Killing the king

Should i?

"We're home!"I shout through the door.
"Mom!"Riha attacks me as soon as I'm through the door as always.
"We need to talk in private follow my lead"I whisper lowly in her ear.She squeezes me in reply.
"Why don't you show me that thing you wanted to show me before the chaos"
"Oh yeah your gonna love it!Cmon"She guides me hand first into her and blues room.God i can smell him so much.
"You can tell who your boyfriend is gods he reeks"
"Don't smell it anymore"She shrugs sitting down on the bed and patting next to her.I join her talking while I sit.
"So I went to the doctors today because of all the throwing up I'd been doing just expecting to be told it's stress and get some tablets to help"I breath and hold her hands. She looks at me with a smile on her face. I didn't want to break this family apart. Not again. "I'm pregnant"She hugs me so hard she might give me an abortion.I push her off and grab her shoulders.She looks at my confused.
"I don't know if it's Vain's"
"What?"She laughs thinking I'm joking.
"Well you know the day vain and me got into a fight the bird side of me took over because he said something to me and."I pause looking at her she already knows.She looks on the verge of tears.
"I went to see the king"
"No"
"Me and vain talked about it he says it'll take a while but he can forgive me but not forget that's also why he was suddenly all for the death of the king."
"Not him."
"I don't want it to be his"She doesn't talk completely frozen like I would be without all my training.
"Don't tell anyone."
"Why did you tell me?"She whispers.
"I don't know what to do.I can't tell vain what if it's not his he would be crushed but what if it is his I can't kill his child he would be crushed about that.No matter what I hurt him."
"You need to talk about this to him.Let him know.You can't run on lies."It's true.
"Thanks Riha.I'll tell you how it goes do you need sometime to think?"She nods and I walk out the room.
"Where's Riha?"Blue asks. Always making everything harder.
"She went for a lie down she'll be out in a bit"I smile going to sit next to the bar.Vain stands behind it.He can tell what I'm feeling.
"Want a drink?"He asks already brewing it.
"Not tonight"I say lying my head on the bar.
"What's bothering you?"
"I lied"
"Bout what?"He asks stroking my hair.He's gonna hate me but no matter what I do he's gonna hate me I should at least let him know the truth.
"What the doctor said"
"What did she say?"Whys he so calm.
"I'm pregnant."His eyes shine but he knows there's more because I look so sad.
"Why are you sad about that?"He asks me so kindly i start crying I'm such a bad person.He quickly climbs over the bar and hugs me close.
"Shhh it's okay I'm not mad at you."He must already know what I'm going to say but I say it anyway.
"I don't know if it's you or him I'm sorry"
"Shhh i don't care who's it is either way I'll be their father not him" i nod into him still crying.
"I don't deserve you"
"No you deserve way better"He says stroking my hair.I cry harder remembering blythe's words and I've never missed anyone more.I missed him.This was the first time i let myself admit it.i missed him so bad.
'Katie I can't tell you that it's all gonna get better,that your gonna wake up truly in one of these future memories but give me a year and a bit and we can make our own version of them memories.I'm not trying to replace your fiancé,I'm just hoping I can help you with the pain.'
I cry even harder into him.I'm so selfish.I want them both.I can't have both.I need to choose.A villain or the king.