Ever So (Saint Claire II)

Part 14

Part 14

The insides of my stomach lurched to my throat, making me stay put in the bathroom sink. Nakasampa ang mga palad ko sa rim ng toilet bowl habang nakaluhod sa marble tile.

The heavy anxious feeling remained in my chest nang tumayo ako para halughugin ang medicine cabinet for a specific bottle. But I no longer have it around the condo. It's been a while since I had an attack. I almost believed I got over it.

After several minutes of my stomach pulling my insides out, bumalik  ako sa living room para kunin ang phone ko sa coffee table. With cold fingers, I searched through my contacts to find a familiar name.

"Hello, Ms. Eula?"

I smiled bitterly thinking I would no longer hear her voice after my last visit at her clinic years ago. Dropping in the couch, I told her what triggered the response after years of keeping it at bay.

Lampas hating gabi na pero hindi ko magawang matulog. I was afraid  to lull myself to sleep because that means facing my thoughts. My thoughts weren't exactly the kindest to me. So I avoid facing them as much as I could.

The incident at the parking lot kept flashing in my head like a light switching on and off. Muli akong tumayo mula sa kama at pumunta sa bathroom. I threw up vile from my empty stomach... the same way I did every night several years ago.

--

"This isn't right! Everything! All of this!"

Mom was screaming again. Her voice was followed by crashing sound  of bottles on the floor. Tonight's poor target must be her perfume collection. I didn't matter how expensive they were anyway. She could buy a few more.

"Elena! For fuck's sake, stop this!"

I placed my headset against my ears, silencing the voice of my Dad  trying to calm her down. Another episode. Another night I had to  survive.

Tomorrow morning, once the storm ended and the sea turned calm, the maids would go to her room to clean every trace of the episode. And Mom would go through her day like nothing happened-- shopping for new things, spending time in spas, and meeting friends at expensive restaurants.

I was carbon copy of my Mom more than I wanted to admit. She had  this elegance in her that made her looked unattainable. High cheek  bones, sharp nose, and the intimidating eyes of someone who lived her whole life surrounded by old money.

I remembered Grandad telling stories of how he spoiled my mother  when she was a child. She had his own yacht at eighteen and regularly spent her summer in Europe and Christmas vacations on Canada or  Japan. Grandmom often gifted her with luxury items like bags and jewelries for small achievements like passing a test. My Mom grew up spoiled rotten.

But we're not only similar when it comes to looks... I could hide my fucked-up life better than she hide hers.

After every episode, I would leave the house and go through my day in school like nothing was ever wrong in my life. What could go wrong  after all? I was known to be the only daughter of one of the richest families in our city. I walked around in my signature shoes, iPad and Macbook in expensive bags, with allowance equals to the salary of a middle class adult. The right to complain is only given to those visibly suffering. I was rotting in the core.

"Good morning, Eula."

"Morning, Ms. Cardona."

I kept my rehearsed smile throughout the day while people approached me in hallways and classrooms. I was Ms. Friendly after all. The department's sweetheart. Despite being envied, most of them wanted to get close to me.