Stars Around My Scars - Conrad Fisher

19. Stay With Me

I squeeze the closed blade tightly in my hand, knowing what I'm about to do. I feel the sand collide with my feet as I walk closer and closer to the ocean. The sun sets over the water.

"Goodbye dad." I say. "I love you." I kiss the knife and then throw it far away into the ocean. A tear slips down my face but I wipe it away. Then I walk back up to the house and go back into my room.

I sigh and get a shower. Then I dry off my wound until the blood clots at the top to stop the bleeding.

Then I put on my pajamas and I get in my bed. It's been a long day. I need some sleep. A few minutes later, I fall asleep.

When I wake up, I'm back at my old house. I'm facing the front door with the keys in my hand. Then I open the door and walk in. It's that day again, June 4th. I smell it again, the smell of a suicidal father who never said goodbye to their daughter. I walk into the living room and see my dad, dead on the floor. I start cpr again, hoping I can change the outcome.

Then I start crying again. Tears flow down my face. "Dad! Please! No!" I yell.

Then I shoot up out of bed in a cold sweat, I shiver as tears fall down my face and I sniffle. Then my door opens so I turn the other way.

"Mack? It's Conrad again. Are you okay? I thought I heard something." Conrad says.

"Conrad, I'm fine." I say.

He hesitates to close the door but this time, he doesn't close it. Instead he goes and sits at the edge of the bed while I lay down and face the other direction.

"Mackenzie, you'll never understand how sorry I am for what I said." Conrad says. "My anger just, gets the best of me sometimes, you know?"

"Conrad, just, just go away." I say. I sniffle. Conrad gets up to leave but I start talking again. "I get it, you know." I say. Conrad goes and sits back down. "Your anger and sadness consumes you so much that you keep it trapped inside for so long, and then you burst and take it out on someone else." I say. "I-I just, haven't bursted yet. But I know when I do, it's not going to be pretty. I'm going to really hurt someone, Con." I say. "I hurt myself with that knife to avoid hurting other people." I say. I feel a hand on my back.

"Yeah, I-I just don't know what's happening sometimes." Conrad says. "Whether my mom is going to be here in a year or not." Conrad says. "But that knife is long gone. And using it hurts other people more than it actually hurts you." Conrad says.

"Well, the knife wasn't really long gone for a few hours earlier." I say. I sniffle. "When I was on the beach I found it." I say.

"Mack, what did you do with it? Is it still here?" Conrad asks.

"No. I threw it in the ocean." I say.

"Litter." Conrad says, he laughs a little and so do I.

"Oh and I shoved your dad into the pool." I say. We both start laughing.

"Was it a Mack Attack?" Conrad asks. We both start laughing.

"Con, can you stay with me tonight?" I ask. "I don't know if I'll be able to fall asleep alone." I say.

"Yeah, of course." Conrad says. "I'm gonna grab another pillow and I'll be right back." He says. He walks out.

Then I slowly drift off to sleep.

Conrad POV:

I leave the room to grab another pillow. It's comforting knowing that I'm not the only one with the secret. I have someone to talk too as well.

When I walk back into the room, Mack is asleep. I'll still stay with her though. She helped me out, so I'll help her out.

I get in the bed with her and lay down next to her. She looks so peaceful just laying there.

I would totally go for Mackenzie if I didn't already have Nicole. Nicole keeps me distracted, but I don't really love her.