Hopeless

1| Riley

"Ryder please be careful, you know that-" I started yelling after the 9 year old who ran off with his little sister following behind him
"I've got it mum, goddd" he groaned slowing down slighting allowing Juliet to catch up to him
Ryder was 9 years old but already had the attitude of a teenager until it came to Juliet. Juliet is only 4 and depends on her big brother like the world revolved around it. If something ever goes down regarding either of them, you can bet money that the other half is standing by their side 
But I couldn't ask for anything more

"Hey you" A familiar voice said making me turn slightly as I sat on the bench
Looking up I was greeted with the same boy who had been there through everything over the years
"Hey Hunt" I smiled watching as he came and sat next to me, Juliet heard his name and instantly turned around smiling at him with a enthusiastic wave before turning back to her game with Ryder 
The two of them being stuck in their own world already

"What brings you this way?" I asked, after finding out about Ryder I moved away from our old area. I didn't need to potentiality of bumping into faces I didn't want in the children's lives. I didn't want any drama for them. They didn't need it 
"I just wanted to pop in and see you is all" He said but I narrowed my eyes at him
Hunter visits every month, at least once. But it is always around the same day so this trip was unexpected, unplanned.. Which could only mean one thing

"How bad is it this time?" I whispered watching Hunter's shoulder's sink a little meaning I was correct
"Look I-" Hunter started but I shook my head
"How bad Hunt" I warned him
"We've seen worse but he is also still in really bad shape. Eldon and West took him up to the cabin to sober up and get whatever is in his system straight back out" He explained making me sigh before looking over at the kids
That was there father..

I never wanted this for them, growing up when I had thought about having children I wanted it to be a happy household
I wanted my kids to know their father, I wanted them to love him and for him to love them 
But in this scenario, James doesn't know the kids exist and the kids don't ask me questions about James

Although I know Ryder has some lined up for me any day

"He hasn't asked for you yet though so that's something right?" Hunter suggested making me sigh
"Yeah, maybe finally James only wants his drugs instead of me right?" I offered making Hunter look at me a little panicked
"I didn't mean it like tha-" He started
"It's okay Hunter, it's true. Maybe he'll stick to chasing that instead of wasting my time?" I asked making Hunter sigh
"Roo you know I never wanted this for any of you" He said looking over at the kids who were busy on the monkey bars

Juliet wasn't quite tall enough of strong enough for them so it meant that Ryder was below her letting her sit on his shoulders while they walked through the monkey bars, Juliet tapping them for good measure 

"The kids and I are good Hunter. Do I wish James had been here to watch them grow up? Yes. But am I sorry he's not? No" I said making Hunter look at me a little emotionless
"It's his loss" I mumbled

"Those kids are spectacular. They might be his blood but that's it, he doesn't deserve the title of their father. I gave him plenty of chances to sober up, to be there for them in time but this time it's no longer an option" I continued
"What do you mean?" Hunter asked most likely just wanting confirmation for what I was saying 

"Even if James became sober, completely off of any drug. He is not being a part of their lives, they deserve better and I'll make sure they get that" I said summing it all up

--

The conversation with Hunter had been playing in my head all day since we got back from the park. I take the kids there every Wednesday knowing it's the a nice midweek kick to keep them happy for school and everything else
I couldn't help but think back of the simple days
When we were just kids ourselves, our biggest problem was Emily and her E-Girls or some other dance related Drama
We were okay.. 

We were perfectly happy.. 
I wouldn't be able to tell anyone when it all switched, when I started to become good enough, when James started to chose other things instead of me 
But I can tell you everything that it's taken from him
He's lost so much but the more he's on this one way ticket to hell, the more he'll continue to use

"Mum?" A voice said making me look up from my phone and the pictures I'd been scrolling through to see Ryder stood at the top of the stairs with a small worrying scowl on his face

When Ryder was a baby, it truly was just the two of us. He was my own little support system and in that moment I didn't need anything or anyone else
But in turn that made him grow up being able to read me like an open book, whenever something is worrying me it worries him too
If I'm up all night, so is Ryder
If I'm sick, he'll shortly follow
We're the same book just in a different font

"Hey RJ, why aren't you asleep?" I asked making him instantly roll his eyes walking downstairs to join me on the sofa
"For the same reason you aren't asleep Mum. What's going on?" Ryder asked sinking into my side allowing our usual cuddle to begin

"Is it something that Uncle Hunter spoke to you about? I saw you talking and you had the same sad look you have when you used to leave for your trips" He explained making me sigh
"Nothing gets passed you does it RJ?" I asked with a hum

"I'm not a little kid anymore Mum, you can't keep things from me" Ryder grumbled
"Hey now, you'll always be my little baby" I smiled pulling him in a little tighter
"Mummm I'm being serious" He groaned making me chuckle
"I promise sweetheart, it is nothing for you to worry about. Uncle Hunter was just telling me that a friend of ours from when we were kids is sick at the moment" I tried to explain in the hope that it was vague enough that he would believe it
"Are you going to go on a trip to see them then?" Ryder asked
"I don't think so baby, I'm not needed" I explained

"Not right now Mum but you might be at some point. If you do need to see them then you can go, you might make them all better" Ryder said making me turn to offer him a small smile
"I'll explain it all to Jules and-" Ryder started to plan
"Ryder honey, I'm not going anywhere. But if I do you'll be the first person I turn to okay?" I offered 

"But if they are sick mum, they need help" Ryder said making me smile at him
"I know baby, but I can't heal everyone" I sighed before Ryder sunk into my arms more cuddling up to me tightly

"I don't believe that for a second, you make everything better Mum" He whispered before a yawn and some more mumbles

If only that was true..