Changing Kitty

Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

It killed Emilia. Every hour she watched her daughter suffer was an hour she suffered.

She’d watched her for two weeks just lie motionless on her bed watching the window absently. Every now and then they could convince her to have something to eat but she never managed more than an egg. She’d barely gotten any sleep and Emilia was very worried for her grandchild.

It was not a normal grieving process. Usually the widow or widower would have an opportunity to say goodbye at the funeral service and then spend time with their friends and acquaintances reminiscing, but all Kitty could do was imagine her husband at the bottom of the Caribbean sea somewhere and she would never see him again.

She’d written to Catherine asking advice on what to do when one loses a spouse and she had replied that she would be there as soon as she possibly can. She’d also written to Jane and Daniel informing them of the goings on and they had also promised to be in London as soon as possible.

Emilia sat in a chair in the corner of Kitty’s room sipping at a cup of tea. The tea was supposed to be for Kitty but she had refused it. She barely acknowledged her presence in the room.

“Grandmamma’s written,” Emilia said softly. “She’s coming to stay, as is Uncle Daniel and Aunt Jane, Sabine as well. They all worry for you my darling. Aunt Kassandra and Uncle Peter also send their love but they can’t be away from their farm at the moment.”

Kitty didn’t respond. She just lay in the exact same position that she had been in for the past two weeks – on her side and staring.  

Emilia placed the cup back on the tea plate and walked over to the side of the bed that Kitty was laying on. Her lack of sleep showed. There were bruise – like shadows underneath her dark blue eyes and her brown hair was flat and desperately needed washing. She would never tell her, but Kitty also desperately needed a bath as she had been in the same clothes since she had returned.

“Kitty,” she said soothingly. “I know this is unimaginably painful and that none of us can understand what it is that you’re going through, but you need to know we are here for you,” she said, stroking her cheek softly. Her eyes just seemed to see straight through Emilia. “But it’s not just you that you have to worry about; you also have that little child within you that need’s its mama to care for it. William would want you to take care of your child.” Emilia placed a hand on her daughter’s swollen stomach. She thanked the Lord when she felt the baby kick. Two weeks with little food and sleep and it was still alright.

“I think what William would want is to be alive, mama,” Kitty murmured emotionlessly. “Do not pretend to know his mind.”

Emilia couldn’t help but smile at the fact that her daughter had communicated with her. “I do not pretend to know his mind, darling, but I know for a fact that he would want his child and his wife safe. So I’m going to go downstairs and order a bath for you. I’ll have Mrs Norris prepare some sandwiches and then we shall talk. I do not want to get cross with you, Kitty, but I’m looking out for the both of you.”

Emilia stood up from beside the bed and left Kitty’s room swiftly. On the landing she found one of the maids carrying fresh linen for the guests that were to arrive in a few days. “Could you have some sandwiches brought up for Lady Kitty please, and can you get the footmen to bring up a hot bath for her?”

The little maid nodded and curtseyed. “Yes, milady,” she said softly. She continued onto one of the guest bedchambers before disappearing down the servant’s staircase.

Emilia gathered up the skirt of her black mourning gown as she walked down the stairs. Wearing her mourning clothes felt appropriate. She did not detest it as she had the last time. Mourning Vincent felt unnatural. Mourning a good man and a brave naval hero was right.