More Than You Know [Mildred Pierce - Rosa Moline]

Christmas Eve

It was too early, it was too Monday-y and I was feeling it more than ever. The cold temperatures made it hard for me to get out of my comfy and warm bed. But after a long battle with myself, I eventually got up to start the day even though I didn't want to. I only stepped out of my apartment when I looked like a human being again - in reality the coffee had helped tremendously -.

Like a machine, ready for the routine, I knocked at Rosa's door so we could go to work together. As I shivered, desperately trying to keep my eyes open, I finally realized that this was going to be the first time seeing my coworker after that night of drinks. As this realization hit, my eyes shot wide open as I remembered her openness, her bold attitude and the warm affection she had shown towards me.

As I waited in front of her door, I grew more curious as the memories started to resurface in my mind. Was she going to be the same old cold Rosa? Or perhaps that was in the past, and she might finally be more comfortable in my presence?

As I speculated on my own, suddenly the door opened. I barely perceived her almost timid "Good morning". And, to my surprise, she was avoiding my gaze as she adjusted her gloves before going out.

"Good morning," I replied in anticipation, carefully observing her demeanor. Suddenly her back was facing me as she locked her door before we left.

"Let's go" She declared with the same monotonous and serious tone I was used to.

"Sure" I said as I followed behind her, with a ponderous amount of disappointment on the inside. And that feeling continued like that as we walked towards the station, both of us staying silent for the entirety of the journey.

I had truly felt we had finally become good friends, and I was glad and happy to see how she had shown more of herself with me. Rosa was completely different that night, she was funny, she was warm, affectionate, and someone who I felt that maybe I could open up to too. But, as the minutes passed by, it was evident that the Rosa from Friday was only a product of alcohol and nothing else. And somehow... I missed her.

As we awkwardly waited for the subway, I kept shivering as I looked at my shoes, not really knowing what to do in this weird atmosphere I was sensing between us. Perhaps, in my head I had envisioned something different occuring, putting an unprecedented expectation on her. A long sigh escaped from my lips which the low temperatures transformed into fog. I already knew that my nose was red.

I became restless and decided to cut the tension, asking something away as I still looked at the ground. "Did you get a bad headache the next day?" I tried, thinking it was a simple question. But then I realized she might not like to talk about what had happened last friday.

When I didn't hear a reply...I looked back at her, not really knowing where I had found the guts to do so. Rosa was staring straight ahead, yet again avoiding my gaze. Perhaps it was some insecurity that made her hesitate to talk. But she finally did. "I did, I felt like I had endured the most painful hours of only Maggie's annoying voice in my head on a constant loop"

Silence again. Then, slowly and surely, Rosa's face turned to look at me for the first time that morning. Her cold stare seemed to be changing, and to my relief, a knowing smile started to appear. I couldn't help but mirror her, chuckling as the tension seemed to subside a bit. After all, Rosa from that night was actually there. Deep down inside of her.

The brimming smile that made its way onto my face didn't subside, even after we took our train to work. "You should have given me a ring, I would have made you a home remedy I know for hangovers that gets you feeling better in a jiffy..."

"I don't think I would have been able to see anyone. Not only was I feeling like I had been run down by a car, but I had fallen asleep with my makeup on, so I had looked like an absolute... Clown... A scary one... I wouldn't have subjected you to looking at that, I didn't even want to" Of course, Rosa always considered first how her exterior looked in front of others.