Hopeless

2| James

"Alright how about we all calm down" Eldon groaned as we sat by the lake at the stupid lake house, they bring me here too often to the point I might as well move in here
Although if I did that, it would make this place less beneficial for them
They bring me here in the hope that'll I'll sober up
Which I do
But then the moment I'm back home, it all comes straight back 

"You're literally the only one stressing right now" West quipped making me chuckle as I kicked off my shoes getting a little more comfortable
"Where is Hunter anyway" I asked turning to both of the boys
"He's uh" Eldon started before looking to West for support
"He went into the town just outside of Toronto" He said making me raise a brow at him
"What on earth would he be doing there? Hunter has always hated small towns" I laughed before a smirk fell onto my lips
"He's seeing a girl isn't he" I laughed

"Guess he finally got over Emily then" I said trying to calm myself down
"Nah they still occasionally see each other" Eldon said making West roll his eyes

"Seems like the Miller sisters have a way to keep people attached" I mumbled to myself sighing 

I haven't seen or spoken to Riley in ages, just under 5 years to be exact. I wouldn't be surprised if she had moved on, gotten on with her life. Found her forever, settled down
The whole nine yards
I don't have a right to miss her but I still do 

I miss how we used to be, who we used to be
I miss being her person and her being mine. I miss turning to her at any small news, good or bad. I miss being the person she would let her frustration out on
I miss her

"Have either of you seen her recently? How is she?" I asked knowing that information was going to send me down a one way trip to hell
"She's good James, she's happy" West said making me nod looking back out on the lake
That's all I needed to know, that she was safe, that she was happy 
No matter if there is another guy in the mix now..

There was once a time where all I could do was picture our future together, back when we were teenagers we had it all planned out
Riley was going to go to business school, I was touring with the band. When she was finished we were going to settle down, find a place to set up roots
Hell we would have probably ended up in that small town Hunter is currently visiting 
By now I bet we would have had at least two kids, if luck was on our side it would have been one of each but knowing how female orientated our families are I wouldn't be surprised if they had been both girls 

"Hello?" A voice called making us all turn around to see Hunter walking down the porch heading towards us
"Hey man" Eldon greeted as he came over taking a seat on his usual seat 
"Where have you been you dirty stop out?" I asked making Hunter roll his eyes
"You're one to talk man" Hunter laughed making me sigh knowing that he was right 

When I'm on a trip, I'll be gone for longer then I can even remember 

--

When the boys bring me here, the days are the easiest part. I'll be busy and distracted with whatever we are doing that day but the moment it's lights out I'm on my own and that's when things get bad
That's when my mind wanders to other places
Places it shouldn't be 

This wouldn't have been what he wanted at all, I know that. I fell down the same rabbit whole he did years ago, it took his life in the end
What if that is how it'll end for me?

Maybe my Dad and I aren't so different after all..

He had mum by his side every step of the way. He struggled a lot with alcohol growing up apparently, it was something that he was rather open with but when he lost his Mum when I was 10 he fell down the whole ago, he drank more then he was sober. When that stopped numbing the pain, he turned to pills 
Just like I did..

The moment he left us, I turned straight to his killer.. I found the remainder of his stash in the hope it would help me feel something, or feel nothing. I'm not sure what the plan was at the time 

I knew back then that Riley wouldn't stick around, she didn't deserve to be put through half the shit I'd put her through over the years. This was just the tipping point, the tipping point to something she didn't need 
But yet right now she is all I wanted

"What is going on?" Eldon groaned, before I realised I had done it I was out in the living room trying to find my phone. The moment I had it there was only one person I was going to call
I didn't need  her to show up, although I hope she would
I just needed to her her voice
That's all 
I just need her 

"I'm trying to find my phone" I groaned trying to find their newest hiding place, they change it up every time because I end up finding it every time and calling Riley

"James don't do this" West said coming into the room with Hunter who already looked annoyed
"I just want to talk to her man, it's nothing bad" I warned them all but the looks on their faces meant that I wasn't going to be able to do that 

"You can't do this! You can't take my shit and hold it hostage. Give me my damn phone!" I yelled making Hunter chuckle darkly before shaking his head at me 

"Look at you man, this is not the James we fucking grew up with" He yelled back making me glare at him
"You don't get to call Riley anymore, you don't get to keep pulling her back the moment she gets her head above water. You're a mess James, one that only you can fix and until then we aren't going to let you hurt that girl any fucking more" Hunter growled 

"Why do you care? Let me guess, when things don't work out with Emily you-" I started before Hunter took a step forward before being stopped by Eldon
"You don't know half of the shit that you've missed out since you started this whole path of destruction James" Hunter exclaimed

 "You don't see the aftermath of what you do to Riley when you're like this. You know the moment you call she'll come running but how is that fair? She'll run to you when you need her but what about when she needs you?" Hunter asked

"She can call and I'll-" I started
"Be too high or drunk to even answer your damn phone" Hunter mumbled
"Leave the poor girl alone James for christ sake" Hunter said looking me dead in the eye before turning back around heading to his room

I want to leave her alone, I want her to get on with her life.. But with her, I don't think I can do this