Endless chase [Woosan ff]

3 - Night Call

Two months later and San is feeling like complete, utter shit.

He has found an apartment by himself, far away from the university, but he doesn't mind too much, because it's just a few minutes away from his job.

A job which he hates, but he needs the money to survive.

San's life has taken a downturn so fast that he now spends days tangled in his bedsheet and wishing life was easier.

Wishing Wooyoung was there with him.

Two months turned out not to be enough to forget him. Hell, he feels like an eternity won't be enough.

Just like every night of the past few weeks, after coming back home from a rather exhausting shift, San throws himself on the bed, not even bothering changing.

He just hugs the pillow and buries himself in his soft, hot comforter, longing for some warmth which his heart is lacking. He just wants to sleep off the pain, he wants to close his eyes and forget everything about his life.

Yet, every time he closes his eyes to sleep, his mind thinks of Wooyoung.

And so starts the endless stream of tears, the pillowcase completely damp only after a few minutes.

San is fully shaking now, squeezing his pillow and almost threatening of tearing it apart from how much strength he's using.

He is in so much pain.

All he needs is Wooyoung there with him, yet it's the only thing he can't have.

Wooyoung is happy where he is, with Mingi to love him and care for him, and San has no right to take him away from that life. No, San should just forget about him and move on.

But he can't... not when he has the vivid image of Wooyoung laughing at one of San's lame jokes, or when he still has imprinted in his brain the smell of the younger. And his eyes, how could San ever forget those cute, round, stupidly innocent eyes?

San misses Wooyoung too much that it's hurting.

But maybe he could call him...

His body reacts before his brain, hands picking up the phone and fingers shakily pressing against the contact "Woo baby" while a couple more tears fall out of his reddened eyes.

Ten agonizing seconds.

That's the time San waits, but for some reason it feels like years. All he can do is think of Wooyoung, and everything he loves about him, and everything he misses.

- San... - Wooyoung's groggy voice sends a spark of electricity down San's spine. - San are you okay? It's 3 am. - The younger observes, a hint of worry in his voice.

San can just cry because he had missed that voice so much.

He had forced himself to stop calling and texting Wooyoung unless absolutely necessary in the hopes of forgetting him, but it only made it worse.

San just can't stop loving him.

- San, what happened?! - Wooyoung's voice is louder now, anxiety lacing his voice. - Why are you crying?! - Now it's full-blown panic.

San keeps on sobbing desperately, keeping his phone close to his heart to somehow feel Wooyoung closer.

- I-I... - He sniffles and hiccups. - I m-miss y-you s-so much, W-Woo. -

San's lips are trembling so much that he can barely speak, words confused and slurred.

- I miss you too, Sannie, there's no need to cry. - Wooyoung reassures in a soft tone, his voice going straight to the older's heart and making it clench.

- I-I c-can't do this a-anymore, Woo. - San mutters, spilling more tears onto the soft mattress. - I'm s-so tired of t-this. -

Wooyoung freaks out, because that's the only thing he can do when his best friend speaks to him like that, like he wants to end it all and kill himself.

Wooyoung inhales deeply. No, he can't panic, he needs to calm San first.

- Don't say that, Sannie... it's okay. - He whispers as lovely as possible. - Everything is gonna be fine. -

San doesn't believe his words, because Wooyoung can't understand. He can't understand how he feels, because he has found his other half in Mingi. He's not hopelessly in love with his best friend who'll never love him back.

Just the thought makes him cry harder.

- Just breathe and tell me what's wrong, Sannie. -

- I-I miss you... -

Wooyoung's heart stings for a brief moment, because it sounds like San means way more than the three words he's saying.

- I miss you so fucking bad, Woo. Life here is shit. I hate it without you. Everything is so stressful and I get so anxious about everything, and I don't have friends, and I can't focus so I can't study, and you know how my mom is, she gets disappointed when I don't do well in school... -

- San... -

- ...and dad is the same, but he said that he won't keep on paying for my tuition if I don't pass my exams, and I can't pay for everything by myself, so I might need to find another job and... -

- San! - Wooyoung shouts loudly in his ear.

San stops at that, only sniffling while waiting for any sound to come out the silent line.

- Are you free tomorrow? - Wooyoung looks at the time, then focuses back on the call with San. - I mean today. Do you need to do anything today? -

- N-No, I should study but I can barely concentrate... - San's voice is laced with pure, heartfelt sadness and disappointment. San is disappointed towards himself and no one else, because he doesn't feel enough.

He's not enough for his parents, he's not enough for Wooyoung.

- Okay. - That's all Wooyoung says in that regard, quickly switching topic. - Want me to keep you company until you get tired and go to sleep? -

- Please... - They both smile, starting a somewhat lighthearted conversation and catching up on whatever they had lost in their frenetic first months of university.

Eventually, San gets too tired to keep on talking, despite wanting to keep on hearing Woo's soft voice telling him everything about a course he's attending.

Wooyoung sounds so passionate about everything he does, and that mesmerizes San, because it's like the world seen through Wooyoung's eyes is magical, a completely different world from the one San lives in.

Wooyoung's voice is laced with emotion, and San wants to hear it for the rest of his life, every single passing second of it. He's sure he'll never get enough of it.

Still, a few minutes later Wooyoung can't help but smile when he hears little snores coming from the other side of the line.

So the younger remains on the call for a couple more minutes to make sure San has in fact fallen asleep before pressing on the red button with a fond smile on his lips.

Wooyoung doesn't sleep that night.

He instead spends the following hour watching the stars from his window before he stands up, stretching his limbs, brushing his teeth and dressing up, getting ready to catch the first train of the morning.