𝘛𝘖𝘓𝘌𝘙𝘈𝘛𝘌 𝘐𝘛 ⇢ r.bowen

18

ELIZABETH's POV- March 14th

@PercyWhitee- Elizabeth Shepard is a liar.

I wanted to speak up about how badly she's treated me in our relationship but I was always too scared. I mean, no one ever believes the guy. You always hear stories about women being abused in relationships, but the media does so little coverage when it's the opposite. Ever since she has gained a following on Instagram I realized it was time to share my story so that this wouldn't happen to anyone else.

Elizabeth and I were together for over a year. The last few months of our relationship, she started acting different. She got really into alcohol, and it became really obvious to me that it was a bigger problem than I'd originally thought at my New Years Party. She drank so much and got so wasted to the point that she was stripping off all her clothes. I thought she'd just wanted to skinny dip with all the other girls, but after her friends took her home I'd realized that
she seriously had a problem. The old her would never do anything like that.

I wanted to get her help, but she wouldn't let me. I tried to help her and provide her with all the resources I could, because I just couldn't stand to see her that way. Instead she broke up with me and posted so much misleading propaganda about me on her Instagram page. She has cheated on me multiple times while drunk. She accused me of cheating on a school trip, and I genuinely think she was on some bad drugs that night as she seemed so out of it.

But that was not the worst thing she's done by far, because after our break up, Elizabeth Shepherd accused me of rape.

Everything we did in our relationship was 100% consensual. Anything she said about me forcing her into stuff was a lie. She has shredded my name to bits and pieces, drug it through the mud, and it truly makes me sad as she was never this was until she started drinking.

Alcoholism is a problem that runs deep in her family; she used to constantly tell me about how she'd never drink after she'd seen it, firsthand, tear her family apart. Her father committed suicide after battling with an opioid addiction for years. Her mother coped with his death with the bottle and drunkenly slept with many men, and often left Liz at home alone. I was always there for her until she shut me out.

I am telling my story to spread awareness. Please be aware of how addiction can affect not only yourself, but also the people around you. Liz, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. And I loved you. But I think it's time you get the help you need."

I read out the post in its entirety to Ricky through gritted teeth. I didn't even cry. I'm done with the tears.

Immediately after Gina showed me her Twitter feed, I left school and went straight to Ricky's apartment. He didn't come to school as he was still way too upset about Nini, and he hadn't seen the post yet as his phone was shut off.

"None of its true!" I exclaim. "And 'I'm sorry, I loved you' is exactly what I said when we broke up. The only truth is the stuff he said about my family.... God, how could he do that to me! I trusted him!"

Ricky throws back the covers of his bed and sits up. "That's it. I've had it with this jerk."

He aggressively pulls open the door to his closet and digs around in it, pulling out a pair of shoes.

"Where are you going?"

"To beat that douchebag up, that's where."

"No!" I fling myself up in front of the door. "No! Please! You'll only make it worse."

The look in his eye is pure rage. I've never seen him look like that before. I'm genuinely scared of him and what he could do right now. "Jesus, Ellie, did you read all that? He literally exposed all your deep shit to the whole internet!"

He's right. And it is bad. Even worse because I have a following now. Before, when I was not only a nobody online but also a nobody at school, people probably wouldn't even care. But now? #Elizabethshepherdisoverparty is literally trending on Twitter.

"And how dare he say you accused him of raping you?" His use of the word makes me flinch. "You never said that, to anyone!"

"Well, not publicly..."

His whole face drops. "What?"

I get up and pace around. He now seems content with staying here, at least, and not rushing off to go find Percy and kill him.

"Ellie."

I keep pacing. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do?

"Ellie! Please! Talk to me."

Ricky grabs my arm and I stop moving.

"Please. I told you that day in the car, you don't have to be alone, and I feel so stupid because for months you were acting different and I didn't know what it was! But I was too focused on other less important shit and clearly you've been going through shit and I was horrible to you all this time. I'm so sorry. Talk to me, please, let me try to help." He rambles.

I thought I was done with the little girl tears. But something about hearing him pleading with me, and saying how sorry he was for not noticing how messed up things have been, just set me over the edge. I start sobbing pretty violently right there in the middle of his room. So much for never letting him see me cry.

I cry so hard I can't stand. He basically holds me and we both sink to the floor. He strokes my hair while whispering; sorrysorrysorrysorrysorry, over and over again until I can't cry anymore because my tear ducts have become a midwestern desert in a bad drought.

"He didn't exactly... rape me," I flinch again at that word, something about saying it makes me remember every single rough detail about that night. "I did say yes but he... pressured me into it. I said no at first but he just kept going on about how everyone else was doing it, I would like it, it would feel nice, whatever." My whole entire face turns red. I didn't realize how embarrassing it would be to talk about this with him.

"But it was just... I wasn't ready, and I regret it so much it makes me feel sick. I couldn't sleep in my bed for a week, even after I changed all my sheets. I just... I don't know."

"When did this happen?" He says quietly, clearly in shock about what I'm telling him.

"The night before the ski trip."

"Shit."

"Yeah. And then the next night, he cheated on me with a girl from one of the other schools. That part was true."

"I know you're not a liar, E. I've known you for my whole life practically, and you never lied to me."

"I have," I say with tears welling up in my eyes. Since I'm already spilling my guts out, might as well spill them all.

I lied about being happy for you and Nini.

I lied about just being your friend.

I lied about my true feelings for you.

I lied about the fact that I'm in love with you.

"I... I lied about... about all this. It isn't your fault you didn't check on me. Because you did. You gave me so many opportunities to open up. But I just couldn't, and now look what happened." I have another opportunity now, but like the scared little kid I am I won't take it. In the moments I am supposed to be brave, I am weak.

"Ellie," he sighs deeply. "Please don't blame yourself for any of this. This is so messed up, but we can figure something out. I promise I will help you. I promise."

I just nod and fall back against his body. I let him rub circles into my back and stroke my hair and think about how this is the first time in a long time I've felt loved. But he still doesn't love me the way I want him to.