Chaos (Carl Grimes)

Think Emari Think

I hid in Glenn and Maggie's room the next morning. They told everyone that I was sleeping
and they shouldn't bother me. That I was exhausted trying to find Rick last night and I needed my rest.
Carl peeked in multiple times and every time I pretended that I was sleeping.
Eyes half closed. Breathing slow and even. The embodiment of calm which was not how I was feeling by a long shot.
I was jumpy. My fingernails were chewed up to the skin. The skin on my lips were bitten all the way. It bleed a bit so I'm sure half of my lips were dried up and sticking together.
Not the best way to look in the mirror and can't see what else you needed to do.
Kali was gone. I hoped that since we got this prison that day would never come. We were finally away from the walkers. At least she was. She wasn't in arm's reach. She was behind fences and doors and people.
She didn't have to see their faces day after day. The nightmares would slowly go away. She would have a normal ish childhood. That's all I wanted for her. That's all she needed.
Just the simplest of homes. No more deaths I have to explain. No more walkers growling in her ear. We have a family now.
Maggie, Glenn, Hershel, and Beth. They made us family. Now I'm the only one left of the Espinosa family.
When I did come out, Carl was sitting down at the entrance at the cell. He got up immediately.
"Hey. How are you feeling?"
"Emari. Yo-you look like you've been crying all night." He said holding me close to him.
"I can't look that bad now." I joked before he licked his finger and wiped the blood away from my lips.
"Better?"
"Way better." He said caressing my face, smiling a bit.
"I'm sorry about your mom."
"I'm sorry about Kali."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Do you?"
"So I'm taking that as a no."
"A hell no."
"Let's go eat." He said, leading me to the cafe area where everybody else was at eating some kind of canned beans.
Everybody but Rick. Guess he's still not back from doing what he needs to be doing. Whatever people do nowadays when their wife dies.
I hope it's something healthy. Unlike the thing I did last night. The thing I hope Glenn and Maggie keeps to themselves.
It's embarrassing.
When Maggie saw me she immediately got up and went to the pot and started making me a plate.
"Glad to see you're up." Glenn said making room for me at the table. Carl sat right next to me.
"Glad to be up." I said as Maggie put the bowl down in front of me and kissed my cheek.
"Eat. The three of us are gonna go on a run. You need some type of fresh air that's not behind a fence." She said before sitting on the other side of Carl.
"Where are we going?"
"Just to get some more food for Judith. Maybe some toys and clothes. She can't be naked all the time. Think about the winter time and how Kali got really sick."
"Yeah. We definitely don't need of that. She'll be too young. She won't make it."
Carl stiffened and I kissed the side of his head. "All big coats and stuff should be stocked."
After that it was silence. Just everyone eating and a couple of coos from Judith when she wants to go to someone new.
She was with Beth when Rick finally came in. Everyone just looked at him before going back yo eating. There was sign of blood on his face and he looked calmer then he did yesterday.
"Everybody okay?" He asked walking towards our table.
"Yeah we are."
"What about you?" He asked looking down at Carl and his son just nodded.
"I cleared out the boiler block."
"How many were there?"
"I don't know. A dozen, two dozen. I have to get back. Just wanted to check in on Carl." He explained patting the top of Carl's head.
There was something different about him. He sounded the same but distant at the same time. Like he was here but he wasn't. I hope we weren't about to lose him to something worse.
"Rick, we can handle taking out the bodies. You don't have to."
"No, I do," he says as he went over to Daryl. "Everyone have a gun and a knife?"
"Yeah. We're running low on ammo though."
"Maggie, Emari, and I were planning on making a run this afternoon. Found a phone book with some places we can hit, look for bullets and formula." Glenn explained getting up but still keeping his distance.
"We cleared out the generator room. Axel's there trying to fix it in a case of emergency. We're gonna sweep the lower levels as well."
"Good, good." Rick said before walking out.
"Rick!"
He didn't turn back. He rounded the corner and left. Back to grieving however he's choosing to grieve over his wife.
      "You okay?" I asked looking over at Carl and he just nodded. Yet he was stabbing his spoon in the bowl every time he took a bite of his food.
      "What time are we going to be going on that run?" I asked looking over at Glenn.
      "As soon as you're done eating." He said which made me shovel my food into my mouth as fast as I can. I barley tasted it.
      "And you need to get dressed and get your gear. Your knives are under the bed." Maggie said, still keeping quiet about me losing my shit.
"Yes ma'am." I said before cleaning up my mess and grabbing my stuff from Carl and I's cell.
Carl followed me, watching me get everything together. "Why did they take your weapons away? They always let you sleep with it. Even when we were on the farm."
"Kali."
He gave me a look. "That doesn't make any kind of sense. Why would they take your weapons away cause of Kali?"
"I basically gutted a walker yesterday. I was convinced that it had Kali. That it was the one that killed Kali. I went a little insane and tries to find the stomach so I can bury it."
"Emari, why didn't you take me with you?" He asked looking over at me.
"After what happened with your mom, I didn't want anything else happen to you. Who know what type of state your father was in?"
"You didn't have to take care of me yesterday."
"If I didn't who would?"
"I could take care of myself. Been able to take care of myself for a while if you haven't noticed." He said handing me the belt of knives.
"Yeah with walkers. Your mother died and you just witnessed it. I just wanted to make sure you're okay." I explained putting it on me.
"I'm more then fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes I'm sure! I'm not a child that you need to take care." Carl snapped before walking away.
"Carl." I called walking out behind him but he walked all the way back to the little cafeteria area.