I couldn't stop dreaming about Mac.
I'd had a dream he was right in front of me, limping a bit.
I'd had a dream he was drying in the hospital.
After what Chang'e told me, I blame myself for what happened to him.
He was in the hospital because I failed to answer him.
I never tried to contact him.
He could've died that very day and I wouldn't have known until weeks later if or when I decide to talk to him.
I found the bouquet tucked in his room not to long ago.
The card hasn't been opened, the seeds planted back into the flowers neatly.
I wonder if, after I left, he felt so sad that he just took the bouquet anyways.
Maybe he wanted to pretend everything was okay.
I guess I did too.
I didn't want to think about how me and Macaque fell out.
I wanted to grasp onto the possibility that he'd just forget about the situation.
I don't know why I thought it'd be okay. I broke his heart, why would it have been remotely okay after the fact?
I open my eyes to get ready.
I'm sort-of excited and sort-of not excited to see Macaque in the hospital.
I sit up, pulling Macaque's covers off from me.
I take quite a few seconds just looking out his bedroom window.
He had flowers neatly organized right in front.
Most were orange and yellow.
I want to ask him what kind of flowers they are, if that even happens to be brung up.
I notice something in the corner of my eye.
It'd been burried by the covers I threw, but it wasn't completely burried.
I felt quite scared.
I had to mentally prepare myself just to look at what was with me.
It kind of looked like a person. But the door was locked and Chang'e's still on the couch.
I pulled the cover off their face a little more.
How did he...?
But he should be in the hospital.
The door was locked.
There's - there's no way.
“Macaque...?”
I say, trying to keep my voice from startling Chang'e.
“Macpaaack...”
I slowly shake him by his shoulder, not gripping too tightly.
“Mac....”
One of his eyes open, just staring.
“Macaroniii....”
Both of his eyes open, then a soft smile forms on his lips.
I try not to cry, but my eyes sting so, so much.
“Hey, Sun.”
His voice sounds quite different, very dry and weak.
I hug him for a long time, slowly, he wraps his arms around mine.
The warmth of our bodies brings a special kind of comfy.
It's like sitting in front of a fireplace with your hand in someone else's.
I can tell he started crying because of the drips I felt.
He started to choke on tears, hiccuping every few seconds.
His grip got tighter, his heart pacened.
I didn't say anything, just held him close and let him cry.
I eventually started tearing up as well, thinking about how worried I was.
And it wasn't long until I realized that the answer he'd been waiting for was right in front of me.
I pulled away from the hug, just enough to look at his eyes.
All wet, more tears flowing out.
He looked so sad but also happy.
His eyes struggled to stop moving all around, like he was examining my face to make sure I was here.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I looked back into his eyes, still very nervous.
I leaned in closer, watching his eyes.
I could feel his heart pulsing,
I could see his cheeks turning,
I could tell his tears dried.
I guess I kind of just said ‘fuck it’ at that point.
I grabbed his face, wiped under his eyes. I brought his face just a bit closer to mine.
I closed my eyes right as it happened.
I closed the gap between our faces, kissing him for as long as possible.
I rested my arms on his shoulders.
I opened my eyes, just a little bit to peak again at his sweet face.
His lips tasted so sweet, I never wanted to let go.
I closed my eyes and we pulled away.
I looked into his eyes and smiled.
He reclosed the gap between us again.
He topped over me in such a way.
I was almost laid flat onto the bed as he leaned overhead, being careful not to squish me.
He seemed so urgent to get another kiss, as if he'd been starved from kisses for months.
And if it made him happy, it really made me happy.
It's like he took off several tons off my chest.
Almost all the questions in my head had been answered right there and then.
He pulled away to catch his breath, panting, drool spilling out.
He looked so funny, I couldn't help but giggle.
He smiled warmly, I had to re-reclose the gap once more.
His tears streamed down my face. He seemed so happy.
So happy just to be here right now.
Suddenly, I heard a small creek.
Then I saw Camera flashes followed by giggling.
Macaque pulled away, flusteredly looking at Chang'e, just standing there with her phone raised to catch just the both of us.
“You two looked too cute, I couldn't help it.”
She giggled some more.
“Anyway, Macaque, you feel any better?”
Macaque was silent for a bit.
“No. Not really.”
He muttered.
“Damn. I'll cook breakfast!”
She hurried off into the kitchen, all we hear is a bunch of pots clanging around for a hot second.
“So, are you gonna attack her for taking pictures?”
I giggle a little bit, teasing him.
“Nope. Too weak.”
He chuckles, then kisses me some more.
