❝ told you so ❞ ;; bbangnyu

❜ ─ one ─ ❛

younghoon's pov

in the quiet moments when the world fades away, my heart whispers secrets i dare not share. it was my best friend who captured my soul, a person who stood by my side everyday. i cherished our laughter, our shared memories, and the comfort of his presence. but beneath the facade of friendship, a deeper longing brewed within me. i found myself entranced by his radiant smile, his gentle touch, and the way his eyes light up when we connect. with each passing day, my admiration for him grew, intertwining with a bittersweet ache. fear gripped me tightly, the fear of shattering the friendship we built. so, i kept my feelings locked away, content with the solace of our bond, yet forever yearning for something more, wondering if he felt the same.

i watched his smile fade over time, because of him. the boy he told me he loved, the boy who told everyone he loved chanhee. i watched chanhee fall blindly in love with a boy who'd bring him into tears more times than he could ever make him smile. i told him that his naivety would soon be taken for granted. he didn't listen. instead, i now get the sweet (yet painful) chance to say 'i told you so'.

the question he asked still lingered in my head. why did it seem like he said that so long ago? maybe because he'd decided to give juyeon another chance, juyeon definitely knew how to persuade chanhee into loving him again.

he came to me earlier that day, all happy-go-lucky about juyeon asking him on another movie date. doesn't he think it gets a bit repetitive? i remembered the excitement reeking from his voice and i didn't want to ruin it for him, because he deserves happiness in the end. i knew that juyeon couldn't give him that happiness, but i kept on asking myself: am i capable of giving him that happiness?

i thought about what he said again.

"what do you do when the one person you want comfort from the most is the one who caused your pain? how can i want so desperately for him to wrap me up in his arms but also want so much for him to leave me alone?"

i didn't know. and i was scared to admit it.

as the school's know-it-all, i was meant to know everything. and if i didn't know something, it would come as a great shock to everyone. i didn't want chanhee to think that i didn't know anything and that i was just some stupid popular kid, or the weeks i spent persuading him to accept me as his friend would've been wasted.

i am the one they turn to for answers and advice, the repository of information and facts. with each conversation, i eagerly seize the opportunity to one up the others, sometimes risking the line between sharing knowledge and becoming a know-it-all. chanhee made me aware that true wisdom lied in acknowledging the vastness of the unknown. he also said that i'm already a know-it-all, and how much i try to deny it wouldn't change it. yet, there is an undeniable satisfaction in being the go-to source, even if i may come across as egotistical and narcissistic or annoying and nerdy.

i sighed, taking a sip out of my water bottle. i suddenly saw eric, hyunjae and hyunjun approaching me, concerned looks on their faces.

"hey, hoon," hyunjae sat down on the picnic table, "what's up?"

"you've been looking down lately." hyunjun added, unzipping his backpack.

i felt a little melancholy. why did i feel melancholy in the first place? i wanted to see chanhee again, even if it had been just one day ago when he was crying in front of me, tears seeping through his school shirt. seeing chanhee gave me a funny feeling in my stomach and i knew exactly what it was. love. if you were to ask me what love is when i was in junior year, i'd most likely say that it was an enigmatic concept that eluded my grasp, i would've said that it was unfamiliar territory that i didn't want to explore. but now? i think of love as wound-healing, it brings you solace in a way. but some people just don't bother to find it anymore, not when they've been hurt too many times, and i was afraid that someone might end up as a cynic if they were not careful.

it was like me being a dry, sandy beach, and chanhee being the cold, salt water. i was only waiting to be refreshed by chanhee's presence again. waiting for the tidal waves to come in once again, like they always do, one way or another.

"don't tell me it's chanhee again," eric furrowed his eyebrows. "you need to tell him, before everything gets out of hand."

"but i can't, he's too in love with juyeon to even notice that i actually love him!" i frustratedly banged my fist on the wood, proceeding to continue my rant. "i tell him so many times, he nods and tells me he understands, then the next day, they're back together, like nothing ever happened."

"i know it's frustrating younghoon, but-" hyunjae started.

"its not frustrating, it's excruciating!" i yelled, most likely scaring the crap out of all of them.

"right, i know it is, but eric's telling the truth, you can't keep holding onto it for any longer, just tell him," hyunjae put his hand on my back and started rubbing circles on it. "right hyunjun?"

that must've caught hyunjun off guard as he stopped biting into his sandwich and looked at hyunjae, who beckoned him with a look.

"uhh- yeah, just tell him hyung." he smiled and continued eating.

"this is how it'll probably play out," i prepared myself for the prediction. "i'd probably tell him to stop dating juyeon because of everything and then he'd call me selfish and shit like that, then i'd most likely fire back because i can't stand it when people try and prove me wrong, after that i'd just storm out."

eric sighed and looked at hyunjae, giving him a sympathetic eye before turning to me again, this time, leaning in a little closer across the table.

"younghoon, i think it's time that you stop trying to predict the future and act on this little crush of yours," eric said. "at this rate, he's probably already engaged to juyeon!"

hyunjun and hyunjae laughed at the joke eric crakced, but i just blinked at him and stood up, gathering my backpack and binder before turning on my heel and walking away in the opposite direction. i heard a few yells of protest and a 'i was joking!' coming from eric as they quickly got their stuff and scrambled beside me.

"calm down younghoon, it was just a joke." hyunjae giggled at my reaction.

"your whole life's a joke." i huffed.

hyunjae just rolled his eyes, not giving a care that i insulted his entire existence.