ΩMEGA

Chapter Eleven

Kian

Until now, I never knew that pain could ever mean something good. Pain was always associated with punishment and humiliation, followed by fear and insecurity. Bruises, blood, and anger were the only pain that I knew.

Then Bridger forced me to start working out. Rigorously – a word I didn't know until now. It was really embarrassing at first to be in the gym with all these other high-ranking and fit members of Bridger's back, but he explained to me that no one would be paying me any attention. It was true. Everyone there minded their own business and paid me no mind as I struggled to lift 20lbs weights.

By the fourth day of waking up after long workouts, my muscles were sore and tense, but the pain was far different than what I was used to. It felt good. I knew that I was going to experience soreness, and I was prepared to hate it and feel terrible until my body got used to it, but I was pleasantly surprised when I realized that I actually liked it. Is there something wrong with me for liking this kind of pain?

I massage my right shoulder as I brush my teeth with my right hand. It's seven in the morning, and Bridger told me that alongside working out in the gym today, we'd also be outside. He wants to run in our wolf forms, but I have a feeling that it won't be as easy as he thinks it is. I haven't changed into my wolf form since I was a pup. I'm not sure I remember how to do it. Not to mention, with Syrus being gone, the transformation will come solely from me with no help from my actual wolf, unlike most werewolves. I shudder at the thought of feeling every single one of my bones breaking into dust and reforming to match those of a wolf. Usually, our wolf would try to take on the pain and make the process smoother, but not for me. It's not going to be a pleasant experience.

"So you're letting the beta train you? For what?"

Peyton's voice startles me and I nearly drop my toothbrush as I turn to look at him. His eyes droop from sleep and his brown hair sticks up towards the right side of his head. He's been very stressed since we got here but he's recently calmed down enough to sleep better and his face is beginning to look much more lively than what I remember. He's starting to look better but he still frowns and scowls at everyone.

I spit out the excess toothpaste before answering, "because I want to."

"What're you gaining from it?"

"Strength? Knowledge? Everything that I missed out on when we lived at home," I state with an eye roll. "Peyton, this is good for me. It would be good for you too if you let him help you but you're too stubborn—"

He shakes his head as he cuts me off. "You're too trusting, Kian. All the shit you've been through and yet you fall into the arms of the first person that shows you kindness. Are you stupid?"

"I'm not doing that!" I exclaim, my hands balling into fists. "I trust him because it's obvious how much he cares about omegas. He's helped the ones here."

"What did they give him in return?"

I open my mouth to respond but nothing comes out so I clamp it shut. Did Bridger get something in return after he helped Keira and the other omegas? Does he want something from me? What could he want?

"No..." I shake my head and look ar Peyton. "I want to believe that he's not like all the others. He's nice, Peyton."

He scoffs at that as he turns back around to walk into our dark room. "Whatever you say, Kian."

I understand Peyton's worry. I'm scared just like him and I'm so sick of it. I'm so so so tired of being scared and questioning everything around me. I just want to be safe and secure; I want to be able to stand up for myself and protect myself and Peyton and Mika. Walking into this blindly and not knowing Bridger's actual motives behind his kindness to me is terrifying and I find myself questioning everything we do together but I still do it. Is it stupid? Maybe? But why can't I be hopeful for a change?