Louis Tomlinson 17 is simply broken. He lives with his friend, Zayn Malik, who is considered the bad boy at their high school. Zayn is only soft with Louis because of the knowledge of his past.
Harry Styles is in Zayns group at school and doesn't c...
There are times in life where you go through tough times but eventually, you get out of those. You get out and move on like nothing bad even happened. I don't know how to do that. I have had people want to help me but I don't want the help. I should be able to do it alone, correct? Me being the overthinking, anxiety rolling kid, it isn't always that easy to get out of situations. I haven't been out of tough times for years. I stopped counting the years. I don't have any family who wanted me so I don't have that family love. I do live with my friend Zayn though. He's like a brother to me. I couldn't imagine where I would be if he wasn't there for me.
Zayn is your casual bad boy at school. He gets in fights and smokes weed with his friends. He doesn't do his work nor pays attention in class to do so anyway. Through all of that, no one knows him like I do. He's always been there for me through all of the panic attacks and nightmares and broken hearts. He has fought every bad thing that comes my way. He battles the outside for me. I battle the inside for myself.
Today is the first day of school back from winter break. I'm not gonna sob story over the amount of fake 'how was the breaks' and 'how have you been' because frankly, no one actually means it nor does anyone care. No one cares.
I wake up from my usual 3 hours of sleep to get ready before Zayn drives us to his friends to get them for school. I shut off my annoying alarm to head to the bathroom for a shower. I get in the bathroom, flick on the bright white lights to see myself in the mirror. Purple eye bags violently show on my face from the lack of sleep and water intake. I sigh turning on the shower to a steaming hot water. Stripping from my grey sweats and boxers, I review my body. The thin thighs and sharp hipbones is what I focus on. I've gotten used to the scars so those are my last place to observe before I get in the water.
After getting out of the shower, I wrap the towel around my waist and head back into my room to get cloths for the day. The usual black jeans and wide over sized black hoodie. I brush my hair into its usual messy side part, grab my phone and headphones and walk into the kitchen.
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In the kitchen I see Zayn making toast for both of us.
"Morning Lou" Zayn exclaims when he notices I have entered the room. "Morning" I answer back. I get a cup out of the cabinet and fill it with ice water. Sipping it I sigh not wanting to go back to hell. "Here, eat this" Zayn hands me 2 pieces of buttered toast. I look at him and shake my head, pushing the food away. "Louis. You have to eat something. You have to be hungry. You didn't eat dinner last night." He tries to persuade me. "I'm not hungry. Lets go." I say moving past him grabbing my bag. He sighs and puts the food down. He grabs his keys and bag and we head out to his car. I get in the passengers seat and look up my head phones to my phone and start playing "I'm doing fine" by Mike Waters. I close my eyes knowing it wouldn't stay like that for even 5 minutes cause we have to go to Niall, Liam, and Harry's house.
I get tapped on the shoulder by Zayn. "You have to go to the back Lou. Its Liam's turn in the front." I groan and get out of the car. I get met with the 3 taller boys right at the door. I look at Liam and roll my eyes. I head into the back seat behind the drivers seat. Liam gets in the front, Harry next to me and Niall next to him. "Why's he pissy" Liam asks Zayn. I know they're talking about me. "He wanted to sit in the front". Zayn answers. Liam just nods. I suddenly feel a touch on the middle of my thigh. My head shoots up and looks at Harry and down at his hand. He has his hand on my leg. I don't like people touching me. Only Zayn. Zayn is the only allowed. I look at Harry with pleading eyes, which are filling with tears. He looks at me, does a small smile and starts moving his hand back and forth trying to sooth. I don't like it. Only Zayn can touch me. I try to keep my breathing steady but I guess I'm not doing to well.
"Louis, whats wrong? Why you breathing so unsteady?" I hear Zayns voice. I shake my head and hit Harry's hand off of me. He looks at me confused but still smiles trying to calm me down. "Lou? Are you okay? Do you need me to pull over?" I don't answer. I cant move. I cant speak. Everything's closing in. I feel the car come to an abrupt stop but I don't move. My door opens and I quickly turn my head over. It's Zayn. At this point I have tears streaming down my face and still irregular breathing. Zayn grabs me out of the car and sits me on the curb with him in front of me. "Hey Louis its me. Its only Zayn. Can I touch you or do you not want that right now?" I start looking around and see the other 3 looking at us. Liam and Niall look confused but Harry looks concerned. I look back at Zayn with blurry eyes but nod. I need to know he's here. He carefully grabs both of my hands and starts counting the seconds for breathing. I eventually grab onto him for a hug. I put my head on his shoulder while his arms are around me. I have stopped crying now but I am so tired. Mentally and physically. "Hey bud, you wanna tell me what happened? We gotta go in a minute before we are late though." Zayn tells. I don't want to tell him what Harry did in fear that Zayn would get mad at him. I do like Harry. He's not a bad person or mean. He just didn't know. "Just remembered that day" I say. "Thanks. We have to go." I get up and walk to to car and get back into the back seat. All of the boys do the same. "Lou, are you okay?" Zayn asks. "I'm fine." I answer. "Are you sure?" He asks again. "God, yes Zayn I'm fine. I'm perfect. Never better. Get it now. I'm fine and I always am fine." I fight back. I release a few tears but wipe them away before anyone can see. "Ok" Zayn answers. "I'm sorry. Yes I'm fine." Great now I feel bad. I look up at Harry and he has something in his hand. He hands it to me swiftly and gets on his phone. I open it up to read,
I'm sorry. I didn't mean harm. You just looked upset and needed silent reassurance. -xx Harry
I look at him and smile as a answer that he is good. I knew he didn't mean to spook me but it did. Now he knows I guess. At least he noticed I'm not okay. I mean I am okay but I'm not OKAY.
We all get to school and get out of the car. Here I go. Heading back to hell.
