The Far Away Bear (mxm)

Chapter 16: To Know

Arlow POV:

I knew this was coming.

I knew one day I would have to tell Jaden everything, but I didn't think it would be like this.

After all the time we've spent together, I thought that it might be enough. I thought maybe, if nobody found out, I could keep him tucked away in our cliffside cabin, safe from the world.

Just our small family.

But I was wrong.

"Jaden, can you hear me?" I whispered next to him. Ever since he saw Maria change forms, he has been clocked out, staring off into the distance, his skin pale white like a ghost.

I'd moved us away from the platform and excused us from the Elders who more than understood. With Jaden staggering by my side, I'd lead him to a room we used for the cubs to play in during the winter months or on rainy days and sat him down on the closest couch, surrounded by stuffed animals and play things.

He wore a purely shocked expression, one I hated to see.

But understood.

He hated bears. He was terrified of them. Now he was here, now he had just seen something right out of a nightmare right in front of him just a few inches away from his face.

He was shaking, fingers trembling on his lap.

"I'm sorry..." I let the words fall from my dry lips, surprised when his gaze shot up to meet mine."I'm sorry I... couldn't tell... I wanted to.. but..."

"But who would believe it?" he whispered back.

We sat in silence for a moment, me kneeling in front of him in a silent apology.

My heart was hammering in my head, I swore I could feel the pulsing about to burst out of my ears and bleed all over the carpet.

His nervous words broke through the thick air.

"Are you all...do you all just.-.."

I tilted my head, looking up at him, attempting to take his hand, but he flinched back from me a little. My chest tightened, and I didn't try a second time.

"Let me explain," I started, trying to get him to look at me again. When he didn't, I went on anyway.

"We're Bear shifters Jaden, all of my family. Nobody here will hurt you. You don't have to be afraid of us. I couldn't tell you because it's forbidden, we can't tell anyone what we are. To protect us, our secret."

Jaden chewed on his lip, breaking the skin. "And Peat too? He's a bear?" He asked timidly, playing with the lace of his shirt.

I shook my head. "No, not Peat, he's... well, I'll let him tell you about that later." I sighed, my guilt weighing me down to the pit of my stomach. I'd lied for so long, and I hated it, I never wanted this. I never wanted to lie about who and what I was.

Jaden looked at me confused. "He's something else?" He croaked "what the fuck?" He shook his head, trying to make the world line up properly. I knew this was tough on him. Everything he understood to be true was jumbled up, thing's were wrong in places.

Suddenly, every thought was possible, the existence of everything imaginable.

His chest was beginning to rise and fall rapidly, and I broke out of my daze in enough time to realise he was having a panic attack. Quickly, I got to my feet and wrapped him up into my arms, holding him tightly to my chest and gently rocking him side to side.

"Shhhh...its alright, I know...this is a lot to take in. Breathe slowly, Jaden. I've got you, take deep breaths in, slowly now...." 

Jaden was gripping my shirt tightly between his fingers and holding on for dear life. His eyes clasped shut as he tried to fight the fear that overflowed in him.

Slowly, he calmed down, easing out between breaths. He looked so tired, and I really couldn't blame him. I don't know what it's like to find out that something like this is real, but I can imagine it's like standing on solid ground that suddenly opens up into a sink hole, swallowing you up without any warning.

Jadens eyelashes fluttered against my neck, the damp tickling making me realise he had tears in his eyes.

"The bear I saw in the woods, when i was getting mushrooms... was it... was it you?" His voice cracked under the strain, and I winced, nodding.

"Yes."

I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"And... the b-bear that... did you... my tent, was that you too?"

Quickly I shook my head and looked down at him "no, no that was not me. That was someone else." I gritted my teeth, my jaw clenched at the memory of finding him laying at the base of the tree.

It was not me.

It was someone I didn't like to think about.

"Peat and I found you there, we brought you back to our cabin to help fix you up and called for our Slueths healer." I tilted his head up to look at me, his chin resting on my forefinger as I gave him my sincere look.

"We had nothing to do with it."

Jaden was giving me that look, the one that I've come to adore. That sweet look that echoed the words 'I trust you' but were always mixed with a sadder exterior, one that gave me the sensation he was worried I would break that trust.

It was painful to know that right now, he was more than definitely scared of me.

"Arlow, I need to ask..."

I held my breath and nodded.

"...what's going to happen to me now?" His lip trembled, and I caught his hand. This time, he didn't brush me away. I held it tightly and leaned in with a determined look. "Alright, you listen to me. Nothing bad will happen to you, I promise. Now that you know what we are, you will be welcomed into the Slueth with the rest of us."

Jadens ghostly pale face was unreadable as I went on, simply looking up at me and soaking in everything I was telling him.

"The Slueth is what we call our family. It means all of us. So when you join, everyone will protect you, everyone will be your family."

Jaden snorted with a grin, and it took me off guard. He began to chuckle, so I poked him on the shoulder. "Hey, what's so funny about that?"

He swatted my hand. "And you say you're not the mafia." He laughed.

"For fuck sake Jaden we are not!" That only made him laugh harder and I even found myself grinning at his dumb antics. Only he could find this funny, only he could still make jokes after all of this.

Jaden calmed down, and his giggling eased off to another comfortable silence. It seemed he was using that laugh to break the tension he felt, and I have to say it helped me as well.

Jaden sat beside me now, both of us on the couch staring at the playmat on the floor, hands clasped together.

"This is incredible, really." He said calmly, looking ahead."I'd never in a million years believe it if I hadn't seen it." He sighed."There's so much I don't know. All of this is insane, I can barely think. There's so much to ask and take in."

His brows furrowed, and I couldn't help but bump my shoulder against his. It made him grin and snort, looking over at me with curiosity.

"We got time, plenty of it. I'll tell you everything you need to know." I smiled, hoping that now I could finally connect, finally get to know him the way I'd wished to. Now that I had no secrets, the world was lifted from my shoulders. I just hoped the weight hadn't fallen on his.

"Come on, we need to get back to finish the ceremony."

Jadens hands began to shake, and he swallowed thickly. He was obviously frightened of the idea of seeing another bear so soon. But he bravely nodded his head and got to his feet.

"Alright..."

If only he knew how much I admired his strength and how badly I didn't want to lose him. How badly I wanted to express how I felt.

I stood up beside him and opened the door. A warm orange light flowing into the dark room from outside gave us a soft hue.

"Let's go." I smiled.

"Let's go."