cautiously at first, but when he saw Dean he started running.
Dean sat on the floor in front of an empty bookshelf, his knees drawn up against his body and buried his head in it.
I could hear him sobbing up to here, it hurt my heart.
"Dean!", Castiel said.
He ran to him and stood there briefly, Dean didn't move an inch. I stood by now, curious what will happen next.
,,I am so sorry"
he whispered while sitting down next to Dean on the floor.
Dean was sobbing a lot more now, I wanted to bring Castiel back out, he made it worse, but Dean had wanted to see him again for months.
"I won't go anymore, I promise"
It was too private for me, I literally saw the sparks flashing in the air.
I left.

Dean's point of view
He was in here, I didn't even realize it.
I didn't know how much I actually missed him, but when I stood across from him in the store, I was torn.
"I won't go anymore, I promise"
I wanted to, but I couldn't believe him, he left before without hesitation.
I couldn't say anything, no words could describe how I feel now, but one thing I know, it hurts a lot.
I had cried for the first time in years because of a boy, it just came and he didn't care, he was sitting here next to me on the floor with an arm around me and didn't say anything. I wasn't uncomfortable.
"I didn't think it would hurt you so much, if I left" How then, he doesn't know that I love him, he probably thought we were normal friends.
I wanted to hate him, hate for everything he's done.
I wanted to hate his laugh, hate his voice, hate his face, hate his decision but all I feel is love. For him.

I couldn't stop crying, he was sitting next to me, but I couldn't.
I could hardly breathe, my eyes were red and my heart was racing, he must have noticed, he took his arm away.
„Dean, please look at me"
...
„No"
I whispered, it was all my voice could do now, it was almost gone. If I were to look at him now, I couldn't anymore.
He moved, please don't go, please.
He put his hand under my chin and gently pulled my face up, I had no strength to resist.
I looked down, he probably saw me now, but I don't saw him.
"Dean! look at me"
I didn't change my gaze, I continued to stare at the devastated room, hoping he would permit.
But instead of letting it go, he put his hand back under my chin and pulled me closer to him.
My heart was still beating way too fast from the crying, I was still crying.
He approached me and I couldn't help but look at him.
As expected he looked perfect, a bit red, his hair was tousled and sticking out in all directions, but it looked really good.
But as expected it got worse seeing him for so long and I will never understand how and why he left me so easily.
Everything came in one fell swoop and I lost the Control.
I burst into tears again, but before I could turn away again, he turned me to him, I looked straight into his light blue eyes, which were all blue from the sky.
He probably realized I won't calm down so quickly, I've never had anything like this.
Before I knew it, his lips were on mine, it had a calming effect and that's why my heart slowed down again and my tears started to dry.
He stopped, pulled away, looked at me very closely and started smiling.
How I missed that smile.
He gently wiped the last tears from my face.
I smiled.