Our Cruel Hearts

Chapter Nine

I can't move. The world looks warped from where I lay, in a crib. Inside a room lit by dim yellow lights that flicker every few seconds. I focus for half a second before noticing the faint sound of voices and music in the distance. Maybe in another room? I try to move again but I feel so restricted, a shadow suddenly casts over my vision and a woman stands over me. She has a bright, kind smile plastered on her face and reaches out for me. Her dark hair falls just past her shoulders, just like mine. Her embrace is warm and comforting as she lifts me out of the crib. She places me over my shoulder and that's when I notice a tall man standing behind her, he has blonde hair that's ruffled like he hasn't slept in days but his eyes are warm and inviting. He gives me a small wave and I try to speak but no sound comes from me. I'm studying his face and trying to figure out if I recognise him when I jolt awake. My thick dark hair clings to the sweat on my forehead and my clothing is soaked, and has twisted around my body like I've been tossing and turning all night.

What the fuck, I mouth.

"Luca, I need you to be honest with me right now," I say as I grab myself some coffee from the office kitchen before making my way back into my apartment. It's been a couple hours since I woke from my dream, and I've tried convincing myself it's nothing but it keeps clawing away at my brain.

"About?" Luca asks as I put my phone on speaker and set it on the table, I sip my coffee before answering him.

"Tell me about my life, my life before you found me." I pause, not really sure what I'm expecting from him. "About my parents and my life, all of it."

"Where's this coming from Ayla? You've never asked about this." Luca's tone is careful and equally as concerned.

"And that's my own error, I'm just curious," I lie.

"Well, I have no interest in withholding information from you so where do I even begin-" Luca clears his throat as he speaks.

I cut him off, "With my parents."

It's almost as if I can hear Luca mulling over his words when he speaks, "Your parents were just normal people from here, their files show they lived pretty boring lives until having you." He takes a breath, "You threw their lives off, I don't think they were ready to support you at the time. Their police records show a boom of activity the year after you were born, they had a couple run-ins with social workers who wanted to take you away from them." I stay silent, trying to absorb every bit of information. 

Luca hesitates before carrying on, "That's about as much as I'm aware of until the point they got into the car accident, both of them were drunk and high out of their minds and neither of them survived the accident. You were only eight then, Demi and I had already started monitoring you as you went into an orphanage." Luca clears his throat before continuing, "You weren't having an easy time with schooling and no one wanted to adopt you, Demi and I basically threatened the orphanage into letting us adopt you."

"You did?" I interrupt, surprise heightening the tone of my voice. 

"We fell in love with you Ayla, we watched you for a year and had never been more fascinated by a little girl."

"I don't remember any of that Luca," I breathe unsteadily.

"The therapist said it was a trauma response, to block it all out." Luca's tone softens even more now, something I didn't know was possible.

"Was I a problematic kid? With my parents?" I ask, unsure.

"Not at all, your parents were just irresponsible and didn't know how to care for another human being." I hear Luca swallow.

"Thank you for," A lump forms in my throat, so incapacitating that it feels like a bush of thorns is strangling me. "For caring about me."

"You have always been so deserving of love, Ayla. Never doubt that." He assures me, but I feel the tears like a floodgate ready to open.