That Time I Joined a Peepy Cult

It's Human Nature After All

"Order for..." I checked the cup. "Ben?"

"Here." The man I presumed Ben took his cup of takeaway coffee. He looked smart, and I guessed he was on his way back to work from break. The little Costa I worked at was always busy at this hour.

I turned back to continue barista-ing... not that I knew what the hell I was doing.

I'm super unqualified for this job, but I'm learning as I go. I can't believe he was able to convince the... whoever was supposed to hire me that I had experience as a barista prior. I had assumed that he would only trick them into thinking I was hired for whatever reason.

Honestly, whatever the hell works at this point. I was a fucking loser Before, and any chance I have to get out of that rut...

I'm going to take it.

It's human nature, after all.

As I make the next coffee, I notice my hands shaking. I hate thinking about who I was Before, so I'll stop thinking about it.

Pouring the coffee into a huge oversized double-handled mug and placing it on the tray, I call for whoever's ordered a large cappuccino with caramel syrup, vanilla syrup, gingerbread syrup, extra marshmallows and three extra shots.

Jesus Christ. I make a mental note to pray for her soul when I get the chance.

I soldier on for the next three hours, and I don't throw the cups in frustration when I butcher them, and I don't burst into tears when my ex walks in and back out when she sees me, and I don't argue when my manager insists we throw out the abandoned coffee some moron ordered online but never picked up rather than letting me drink it.

Man, I'm doing so well today.

What I DO do, however, is lie about the change in the latte art in some lady's coffee when I made two circular shapes next to each other rather than whatever the hell else they want us to do, and I DO try to explain why it's better than the usual latte art in a calm and composed manner... for the first two minutes. And after that I DO end up in a heated debate about whather or not I should be trying to save stranger's souls when making them coffee. And I DO end up being reported to the manager for "trying to recurit the customer into a cult".

"For god's sake, Joe, this again?" My manager and I are in the break room after he pulled me aside after the shop closed.

He doesn't look very happy.

"Look, man I know this seems bad, but I can explain-"

"You won't be explaining anything." He cuts me off abruptly. Rude. "This is the sixth time since you've started that we've had a peepy-related complaint. You started two weeks ago. Do you have any idea how bad this is making us look?"

"Pete, look, she took it the wrong way. I made the damn coffee, I served it to her, and all that was different was the way I poured the fucking milk into the foam. What's the problem here?"