Sour Little Lemon Boy

Day five

Cw: Sh, talk of abuse and attempted murder.

Day five:Go for a walk.

The sharp metal slid across his arms a trail of red left shimmering along the precise yet Shakey lines.
The sun was at the start of it's ascent, the sky shining in beautiful pinks and purples that lay dismissed by Nile as he now lay down the knife, staring as the red lines began to streak and merge into one another.
He choked out a quiet sob, clutching the injured arm close to his body, feelings of guilt, disgust and fear swirled in his pool of a mind.
Ghostly feelings of hands stroked over Nile leaving him with the sensation of a thousand tiny beetles crawling under his skin.
He was disgusting.
Dirty.
He stared down at his stomach, it was rounder than it should be, than he wanted it to be. A queasy feeling hung over him at the idea that something was inside him, another sob forced it's way past his lips, he didn't want this.
If there was a greater being, Nile was certain that they hated him.
Hah, he even hated himself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Nile skulks out of his room hours later, wrapped up in a blue hoodie and black sweatpants, a blanket draped around his shoulders like a cloak, he isn't much surprised at the note that greets him on the fridge.

Lilith and Ridley, there's no school for the next 3 days.
Your dad and I still have work, we'll be back at 6pm, there's food in the fridge,be safe xxx
-mum

Nile will admit he's relived, he wasn't looking forward to seeing Desmond and had been dreading it since the argument (if you could even cal it that) yesterday.
He hadn't looked, nor spoken to either Ashlyn or Desmond when they had their "chat" the night before, the chat was more Ashlyn doing her best to convince Nile that Desmond "truly didn't mean it" and neglecting the fact that a fourty-nine year old man couldn't own up.

He'd never come out to Zoe in the end, the thunderstorm lulling long enough for her mother to drive her home.

Nile turned around, about to return to his bedroom, startling as he almost headbutted Ridley who seemed to have suddenly appeared out of apparent nothingness.

The two stare at each other for several minutes, neither knowing what to say. Eventually Ridley speaks, "The electric's out." She mumbles, all to obviously avoiding meeting Nile's eyes, clearly everything that happened last night is still fresh in her mind.
"Oh." Nile grunts.
He steps past Ridley and is out the room before they can resume another awkward silence.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The trees creak in the wind, their crooked branches waving and dancing as they shake in the gusts.
Nile stares into the woods, eyes glazed over, hands in pockets and coat hood up to protect himself from the icy pellets of rain.

He don't know how long he's been standing there letting memories flood his brain in a overwhelming manner.
At a queasy feeling Nile allows his head to drop, his gaze automatically flicking to where his stomach is hidden under the puffy coat.
The thought of the thing inside him makes my retch, he forces his gaze away, his breath choked.

Nile's never much liked knowing of things being inside him.
He's never much liked eating either, the idea of these things sitting inside of his stomach has always seemed alien to Nile, just wrong.
And now, there's a ... thing.
His eyes sting at the reminder and somehow he almost hates that more, how is he meant to be a man if he cry's like a little girl?

Nile shakes his head, rubbing his eyes so hard it hurts, shoving his hands back into the safety of his pockets, Nile turns and begins the chilly trudge back home.