Ever So (Saint Claire II)

Part 20

Part 20

Drops of moisture fell to the table from the glass of spanish latte in my hand. Natunaw na ang yelo dito pero nanatili akong nakatanaw sa malayo.

Kayla was sitting opposite from me on a round marble table of a tiny coffee shop near the university. She waved her hand in front of me to pull my attention back to the conversation.

"What?" I asked.

"Are you even listening?" She asked with her eyebrows scrunched together. I've been spaced-out most of the conversation and Kayla isn't exactly the type of person who has a lot of patience.

"Yes, of course!" I insisted.

She rolled her eyes at me before sighing. Binalik niya ang tingin sa screen ng nakabukas na laptop sa mesa. On one of the open tabs was a website where university students can apply for internships.

For the last couple of weeks, ito ang pinagkakaabalahan namin. We were no longer just students after all. It's our last year in our course and we should be thinking of the future like everyone else. And there's a certain company I've been dreaming of working in since I took this course.

"Look here," pointed Kayla to the screen. Nakita ko ang pangalan ng company sa listahan ng mga tumatanggap ng interns. Stellar Media and Publishing. "It's the publishing company you were talking about since last year. Akala ko ba gusto mong mag-apply?"

I did. It was my dream. I used to be excited about it too. To work for the magazine with the people I admire and idolize. To create articles that can inspire teenagers and guide young adults through life, just like the articles I used to read.

They were a huge reason I took communication studies. I wanted to reach out to people like me who grew up having no one to turn to and learn from, other than the words I read through books and magazines.

I've waited for this moment... it's just that... I'm slowly losing the motivation to do anything. If not for Kayla who had been forcing me, I would probably no longer attend my classes. Life has been too tiring lately.

"I'll submit both of our applications," decided Kayla. May iba pa siyang sinabi pero wala ng nagr-retain sa isip ko. Sinilip ko ang phone ko sa ilalim ng mesa. Still no call or text from home.

It's been 2 weeks since I left the house. After years of pushing it back for the sake of our family's image, Dad finally decided to go through the annulment process. Since then, Mom had been contacting me nonstop, wanting me to leave the country with her.

But it would be hell. It would be hell for sure. But can I leave my mother behind? Is it the right thing to do?

"Iniisip mo pa rin ba ang dapat mong gawin?"

Bumaling ako kay Kayla. Nakatitig siya sa akin, nag-aalala. Funny how she rarely gives away her emotions, but when she does, she can make me tear up by merely asking a question.

Sinasabi ko sa kanya ang lahat, about my fucked-up family life, including this decision I could no longer avoid.

"She's thinking of France or maybe Italy," I said, referring to my mother's decision. "Nothing is finalized yet. I'm not even sure if she has an absolute plan."

Resting my chin against my palm, humarap akong muli sa labas ng bintana kung saan naglalakad ang ilang grupo ng mga estudyante mula sa university. I watched them, but my mind was elsewhere.

I've been this way since I left home the night Sancho found me in the bar, drinking alone. To think I would rather die than to spend another day in that house with Mom, and yet she's making me decide to leave the country with her. The pressure and guilt from the annulment was a metal chain slowly wrapping around my throat.