Little Talks

chiaroscuro: [v]

chiaroscuro (n): composition of strong contrasts in light and dark

“No no no no no noooo, stop it Mariam, holy crap,” Kells was squealing as Mariam tickled her. The two were practically wrestling on the floor, and the bowl of popcorn had been knocked over, a touch of butter soaking into the carpet. I wrinkled my nose at the smell of it, and the sight of my two best friends rolling around on the floor.

“I won’t stop until you admit that you’re wrong! I am queen of the whole entire world! I am so awesome, that I have my own race, and you know what it’s called? Awesomeness, and you’re not invited to join you two-bit slag.” I burst out laughing at Mariam’s reasoning, leaning forward towards my knees. Even Kells stilled for a second, her silent laughter echoing around the room.

“That was very Barney Stinson of you,” I said, and Mariam gave me an exaggerated nod of thanks. Suddenly, the door to Mariam’s bedroom was opened, and the burst of air generated caused a few papers to fly off of her desk.

“Mum, why’d you do that?” Mariam whined, letting herself collapse on the floor, her hair a brown halo. “You know that it’s my night, so please bug off?” Mariam’s mum was a kind woman, though, at times she could be strict. I had known Mariam long enough, and, therefore known her mum long enough, to know when she was not in the mood to argue; her mouth would tilt downwards, and creases would appear in between her eyebrows. Now, that expression was clear on her face, but Mariam seemed not to notice.

“Mariam, if you could excuse me, but Kells and Kate need to go home.” She turned to us. “I hope that both of you can drive yourselves, or would you like me to take you home?” I glanced at Mariam and Kells, frowning slightly in confusion. Mariam stood up, her mouth agape.

“But Mum, they’re sleeping over tonight!” Mariam’s voice was incredulous, and her mum winced slightly, her expression softening by a ten-fold.

“Am,” she said softly, walking over to her daughter. “Trust me on this one; I’m not trying to ruin your night. But they need to go home, right now.” Mariam shook her head and stormed out of the room, leaving Kells and I to see her mother sigh, in a way, sadly.

The drive back to home was filled with silence and the occasional Two Door Cinema Club song, but my iPod was deciding it was a good time to throw a fit. So most of the drive was quiet. It was dark, and a few of the street lamps had gone out in my neighbourhood, making it eerie and chilling at times. But home, or the place given such a name, was finally reached, and I parked my car in its usual spot on the curb.

“Hey, anyone, I’m home.” I dropped my keys in the bowl by the door, and shrugged off my coat. For some reason, it looked like nearly all the lights were on in the house, and I furrowed my brows, slowly walking towards the kitchen to grab something to eat. But I wasn’t the only one who had the kitchen in mind; the rest of my family was sitting there as well; my mother was holding her head in her hands, and it seemed like she was shaking; my father was pacing back and forth; and my brother was merely sitting on one of the stools, a piece of bread being shredded to bits in his hands. “What’s going on?” I said, warily, inching closer to the island. Kevin turned around, a pained look on his face.

“Katelyn,” he said, softer than his usual voice. “Do you want something to eat?” I scowled.

“What is going on? Seriously, because Am’s mum sent me home, and now you guys are acting all weird and-“

“Kate, sit down.” Mum was sitting up, and this time I could see why she hadn’t been before. Her eyes were bloodshot, and tear tracks were crusted on her cheeks. Her hair was a mess, and I was shocked.

“No. What’s going on?” Mum sighed, and Kevin seemed to collapse a bit in his seat.

“Kate, something happened today. When you were over at Mariam’s.” I looked at them, from my silent father, to the two disheveled others.

“What… happened?” I spoke slowly happened, my eyes narrowed, my whole mind in caution mode. For a moment, there was silence, only broken by Mum’s quiet sobbing. As the relative silence continued, my anger flared. “Can someone just tell me what happened? Now?” My eyes were slits, and Kev turned around, shocked by the venom in my voice.

“Allie…” My father said, clearing his throat before continuing. “Allie killed herself. Today.”

The air rushed out of me, and I reached for the counter. While Mariam, Kells, and I had been together, three of a group that should have been four, Allie was either dying or dead.

And we had no idea.

+++++++

Allie’s funeral took place a week after her death, three weeks before graduation. The atmosphere surrounding the house, the neighbourhood as a whole, was suffocating, and I longed to get out. Just get out. Not go anywhere. But just get out. Do something other than wait to go and say goodbye.

“Kate, are you almost ready to go?” Kevin was peering into my room, his hand on the door frame. I merely nodded, fingering the necklace I had put on. My finger ran up and down the chain, and the small pendant quivered with the action. I heard him leave, and I sighed, sitting down on my bed. My room was spotless, as I had busied myself with household chores and schoolwork with the absence of the usual drama and chit chat at school; everyone was too shocked to talk badly about one another. My phone buzzed, and I ignored it. The caller eventually hung up, but a text was sent a few seconds later. I ignored that, too, but soon another, and then another, and yet another text were sent.

Hey, Kate.

Kate?

You there?

Kate?

All of them were from Jace. Blood bubbled through my veins, and a breath of air lodged itself in my lungs.

Hi.

You okay?

Yeah.

Yeah. I’m okay. I’m okay. The breath came back, and I tangled my fingers into my hair, trying to keep the hurt down. Keep the hurt down. Keep it down.

Our street is stereotypical. Our house is stereotypical. Our neighbourhood is stereotypical. The stereotypical summer home. Summer street. Summer neighbourhood. But the site of the funeral was far from that. It was dark, and the trees were reaching down for every passerby, their spindly fingers taking grabs at us, but, thankfully, missing. But I’m sure, that, if they had a little more motivation, they would have bent down and scooped us up.

Everything was quiet. People were whispering, but their words were lost on me. I was the best friend. The one who should be crying. Saying things. Over with Mariam and Kells, the three of us talking about her. About how amazing she was, about how much she meant to us. But I couldn’t, because Allie was just gone. I hadn’t spoken to her in months, after she cut herself off from all of us. She wouldn’t talk to us, she wouldn’t come over, she wouldn’t answer my calls, and her family didn’t seem to notice.

She was just gone.

And that was all.