More Than You Know [Mildred Pierce - Rosa Moline]

Forbidden Love

From the moment I closed the door to my apartment, I couldn't recall anything that had transpired until the moment I found myself under my covers, with my hands tightly gripping the fabric close to my chest. I didn't remember getting undressed, showering, or even putting on my pajamas. I felt and remembered nothing. It was as if my body had just moved all on its own. I was numb.

I was motionless as I stared straight at the ceiling. What the hell had just happened with Rosa? How did we get here? Why did we ... I covered my face with both of my hands, feeling exceptionally nauseous from the nerves I was experiencing.

I just couldn't fathom the situation in itself, I had never guessed something like this could or even would happen. But, as my mind started to pull apart the unforeseen event to try and understand just what had happened, the most recent incidents with Rosa intruded my thoughts as well. It was then that I started to notice and piece together the genuine peculiarity of quite uncommon attitudes coming from her that led to that very moment. It all started, and continued on, from the night when she had measured my body. Well, actually, perhaps it had started even before that.

She had been quite hesitant to share any form of physical contact with me lately, although I earnestly tried to ignore it, her hesitancy quite indeed remained factual. For a moment I considered that the closeness we were exhibiting with each other was exceeding her level of comfortability and therefore, she wanted to put more distance between us. Well, at least that was the first thing that I had hypothesized. But, I never would have guessed that her sudden change had to do with something like this.

I tossed and turned in my bed, like I was trying to, so desperately, search for something other than anxiety and fear in my mind and in my body. I felt a pang in my chest, that god awful feeling that something bad was about to happen. Like we were going to drift apart from this, an imminent ending to something so beautiful between us.

I didn't know how I was going to face her or what was going to happen between us now. Putting it a different way, we were still working in the cafe, we were on the verge of opening the boutique, we practically did everything together, even eating and sleeping at times. Plus, above all, we were always there for eachother, we were each other's true confidants, or at least that's how I felt.

I couldn't really sleep because of all my overthinking, and as the hours passed by, I just got more and more scared. The frightening thoughts were all but driving me to the point where simply going out terrified me and now I wanted to avoid it at all costs. When the morning came, because I couldn't really avoid going out, I decided to go to work a bit earlier than usual. I got ready at the speed of light, not even stopping to have my morning coffee or breakfast and, like a terrified animal, I escaped from the building, not even daring to look at Rosa's door. As I made my way outside it was so early that it was still dark outside and the birds, who were normally so full of chatter when Rosa and I typically left for work, were barely even starting with their routine chirrups.

When I got there, I all but arrived at the almost exact time as the kitchen staff and Joyce who required a bit more extra time before all of us girls to get things started for the day. The manager looked at me puzzled as I made my way into the staff room. "Mildred? Why this is an uncommon sight to see. What brings you here this early? Where's Rosa?" She questioned as we changed our clothes. I froze for a moment. I hadn't even thought through what I could say to my unusual behavior so I had to come up with something that would be even remotely believable at the last minute.

"I don't know, I... Think she overslept." I stated, just hoping she would believe me and not question me any further.

"Huh... That's strange from her..." I avoided her gaze, I couldn't give away that I was lying, In plain terms of speaking I wasn't good at it one bit.