𝐀𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐭, ᵐᵃᵗᵗʰᵉᵒ ʳⁱᵈᵈˡᵉ

chapter 12- mattys version

the day of the ball came quickly. he had bought a new suit, gone dress shopping with charlotte, bought a tie to match her dress, and planned a nice dinner for them after the ball, so to say he was ready was an understatement. he walked to her dorm excitedly, he had been waiting weeks to see her in her dress. when he arrived, he knocked on the door, and waited for her to open it.
"hi," she said, smiling bashfully.
"hi char," he replied, before he felt a huge smile overtake his face. she looked gorgeous. her blue dress fit her perfectly, and the color made her eyes pop in a way he had never seen before. he wished he would've taken a photo, so he could always remember the first time he saw her in her gorgeous dress, but it was fine, he wouldn't forget it. "you look perfect," he said, honestly.
she blushed deeply, he thought it was adorable. she really did look amazing. he had always thought she was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen, but this just proved it. she was ethereal.

he took her hand and they walked, side by side, to the ballroom. he was sure they made an interesting picture together, two people, beautiful in different ways, the children of criminals, there, together. they walked down the stairs, and he was certain that everyone in the room turned to watch. she laughed and led him to the dance floor. as she danced around and laughed, mattheo watched her fondly. he truly didn't know anyone like charlotte. they had experienced so much together, the ups and downs of this year, and he was happy it was her he experienced everything with. when the fast songs came on, she would grab his hands and jump around happily to her favorites. at the slow songs, he would hold her closely to him, spin her gently, keep her near. it was the most fun he'd had in years. they danced and danced and danced and he felt so real with her here, like being with her made him a real person, not voldemorts son,
not the slytherin quidditch chaser, but a real actual person. she laughed along as she loudly sang the lyrics of "You Belong With Me" by Taylor Swift. she sang off key as she grabbed his hands and jumped around, looking him straight in the eye as she yelled out every word. he felt himself laugh, a real genuine laugh, something he only seemed to do around her.

as the music got quieter, he pulled her over to a little bench. he got her punch and they sat and laughed and talked for what felt like ages. eventually, he said, "i'm going to the loo real quick, save your next dance for me, yeah? can't have anyone stealing my girl, can i?" he laughed and was delighted to hear the sound of her giggle following him as he walked away. he didn't really need to use the loo, he just needed a moment to think. he wanted to ask her to be his girlfriend, but how could he ask such a dull question to such an extraordinary girl? it needed to be special,
like her. she deserved for it to be great, and he didn't know how to make it as good as she deserved. he knew charlotte would be happy any way he asked, but that wasn't enough.
he wouldn't be happy knowing he was doing the bare minimum for her, he needed to be doing as much as he could to make her happy, or what was the point? as he summoned up his courage and decided there was no better way to ask her than to just be honest and tell her how he feels, he decided to go tell her.

as he walked out of the loo, mattheo felt thrilled at the idea of seeing charlotte again. she looked truly gorgeous tonight, like always, and just being in her presence made him feel better. as he approached the bench she was at when he left, he was surprised to see that she was no long there. he looked around for a bit, waiting to see if she would be back soon, but after a few minutes, he realized she'd probably be a while. he walked over to the beverage table and poured himself a glass of diet coke. pansy was there, getting some pepsi, and he walked over to her.
"have you seen charlotte?" he asked nervously.
"oh yeah," pansy laughed, "she's dancing with Seamus right now, im sure they'll be done soon though." she patted his arm in a friendly manner and laughed before walking off.  he returned to their bench and waited. he finally caught sight of her, spinning around and laughing with Seamus. no one seemed to bat an eye at them dancing together, because he wasn't voldemort's son. he couldn't potentially be the evilest wizard of their time. he was normal, and charlotte deserved someone she could do all these normal things with, and that someone wasn't him. as he sat and watched Seamus dance with her, a dance that was supposed to be his, he felt a strange sense of resignation. he wasn't meant to be with charlotte, he couldn't bear to trap her with someone like him. he wasn't meant to be with anyone. he could have friends, sure, but never anything more than that. no one, and he really meant no one, because he was cursed, no one could truly love someone like him, he was voldemorts son, no one could forget that.

as charlotte finally made her way back to him, mattheo felt himself emotionally withdraw from her. he couldn't spend his time wallowing in misery because of this, no matter how miserable not being with her will make him feel. he needed to get over it, and fast. it was embarrassing, frankly, how entirely he had given himself up to a girl who he clearly wasn't good enough for.

"i thought i was your next dance," mattheo said sourly as she approached. he watched as realization flooded her face, and a look of guilt replaced her smile. he didn't want her to feel bad for him. it wouldn't do any good.
"whoops, i completely forgot." she said awkwardly, looking around the room.
this whole encounter seemed to prove to him every suspicion he had when he watched them dance. there really was no way to make this work.
"yeah, it looked like it," he said it bitterly, rudely. he watched as her face distorted in confusion, but instead of the guilt he expected to feel, he just felt strange, familiar apathy curl around his heart, blocking out everything else. he knew in minutes, he would feel better, he would feel guilty, but in the moment, all he felt was nothing.
"what's your problem?" she asked, looking hurt and a little bit insulted.
"nothing charlotte," he said, already feeling guilty again, "nothing at all." it was the furthest thing from the truth at this point. everything was wrong. they were wrong, and he was wrong, and this whole world was wrong, but he couldn't say that to charlotte, he couldn't upset her, couldn't make her pity him.
"jesus christ!" she exclaimed in annoyance, "it was one dance! i don't know why it's such a big deal!"
he felt everything he had spent weeks building start to crumble in front of him, but strangely, he wasn't doing anything to stop it. charlotte was his best friend, and yet, he was doing everything he could to drive her away from him. because if she truly was his best friend, he would be doing everything in his power to keep her away from unnecessary evil, and he was one of the most evil people in the world. his father was one of the darkest wizards in history, and what was stopping him for becoming the same? he didn't know, and he couldn't risk it.
"we'll it's pretty obvious charlotte," he said in resignation, "i'm not gonna sit around and explain it to you." with that, he turned and walked away from her. from his best friend. he walked all the way back to his dorm, alone. he knew if he had taken the time to talk to her, they could have been happy right now. dancing and laughing, waiting for the ball to end to go to their dinner reservation. but strangely, he was glad they weren't. no matter how good things seemed like they could have been between him and charlotte, he knew the truth. no one can love a riddle. they were cursed, with a tarnished name and undesirable traits. he knew in his bones that this wasn't the end of them, but he could hold it off for as long as possible, try to drive her away as best he could, and if they still worked out after that, then great, truly, but for now, she was just his best friend, and he was just hers, and he had no idea if that was gonna change anymore. he wasn't quite sure if he wanted to know, if he could bear to hear that they weren't meant for eachother, that they weren't compatible. cause he knew they were, meant for eachother, compatible, perfect for one another. he knew it was just a matter of time.