Before leaving the school, I take my diary out of my bag and write down the events i have coming up.
Monday:
- After school training
Tuesday:
- Lunchtime poem community
- English Language Tutor
Wednesday:
- Whole school assembly
- Math Tutor
Thursday:
- After school Training
Friday:
- After school Training
I don't know how i'm going to manage all this. It's Monday and i've just had training. It's now 6 o'clock and I won't get home till 6.30pm. I pack away my things and exit the school, heading home.
The cold air hits me. Unexpected, like being hit by a snowball. Harsh and sudden. It's nice though. Feeling a little too cold, with the frosted air breathing down my back, i decide to run. There's no time to walk so I have to run. Burn off the calories. Maybe I should run, I have got my sports wear in my bag.
Running would benefit you Alfie. You could get home quicker AND burn off what you've eaten. It's dark too so no one would see you and because you have no time to run this evening, now is the perfect opportunity. It's Monday. Tomorrow you have nothing after school, but your tutor is over for English Language. Wednesday is Math day and Thursday and Friday you have training. So realistically you have no time to run. So run now!!
As a predicament, more thoughts come into my mind. Unable to focus on what belongs to who. And most importantly, what belongs to me.
But if you run, aren't you scared you're going to collapse? It's dark and no one will see you. It's late, people are at home having dinner, settling down.
This seems like the most rational thought. But then more irrational thoughts come back.
Running is good for you mentally, and we all know that you aren't in the best headspace. Maybe a 15 minute run could be okay. It's not like it's an hour. Think about what coach said, you need to train more and running will help you gain the muscle you don't have and this will have a huge positive impact on your diving. Swimming. Just do it. It's not hard.
As a known fact, I slip into listening. Into running. I make sure my shoes are laced up properly, take 5 minutes to stretch, and then I'm on my way. I start to run. The fresh air brushing against against my fluffy hair. My legs in sync with each other as each stride comes along. My hands holding onto the straps on my bag, making sure that it stays in place. Yes, I probably look like a weirdo holding onto my back but i've gotta do what i've gotta do. There's no two ways about it. It's a must and I'm doing it.
. . .
"ALFIE HALIO, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!! DINNER WAS DONE 30 MINUTES AGO AND WE HAVE HAD TO WAIT AND IT'S GONE COLD. IT IS ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT. I AM ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED" is the first thing I hear when I come through the door, not even given a chance to take off my shoes. I get in and she's already finding a reason to tell me off. I explain to her that coach needed me to see me after Literature, then I had to go back and finish my exam. I also reminded her that I have training on Monday's after school. She doesn't apologise though. She just sighs and tells me to hurry up as Jules is setting the table.
. . .
"So, I saw a flier today at school about a poetry slam that I'm interested in". I bring it up and my mum gives me that look to keep going.
"And I thoug-
"Alfie, you have NEVER written any poetry in your LIFE!! Do you know how professional a poetry slam is?! You have to have technique, and write in a certain way"
"Jules, let him finish please"
As Jules is trying to put me off, I'm forking my food. Mum has made Pasta Al Forno. I stare down at my food angrily because I'm not allowed to eat it. I've already eaten, or eaten shall I say.
Mum tells me to carry on but I can't seem to bring myself to talk. I just sit in silence and play with my food whilst Jules picks up the conversation, telling us all about how Sam shows affection towards her. Such a love addict.
Well done for not eating the pasta. Don't slip up now.
I 'finish' up my food and take it to the kitchen, offering to take Jules and Mums plate too. I just want to leave this room, I can't be around food any longer and I don't want to be tempted.
As I get up, Mum follows me to get dessert and asks if I was okay.
"You just didn't each much of your dinner is all, and it's your favourite meal".
I explained to her how after training, Josh, one of our team members, bought in some treats.
He didn't. I just needed an excuse to not eat the meal.
"So I can't tempt you with Jules amazing coffee cake then ay? It's nice and creamy."
I just want her to go away and stop bringing up food. The more I'm around it, the harder it is to resist. And I HAVE to resist.
YOU ARE READING
The Twisted Mind
Short Story"I felt as if I didn't belong, And I felt as if i'm not sick enough" Alfie struggles with the concept of food. He loves it, he hates it and just wants to find peace with it and within himself. He wants to make up with his body, his mind but he's los...
