jayfeather x briarlight fanfic :3

chapter 5: jayfeather

Did he love Briarlight? Of course he did. Stupid stupid stupid! Why'd you try to hide it?

Jayfeather's heart fluttered at the thought. Just a few moons ago, he had been assuring Hollystar that he would never fall in love with Briarlight. But he did. He was sure. And he wanted to it be over as soon as possible. 

Quick and painless. Tell her you like her, and then face that she doesn't like you back. She thinks I don't remember the time she told me she'd tell me her crush the day after. He knew he was slowly developing a crush! He missed her more and more in their break, and he even asked Cinderheart about it and she said that it sounded like the beginning of a crush. 

Jayfeather liked to think that she was lying. 

She was not.

He sighed and padded over to Briarlight in the clearing, catching butterflies. "Hey. We're going on a walk," he hissed.

Briarlight beamed at him. "Really? Thanks!" She got on her two legs properly and padded away with Jayfeather. 

"So... uh... I have something to tell you." 

"Yes?" 

"Well, for a while, I only thought you were a friend, and then during our break I was upset and Cinderheart said it was the beginning of a crush. I didn't want to believe her, so I didn't. I lied to those around me, and I lied to Hollystar. Briarlight, I love you." 

Briarlight took a step back. "Jayfeather... when I was going on about my crush, it was you." Jayfeather stiffened. 

"Really?" He tried not to smile his ears off. 

"Well... does that mean we're in some sort of relationship?" Briarlight asked, as if recoiling. 

Jayfeather took a grimace. "Uh... I guess so. But... I've never been in one of these. Well... I mean, I guess have been in a relationship before, but that was far, far in the past. Y'know, Half Moon." A strange feeling washed over him. Do I love Briarlight more than Half Moon? I thought she was the only cat I would ever love. I would die for her. 

Jayfeather tried to stop himself from crying at the memory of his old lover. Half Moon. When Briarlight and I die, who will I choose? Once I'm in StarClan, I can be in love again. So with who? Surely Half Moon loves someone else now. She'll choose them over Jay's Wing, surely? 

I love them both. I guess... I'll just do that? I don't know! I'm not dead. "Yes, I think we should get into... like, a half one. Remember it's against the code. I mean, not that I really care, just that..." 

"Hollystar," Briarlight finished. "And the possibility of kits."

Jayfeather shook off the thought. "Whatever! We both love each other, and we both want a mate with the wrong cat. But something's telling me you're the right cat. So, I don't really know what to do, so let's take it slow please. I don't want to do any of that tail twining or muzzle touching yet, I just want to know you love me... and treat each other like lovers," he mewed. He hated every second of it. 

"Of course."

_

Jayfeather rushed into Hollystar's den. "Hollystar, I have to tell you something." Hollystar was sorting the maple leaves from the oak leaves in her den. "Something important." 

She whipped around to look at him. "What is it?"

"I don't know what I was doing! Hollystar, please, please, please forgive. I love Briarlight. Moons ago I was telling the truth when I told you I didn't love her. But I love her now, and I told her, and now we're in a sort of relationship or something!" Jayfeather sobbed. 

"Good for you. Me and Cinderheart could use a friend on our romantic walks." 

"But it's against the warrior code!" He argued. "Aren't you angry?"

"I'm done with that chapter!" Hollystar roared. "It caused me nothing but pain. Cinderheart saw more in me, but she was the only cat! I'm going to let you, as long as Briarlight doesn't have your kits," She finished.

Jayfeather backed out of the den. "O-okay...  this is too much, going too fast. I need a second." He ran out of her den and into his, and Briarlight was waiting for him. 

"Hi, Jayfeather! Do you want to play a moss ball game with me? Cinderheart took her kits to the lake and now I've got no one!" She complained. 

Jayfeather wiped away tears. "Okay, fine, but don't get used to it!" They chuckled, and Briarlight tossed the ball to him. He tossed it back. 

"So it's just this?" He grunted, catching the ball perfectly.

"The kits love it," Briarlight replied with a snicker. "That's mostly the only reason I play it now. You wanna steal some moss from the elders?" She added in a mischievous tone.  

Jayfeather barked a laugh. "No! Some apprentices spend all day collecting moss for them! Let's steal from Lionblaze's nest. Then we can tell him it's just a family prank!"

_

It had been fun with Briarlight, but Jayfeather got stuck in his thoughts about Half Moon again. I love her so much. Her beautiful blue eyes remind me of the Sun Drown place. Or  at least, the dream I had about that one time. She loved me, too. He choked on his tears. Why is it me cursed with these feelings? Why must I choose?

Half Moon... she's great. I really, really love her. But she'd want me to be happy. And I'm very happy with Briarlight. I know that she'd let me choose Briarlight. But Half Moon told me she'd be waiting for me, and I've been counting down the days. For a while, I was excited to die, just so I could see her. Until... me and Briarlight got closer. I've tried to bury my feelings for Half Moon in my feelings of resentment for whatever was bothering me that day. But I can't avoid it. She's one of the only things I can think about right now. I love her so much, but I also love Briarlight. It's a battle of who I love more, because I know that Half Moon would let me love Briarlight in StarClan. It's her or Half Moon.

Briarlight. I guess I'm supposed to love Half Moon every time I  become Jay Whatever in the next life. Jay's Wing loved Half Moon. But  Jayfeather loves Briarlight. What does Jayfeather want? He wants Briarlight. I love Briarlight more. It doesn't mean I can't love Half Moon. It means Briarlight... is my mate.