If I Was Your Man

10 - Double Back

Selah strode down the apartment corridor with purpose, halting abruptly at Amar's door. She knocked with urgency, as if her life depended on it. Amar yanked open the door, startling her.

"Amar, we need to talk," Selah pleaded, locking eyes with him.

Amar remained poker-faced.

"Please," Selah implored.

Amar hated witnessing women in distress, so he relented to his heart's desire. He widened his apartment door, welcoming Selah inside.

Once in, Selah noticed Amar packing his belongings. She surmised it was a result of the recent altercation. "Dante won't press charges. He's more guilty than you are."

Running his hands through his hair, Amar glared at Selah with irritation. "It's good you know your man, but I'm not concerned about going to jail. I'm leaving because it's not worth living here anymore."

Anticipating jabs from Amar, Selah steeled herself. "I don't get it. What's not worth it?"

"Selah, I'm the friend Giyani's been referring to all along. I've witnessed your weak excuse of a man cheating on you day in, day out. I reported it to Giyani, hoping you'd have the sense to leave him. The difference between me and him is that I love everything about you, while he only loves what you bring to the table. Your apology and sob story are unnecessary. I'm a man; I'll be fine." Amar declared, egotistically patting his chest.

Initially, Selah was hurt, but she felt a wave of relief wash over her. She feared that Amar might hide his true feelings. She didn't care that Amar was Giyani's friend. "I love you, too, Amar," Selah whispered, embracing him.

"Don't do this, Selah." Amar sniffled, nudging her away gently.

Knowing Amar's feelings for her, Selah returned, needing to persuade him. "Amar, I know that. I don't want to be with Dante. I want you to understand," Selah pleaded, reaching out to him.

"I'm sorry, Selah," Amar muttered, turning towards the door. "But you need to leave. I'm not anyone's second choice. You can't just double back when things don't work out with that nigga."

"I'm not going anywhere," Selah protested, firmly shutting Amar's door. "Not until you hear me out."

Amar sighed, retreating to his couch to face Selah. "Go ahead, Selah."

Selah took a deep breath, composing herself. "Amar, I know you think I'm weak and don't deserve you, but that's not the case. I'm not perfect, but I do love you. That hasn't changed."

"Selah, I could never be with someone as weak as you. You're damaged goods, and I'm done trying to play captain save." Amar declared, getting up to leave.

"Amar, I'm not damaged!" Selah protested, following him.

"Yes, you are. You're a walking disaster. You let trash dictate your treasure." Amar declared , pushing Selah away. "Don't follow me. I can't be with someone like you, I'll be dead somewhere trying to chase you."

With that, Amar walked out of Selah's life, leaving her heartbroken and confused. Selah felt as if she'd lost the love of her life, and she didn't know how to get him back.

She expected things to go completely different. Amar had given her a dose of reality.

Meanwhile Amar was hurt that he had to speak the way he did to Selah to be able to push away from her. In reality he still wanted her but hated that he wasn't sure if she was sure about being with him.

He went to the one place he knew he could get solid advice without judgment. Giyani's. He needed to hear someone else's perspective on the situation and hopefully gain some clarity.

When Amar arrived, Giyani was in the back of the bar, facing away from the door, pouring drinks. She was a bartender on weekends. She turned when Amar entered and chuckled. "Hey, Mar Mar. What can I do for you?"

Amar sat down on the bench in front of Giyani and took a shaky breath. He told Giyani everything, from the moment he first saw Selah to the present. He left out nothing, not even the part about how he felt about her. Giyani listened with thoughtful silence, occasionally shaking her head in disagreement.

"Why do you have to be so harsh with her?" Giyani asked, exasperated. "What does she have to do to prove herself to you?"

Amar exhaled a long stream of cigar smoke. "Selah's a complicated girl, can't. I think she's been hurt a lot in her life, and she's not used to being rejected. So when someone does reject her, she takes it pretty badly." He shrugged. "It's not her fault, really. She just needs some time to grow more comfortable with the idea of being with someone that'll treat her right."

Giyani chewed on her lower lip for a moment. "I don't know. It feels like you're pushing her away this time."

"She's probably just trying to figure out what's best for her," Giyani said sagely. "Give her some time, and she'll come around."

Amar nodded, his frustration begin to ebb. "I guess you're right. I just need to be patient."

Giyani patted Amar's shoulder sympathetically. "You do what you need to do, Mar Mar. I'm here for you, no matter what."

Amar nodded, grateful for Giyani's understanding. He had a feeling he wasn't the only one feeling a bit lost right now. The thing was that would have to be for now. He was stubborn and would make firm on his decision to stay away from Selah.