dear satoru

6. intuition

Present day- Spring 2017

"Hey, are you okay? Your eyes seem to be a little watery," Yuta says as he's turned to you. His eyes look up at you in curiosity as he tries to read your emotions. The line of his mouth tilts to the side as the seesaw of your emotions has tilted as well due to the overwhelming weight of uneasiness pressed onto you.

Were you crying? No, that couldn't be it. You knew that it was an okay thing to do, but not now. Not in front of the student who was relying on you. Not when there were so many other things to worry about. "Yeah I'm fine. I think something got in my eye earlier. That's all." Even with your attempted reassurance, a small speck of worry is still stuck on his face.

"Are you sure? What you just told me seems like a lot." His young eyes stay focused on you. It seemed like he was trying to read you even more. In the few hours you had known him you had already shown your vulnerable side.

It was good to talk about your emotions. Something that was hard for you to do but very necessary in times of need. But this wasn't the time.

Right now Yuta is the priority. While you were just remembering, he was living it. He had never gone through this situation so he isn't as used to the feeling as you are. That post mission reflection on life was all so new to him. You needed to be there to guide him through this time rather than dwelling on your past. Focusing on yourself would probably make him even more nervous than he already is. Yuta didn't need that.

Sending him a soft smile, you try to forget about any of your anxiety and lighten up the situation. "Don't worry about me, let's just go inside. The others are probably waiting for us."

You unlock the door and get out of the car. While you were facing away from him, you dab the water out your eyes for a second with your sleeve. As you looked toward the hospital, you took a moment to let your hand graze over the scar on your cheek. That same hand then went down and placed itself on the lower part of your back. It stayed there for a moment before you played that action off as just stretching.

Turning around, you make sure that Yuta is out of the car and guide him towards the direction of the hospital. As you went through the sliding doors, you asked the person at the front desk what floor Maki was on. You weren't able to identify who the kids were before they made it to the hospital but you were sure that Satoru would know where they were.

Once you got their location, you thanked the woman at the front and led Yuta to the elevator. "It should be only a few floors up and we would have to walk through a couple of hallways to make it to her room."

Yuta nods as the elevator makes its way up to the correct floor. As it opens, you immediately make your way out with him following behind you. There's something lingering in your presence. It's felt in the way you walk down the hallway. You were already somewhat of a fast walker but your speed had increased more than usual.

Determination. That's what it is. However, your determination didn't stem from any of the normal circumstances. In this case, you were determined to make sure that everyone was safe. Almost as if that was what you were born to do. If something horrible had happened to Maki or the kids, that would be a burden that you would have to carry since it was technically your mission. If you were being honest, you weren't sure if you were able to handle any more weight. Throughout your whole life every inconvenience, every traumatic event was just another piece of weight added onto you. There was so much of it now that anything more might just break you into pieces.

This fact makes your anxiety grow even more. You knew that they were probably okay, but there was still that chance that they weren't.

Turning the corner, you saw Satoru sitting on one of the benches. His head was looking down with his legs spread and arms resting on his legs. His fingertips were intertwined with one another as he was fidgeting with them. As you started to get closer, his head had turned so that it was now faced towards you.