ΩMEGA

Chapter Thirty-One

Kian

~ 2 more months lmao

I still haven't told Bridger about the pup. Besides Corzo, Jenna is the only person who knows as I did eventually get around to telling her. She just hugged me and told me she'd help me in any way, but she did ask if I told Bridger. I told her I was going to, I just never told her when. Every time I think about telling him, my brain gets fuzzy and I want to hide myself away from everyone and protect my pup from being snatched away from me. It's the same feeling I get when I'm around Corzo -- I hate that he knows. So I just...I hate to say that I ignore it but I do and it has helped me focus on other things regarding my pack. I know that this makes me a terrible person -- hiding the fact that I'm pregnant from Bridger who has done nothing but been kind to me -- but I'm just not ready to share the news. I love him, I know that I love him, but I can't stop my brain and my body from reacting in terror at the mere thought of telling him or anyone who isn't an omega. I know that I'm not scared of Bridger. I tell myself that he's a wonderful, pure soul who wouldn't harm a fly. I'm just scared of what he is and what people in his rank have done. Even now, just thinking about it makes my heartbeat speed up. I try to focus on other things to calm myself down like the fast heartbeat inside of me coming from my pup. When I was pregnant with the girls, I used to soothe myself at night by closing my eyes and focusing on their heartbeats. I do that now with the comfort of knowing that I will always hear that heartbeat for the rest of my life. I still don't know the sex of my pup and I have avoided finding out until I can finally work up the courage to tell Bridger without feeling like my soul is about to be ripped from my body. I know I need to tell him soon and how horrible I am for hiding it when I'm so close to my due date...but I just can't. I know he'll be angry with me and that only makes me want to avoid it even more.

I feel like I'm trapping myself in a hole and I keep digging deeper and deeper when the only true option is to just climb out.

So I've been hiding it from everyone using a scent mask. Luckily, at four months, I'm surprisingly not showing much. I have a small, perfectly rounded belly that's easily hidden underneath the flowy clothes that take up my entire closet. I have been worried about the lack of movement from my pup and my tiny baby bump with me being so close to due, but the iotas have stated that me and my pup are completely healthy. My pup is just small and lazy. They also mentioned that omega pups aren't active in the womb or outside of it.

It hurts not telling Bridger. He has done so much for me and every time I call him, he is happy to speak to me. I want to tell him, but I'm just so, so irrationally scared that any time I get close to just blurting it out, I freeze and it feels like someone is squeezing their hand around my throat. It's terrifying and it makes me angry, but also sad for hiding this from him. Sometimes I hit my head over and over again to knock some sense into me, but I still can't seem to do it. It makes me so sad that even now as I lie in my bed, I almost want to cry. And I've been crying myself to sleep about this whole mess far too much so I try to redirect my thoughts to new things. I'm tired of waking up with puffy eyes and a crusty nose so I avoid it because right now, that seems to be the best option. Avoid. One day, I won't be able to avoid my problems.

Besides my pregnancy, I have been working on many other things with Corzo. He knows how badly I've been wanting to enhance my leadership skills so he's allowed me to attend meetings with him and other alphas. He had a month of meetings with these alphas to discuss alpha-matters. I even got to meet the alpha who lives in the eastern part of Corzo's territory. He was old with a very young daughter and just a delight to be around. When Corzo first asked me to do this, I thought he was insane. When they lay eyes on me sometimes they'd scoff or look confused. They'd lean and whisper to their betas, eyebrows scrunched and forehead wrinkled. Other times, they'd loudly ask Corzo why an omega was sitting with them and if I'd be serving them somehow. Most times, they just stare at me or ogle me which made me uncomfortable, sure, but I never showed it. Corzo made sure to never leave me alone with them.