Futile - Dazai angst.

1/2 of work

"I got a feeling now my heart is frozen" -Rhinestone eyes, Gorillaz

TW: implied self harm scars, may be more, if so comment them :D

If you see the song/artist references tell me 🥰🥰

Once Dazai woke back up from his (horrible) slumber he realizes he's 2 hours late for work. He just sighs and figured he'd skip it, but remembers that Yosano wanted to talk with him about something and he should probably tell Atsushi that he listened to his advice. He opens the journal and decides that in the blank space on the page, he'd write about his sleep. Although he didn't dream very often, he had nightmares very commonly. He grabs the same crimson pen with the rusty orange ink and presses it against the soft paper. Just from the small amount of pressure the ink flooded down into a small puddle, going through the page onto the next and soaking it up like a poor quality sponge. He carelessly writes everything down, the details and all.

As Dazai made his way to work, he realized that he forgot to put on bandages so he makes his way to a random store that has a sign labeled 'Old Yellow Brick,' he thought it seemed strange since honestly who in the right mind would name their convenience store that? He wasn't very sure. As he walked in, it looked actually decent. The store had yellow-orange lighting, but it wasn't spread very well. The aisles were dark and the outside of the aisles were lit brightly, it definitely played with his eyes and not in a good way. He walks to the cashier and can see the cashier roll his eyes in an antagonizing manner.

'How may I help you, erm.. sir?' The cashier muttered, it was clear that the cashier wasn't sure if he was a man, woman, or other. Dazai just steadied his breath loudly to annoy the worker.

'What aisle are the bandages in?' Dazai mutters, the cashiers annoyed look went away and got exchanged with a look of surprise. The cashier thought for a second about what aisle they were in.

'Check aisle 5, if not then 05. There is a different in them. 5 is medical, 05 is like clearance medical items.' She said, her tone gave away the fact that she was both worried and annoyed at the same time. Dazai memorized 505 and reads the aisle numbers. Dazai nods and walks over to aisle 5, reading the contents of the sign overhead of the aisle. The sign stated that it contained bandaids, gauze pads, medical tape, gauze wrap, and rubber bandage wrap. He sighs and walks into the aisle. He saw the bandages were out but decided that gauze wrap would be okay for today so he kneeled down and began to read the boxes that contained gauze wrap. Once he picks a small box up that was being sold for ¥698.00 (it was an accidental number) he walks back up to the register. The cashier from previously was still there and Dazai was now able to read her name tag, which stated 'Melanie'. She held a clear smile on her face compared to the look earlier. 'Anything else, sir? Or is this all?' She stated, speaking soft and calmly. For a second he glimpsed over the thought of asking her for a double suicide, instead he just shook his head and took the box since he already payed for it.

Once he got to the outside of the agency he began to open the box and wrap only his arms since his neck and legs already had bandages from the previous day. Once he was somewhat satisfied with the wrapping he had done, he walked into the agency and threw the box away. As soon as he entered the actual building he was met with a very worried Atsushi. As soon as Atsushi saw Dazai his face melted from a worried to a fake joyful but somewhat angry expression painted on his pale face.

'Dazai-San! Where were you? You scared me, I thought you actually had done-' Atsushi wails, deciding to cut himself off, pulling Dazai into a gentle hug. Atsushi, the only coworker and person that actually acted like they liked Dazai, had tears. He had actual genuine tears poking at the rims of his eyes, moments away from spilling and running down his face. 'Please don't disappear like that again, Dazai-San!' Atsushi whined, choking back something that sounded like a sob. Dazai sighs, he didn't deserve a kid like Atsushi. What had he done to meet such an amazing kid as Atsushi, anyways? He wasn't entirely sure. Even though he was 22 years old and Atsushi was only age 18, Atsushi still showed care and worry for him.