I Realize. |l.s.|

XI

December 17, 2018

There's two different types of people in this world, from what I've gathered. There's people like Ryan, who run from their mistakes and leave everyone to pick up their mess, and then there's people like Harry. I almost can't believe I'm dragging him into this mess. Im humiliated, but I'm desperate. I didn't want it to come to this. It was never supposed to, but shit happens, and I'm fucked.

"Hello?" He asks into the phone. I can hear the hesitation in his voice. I can't talk, I'm frozen. I haven't heard his voice in so long, I might not be able to talk without the floodgates opening. He sighs when I don't speak. "Why are you calling me, Louis?" I guess he kept my number saved? My stomach flips, but I ignore it.

"Uh, Harry?" I ask. My voice is timid and small, and I feel like a kid again.

"Is everything alright?"

"Not really..." I wince, wondering why the words just won't come to me. This used to be so easy, me and him talking. It's not that simple anymore, though. He's gonna hate me for asking for something so big of him after we fell out. He's gonna be disappointed, I'm not the guy he dated in April. I'm not even the guy he fought with in July. I will the tears to go away, but I know it's only a matter of time.

"What's wrong? Why aren't you calling Zayn? Is he okay?" I can hear the slight panic in his voice, and I cover my mouth, trying not to release a sob.

"Zayn's fine," I choke out.

"You're scaring me, Munchkin," he says, and I can't hold back. I begin to cry, breathing in and out quickly, uncontrolled. I'm a mess from just one nickname.

"I need your help, Harry. I've fucked up, and I need you. I didn't know who else to call. I can't tell Zayn, he can't know, but I need somebody," I sob.

"Hey, breathe," he says softly. "Can you tell me what's happened? Are you hurt?"

"I'm okay, I just," I cry. "He left me, and I have to, I have to pay this g-guy, and I can't-" I'm hysterical. He must think I'm absolutely inane. "I'm scared he's gonna do something t-to me."

"I'll book a train. I can get there by tomorrow, alright?"

"Okay," I sniff. 

"I want you to get some rest in the meantime. Take a bath, have some tea, get a good night's sleep, yeah?"

"C-can I skip school tomorrow?"

"I think you should," he agrees. "Just tell your mum you're sick."

"Harry?"

"Yeah, munchkin?" I pause.

"I'm sorry," I breathe. I hear him still, trying to figure out what to say. He has to know I'm not just talking about this. I'm talking about everything.

"It's okay," he finally says, just barely over a whisper. 

I do as he says the following day, relaxing and watching light-hearted movies. I wake up from a nap mid-day to a knock on the door. My heart stutters and I go, opening the door. I feel like I'm dreaming when I see him stood, hair pulled in a bun, a sweatsuit on, and a bag slung over his shoulder.

"Hi," I say, smiling tightly.

"Hey," he breathes, a gentle smile on his face. God, I've missed his face. 

"Uh, come in," I say, stepping aside. He walks in, looking around and placing his bag beside the door, sliding his shoes off. "I made tea. I'll bring you some." I shuffle into the kitchen, coming back in with two mugs. He's sat himself onto the sofa, and I sit on the other end.

"I've missed this place. It feels like it's been years," he smiles sadly.

"It's been quiet without you and the boys," I admit. He frowns, taking a sip of his drink. "I, uh, I like your hair."

"Oh, thanks," he smiles. It's small, but this time, it's genuine. "So, I think we need to talk about why I'm really here."

"I know," I sigh. "It's hard to admit out loud. I'm not exactly proud of being in the position I'm in."

"You know I'd never judge you for needing help," he tells me, holding eye contact. I've missed his eyes so much, I feel lost in them the same was I did when we were still okay. We'll never be okay again after I tell him the truth. He'll hate me.

"My boyfriend left me," I breathe out.

"What?"

"I was dating a guy, and we loved each other, and I went to see him and he said he had to leave."

"So why do you need my help?" I can hear the edge in his voice.

"We met at my school. He was older, but he was a dealer to a lot of people in high school." I see him tense. Fuck, this is harder than I thought. I'm cringing as I speak. "He asked me out, and I said yes. Recently, I met his boss, and I, I guess I started dealing too?"

"What? Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?"

"I do now," I laugh bitterly.

"This isn't exactly funny, Louis. Dealing is a dangerous business. Not to mention- you're not, like, doing drugs, are you?"

"I wasn't at first..." I trail off.

"Jesus," he says into his hands, rubbing over his face. "So what do you want me to do? Drive you to rehab? I think that's something you need to talk to your parents about first, at least."

"Well, that's not the worst of it," I shake my head.

"I don't exactly see how it could get much worse," he scoffs.

"Well, Ryan—that's my boyfriend's name—he had to leave because I guess he owed a lot of money," I say quietly, staring at my lap. "And his boss is gonna come after me next if he has to...and I don't have that kind of money."

My face feels hot and my eyes are stinging. I'm so embarrassed, I can't even look at him. I don't even try to stop the tears that fall onto my lap.

"I'll give you the money," he says after minutes of silence. I look up immediately. His jaw is clenched, and I can see the anger and determination in his eyes.

"Harry," I sigh.

"That's what you were gonna ask, isn't it?" There's no bite to his tone like I expected there to be.

"I'll pay you back, I promise. I just need to save enough. Between the money mum gives me for food and what I make off of selling, I should-"

"You're not going to pay me back," he shakes his head. I can tell by the way he says it that there's no room for arguing. "And you're done dealing."

"I don't know what to say," I stumble in disbelief. "I can't just ask that of you without paying you back. I won't be able to live with myself."

"I'll tell you what," he says, eyes boring into mine intensely. "You can repay me by getting help. Go to rehab, group therapy, something, and get back on track."

"But you-"

"That's all I want, Louis. I have a decent job, and I'll be okay without that money. Now, I need you to be okay, too."

"I- okay," I nod. "I'll do it."

~~~

Thoughts? Predications? Questions?

This is one of my favorite chapters. Ahh, I love when Harry and Louis are together. So, it looks like Louis is gonna be alright?