❝ told you so ❞ ;; bbangnyu

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ ❝ eight ❞

chanhee's pov

as i woke up early in the morning, the memories of the saturday altercation with juyeon lingered, and my heart weighed heavy with conflicting emotions. despite the pain, i gathered the strength to carry on with my daily routine. i carefully went through my skincare routine, hoping the soothing lotions and cleansers would help heal not just my skin but also the invisible wounds within me. as i stood before the mirror, i couldn't help but notice the marks on my neck from the choking incident. feeling self-conscious, i reached for my concealer and gently covered them up, attempting to hide the evidence of my pain from the world.

when i slipped on my black, zip up hoodie, i felt a sense of relief and protection wash over me. it was like a shield, hiding the vulnerability i didn't want others to see. it was already worrying that school knew about the incident, and it would be overwhelming if an endless sea of faces i don't recognise know everything as well. i didn't want anyone to notice the turmoil brewing beneath the surface. the hoodie gave me a semblance of control, a way to mask my emotions and appear fine, even though i was far from it. it was my way of coping, of retreating into myself to navigate the day without letting my struggles show.

everything inside felt like it was falling apart. my whole life felt like it was falling apart. everything that i once knew became undecipherable and dull, especially once i met juyeon's friends, it felt like juyeon was trying to make the whole world close in on me, limiting me only to a small space.

i grabbed my backpack and headed down the stairs, even if it was way too early to leave for school, i just wanted to let myself wander for once. i passed by the empty kitchen, remembering when i poured soup onto juyeon's mom, i was scared that i would be in big trouble for it. it left a bad taste in my mouth about the house, i knew that i wouldn't be able to let go of that unfortunate saturday afternoon when juyeon just had to bring his parents. i also knew that my parents won't ever forget, the day that meeting juyeon's parents goes wrong. it was bound to happen, everything going wrong, i mean, juyeon always used to say that since i'm never satisfied, i shouldn't be surprised if everything doesn't go in my favour. but i knew it wasn't true. was it?

as i stepped over the threshold and out of the house, the chilly breeze greeted me, sending a shiver down my spine. the wind rustled through the leaves, creating a soothing melody that seemed to call me towards the nearby park. i pulled my jacket tighter around me, trying to shield myself from the cold, but i couldn't resist the allure of the refreshing morning air. the sun was just beginning to rise, casting a soft glow over the horizon. as i walked along the winding paths of the park, the serenity of the moment embraced me. the sound of my footsteps mingled with the gentle rustling of the trees, and the occasional chirping of birds added a touch of harmony to the scene. the stillness of the early hours allowed me to reflect and find tranquility amidst the bustling day that awaited.

barely anybody was at the park, apart from the occasional smokers who like to soak in the cold breeze of the early hours or the man who usually comes early to watch the sun rise upon the lake and the wind blowing it's waters, i normally arrive after him and leave before him, which causes me to wonder how much time he stands there, leaning against the barrier and staring off into the sky. my mother says that most oldies enjoy watching nature do it's work, and that there was only a matter of time until i'd do the same.

i wasn't excited to go to school, the principal would be waiting for me in his office, along with juyeon and his parents, and possibly the police. this was all spiralling into a big deal but all i wanted was myself back. the person who didn't read all of the books on juyeon's bedside table so that he'd think that i was smart, or memorising his favourite coffee or his favourite songs by heart. i even put on more makeup than i usually would to make sure that he thought i was pretty. maybe i wasn't as interesting as the boys he had before, but he couldn't have cared less about someone who loves him more than he'd ever love them.

what made me seek validation from someone who lied? lied about loving me or caring for me, he did all of that for self-gain, maybe to add it onto his ego or some shit. does he have no value of other people's feelings? and i knew Back then that i shouldn't have wasted a breath on juyeon, but why did i do it anyway? he ruined my life, he made me lose all of my friends and also made me lose passion for all of the things that i loved to do most.

i headed down the pathway to the bus stop, thinking that it was about time for my journey to school. i looked back at the serene atmosphere of the park, knowing that i wouldn't have another chance to catch a glimpse of it after the police are involved. i watched true crime and what i gathered was that they'd probably spend hours and hours interviewing you and asking you what happened. and i also knew that after seven o'clock it was busy on all the roads and pathways, so it was worth collecting myself at the quiet time.