If I Was Your Man

10 - Double Back

Selah strolled down the apartment corridor with purpose, halting abruptly at Amar's door. Her heels clicked against the polished floor, echoing in the quiet hallway. She felt like her heart was going to beat out of her chest. With a shaky hand, she knocked with urgency, as if her life depended on it. Her breath caught in her throat when the door swung open, and there stood Amar, his eyes hard, his jaw tight. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days.

"Amar, we need to talk," Selah said, trying to steady her voice, her eyes searching his.

Amar didn’t say a word at first. He stared at her, unreadable, a storm brewing behind his gaze.

"Please," she added, almost whispering.

Amar hated seeing women in distress, especially Selah. Despite everything, his heart still softened at the sight of her. Reluctantly, he widened the door, motioning for her to step in.

Selah stepped inside and immediately noticed the boxes, half-packed and labeled. Her chest tightened. "You’re leaving?"

"Yeah," Amar said gruffly, running a hand through his dreads. "I'm not trying to be here when all this toxic shit keeps popping off."

"Dante won't press charges," Selah said quickly, hoping it might change something. "He's more guilty than you are."

Amar laughed dryly. "I’m not worried about jail. I’m just... done, Selah. It ain’t worth it no more."

Selah crossed her arms, feeling defensive. "What’s not worth it? Me?"

Amar didn’t look at her. He kept organizing, folding shirts with more aggression than needed. "Selah, I’m the friend Giyani's been referring to all along. I saw that nigga disrespect you every time you stepped outside the house. And instead of facing the truth, you clung to him like your soul was tied to his bullshit."

She opened her mouth, but Amar cut her off.

"I told Giyani in hopes she’d open your eyes, but you never listened. I watched you take back a man who broke you down over and over again. And you wanna know what hurt the most? When you had the nerve to stand by him after everything. That shit cut deep."

Selah was silent for a moment. The weight of his words hung in the air.

"I didn't know you were Giyani's friend," she admitted softly.

"Does it matter?" he snapped. "All I ever wanted was to protect you. Love you right. But you chose pain. And now? Now you wanna come back like nothing happened."

"I love you, too, Amar," she said, her voice cracking.

He turned, his face twisted in disbelief. "Don’t do that, Selah. Don’t say that shit now because he hurt you again."

"It’s not because of him!" she said, stepping forward. "Amar, I’ve always loved you. I was just scared."

"Scared?" Amar scoffed. "I was scared too. Scared of wasting time on someone who couldn’t see her worth. But I still showed up for you. Every time."

Selah swallowed the lump in her throat. "Please don’t leave."

"I have to," Amar said quietly, walking toward the door. "I can’t be nobody’s second choice. Not again."

"I'm not going anywhere," Selah said, her voice more firm. She moved past him and shut the door. "Not until you hear me out."

Amar sighed heavily, walking to the couch. He sat down and motioned for her to speak.

"Amar, I know I messed up. I know I stayed with someone who treated me like shit because I was used to pain. I let him shape how I saw love. But you? You make me feel safe. Whole. Like I matter."

"You matter," Amar whispered.

"Then let me in," Selah pleaded. "I’m not asking for forever right now. I just want a chance."

Amar stared at the floor. "It ain’t that easy, Selah. I got walls too."

"We can tear them down together," she said, kneeling in front of him.

He looked into her eyes, seeing the sincerity, the pain, the longing.

But he shook his head. "Not today."

Selah stood slowly. "Okay. Then I’ll wait. Not forever, but long enough for you to know I mean it."

She walked out, leaving Amar alone.

---

Later that night, Amar sat at a bar with Giyani. Who was ironically his bestfriend too, outside of Selah. The neon lights cast a moody glow on his face.

"Rough day?" Giyani asked, sliding him a drink.

"You could say that."

He spilled everything. From Selah showing up to the confession.

"You love her," Giyani said simply.

"Yeah. But love ain’t enough when you’re tired."

"Maybe not. But forgiveness is. And patience."

"She chose him."

"And now she’s choosing you. Don’t let your pride block your blessing."

Amar mulled it over, his heart heavy.

"Give it time, Mar. Healing takes time."

He nodded, unsure but hopeful.

Giyani gave him a small smile. "She’ll be back. And when she does, try not to push her away."

Amar stared into his drink. "I’ll try."

And for the first time in weeks, he let himself imagine a future where Selah was in his arms again—this time, for good.