Hopeless

4| James

So that is the real reason they wouldn't let me call Riley? She had a new guy on the scene and they didn't want me messing with that?
I knew she wouldn't have waited forever but part of me had hoped she wouldn't move on

"Where are you going?" Hunter asked probably scared I was about to chase after Riley
Although the thought had crossed my mind I knew that it wasn't an option anymore
I had been replaced
Rightfully so

"James!" Hunter called after me
"I'm going for a shit Hunter, unless you want to come and hold my hand leave me alone" I called back continuing to walk out of the room 
I did have the intention of going to the bathroom and I'm sure I will eventually but that isn't where my feet took me this time around..

I walked straight out of the front door, I didn't have a destination in mind at all but I knew that I had to get out of here. Out of the studio, out of this city.
Everything was suddenly weighing heavily on my shoulders and I didn't even notice
I've lost everything, I lost my family, I lost my friends, I lost Riley
All because I lost someone else? 
How is all of that fair..

Part of me thought of going to see Mum and Piper, but I hadn't in years so I wouldn't be surprised if they hated me. 
Part of me thought of chasing after Riley but I knew she would be in a car so I wouldn't stand a chance
So that left one place.. The one place I knew would only make people hate me more..

"Welcome to Henry's Bar. What can I get ya" A blonde said with a perky smile on her lips as soon as I took a seat on one of the stools

The rest of the day seemed to blur into one the more with every passing glass that's spun my way
At this point I don't know what I'm drinking, how much I've drunk but I'm not drunk
Something today isn't letting it blur my feelings
It's making me feel them all and I fucking hate it

"Buddy you aren't looking too good. Can we call someone to come and get here? You've been here all day" A tall brunette said, I think his name is Hank 
"No, there is nobody" I mumbled throwing back the rest of my drink
"What's you name son" He asked making me narrow my eyes at him
Son

Nobody gets to call me that anymore, he's gone and he took everything I loved with him without realising it 
"James" I grumbled gripping the glass tightly
"James?" Hank continued
"Carter" I said looking up at him
"Oh wait" The blonde from earlier said before handing Hank a card, I watched as he furrowed his brows before looking at me and nodding disappearing into the back office

"Oi blondie, what did you give him?" I asked making her roll her eyes
"Your drunk Card" She said making me instantly pull a face

--

I'd spent the better half of the next hour trying to get information from Hank on the blonde by what the hell a drunk card was and why I had one 
As far as I was aware, I had never been here before
Or if I had I certainly drunk enough not to remember it

"come on, all I want to know is what it is and what you did with it?" I pleaded with Hank who rolled his eyes for the forth time in the last 3 minutes

"I guess you are the one who called?" A familiar voice said making me turn around. Riley stood there with a look on her face, one I grew to know well
Disappointment
"I guess he's yours?" Hank said making me shake my head
"No I'm not. She's got a new boy toy on the scene and -" I started before Riley cut me off
"Not that it is any of your business but I most certainly don't" Riley argued making me turn around to look at her confused

She had either mastered the art of lying over the years, or she really hadn't completely moved on 

Hank gave us some space and moved down the bar to tend to other customers while Riley came and took a seat next to me
Had any of the boys come to my rescue, they would be dragging me out by the hair but for some reason Riley wasn't? 
I turned to look at her, this was the closest I'd been to her in over 5 years and I didn't want to mess this up

"I could give you the usual declaration about cleaning yourself up, working on yourself but it's tedious James" Riley said this time meeting my gaze
Her eyes still that same soft, innocent brown that they were when we were kids trying to run from our curfews

"You have everyone in your corner. Anyone you want would be there in a blink of an eye if you let them but one of these days you'll push us all away" She continued
"I thought you weren't going to the declaration" I mumbled continuing to finish my drink, the moment the alcohol touched my lips Riley raised a brow watching me
I didn't even manage to get a sip in before the fear of her look make me put the glass down pushing it towards her as if to allow her to take it off of me

"I don't have everyone, you weren't there and they wouldn't let me call you and then you had a guy on the phone and-" I rambled
"That is why you are here?" Riley asked her gaze confused
"Yes" I muttered
"The phone call not a guy James, it's a long story but there isn't anyone else on the scene and hasn't been since you last left" She said making me tilt my head looking at her 

"But you could have moved on by now and done everything we had talked about Ri" I mumbled
"Why would I be doing what we talked about with someone else James?" She asked 

For the first time in a while I thought that was my sign of hope. That maybe I stood a chance here, that I hadn't completely lost her

"How about we get you back to the boys at the cabin. I'll come and pop in later this week and check in if it means you'll really try?" She offered making me raise a brow
"You would?" I asked earning a nod 
"If it'll help then yes I will" She said placing a hand on top of mine 
I offered her a smile and received half of one back but that's all I needed 

The pair of us got up from the stools and were heading out the door when a familiar song started playing making me smile instantly
Riley heard the song and instantly stopped too before turning back to look at me

"Are you coming?" Riley asked but I shook my head a smile still playing on my lips before taking a hold of her hand pulling her back into the building with me

"One dance Ri, then we'll go" I mumbled making Riley roll her eyes
"James nobody else is an-" She started
"When has that ever stopped us" I reminded her spinning her in a circle a few times before pulling her in close 

One hand placed gently on her hips while the other intertwined with hers as we gently rocked to the beat of the music, Riley's head was gently rested on my shoulder whether that was planned or not it was welcomed

"I hadn't heard this song in a while" i whispered earning a small laugh from Riley before she raised her head to look at me
"I hear it more often then not" She whispered biting her lips ever so slightly 

The pair of us stayed silent while the song continued, Riley didn't rest on my shoulder this time. Instead her eyes stayed locked on mine, I watched as all of her worries and thoughts played through her head
With each changing expression I could tell what she was thinking about 
In this moment was I only now seeing what I was doing to her 

"Please let this be the final time James" She whispered making my shoulders sink a little
"you can't keep doing this to yourself" She said, the look on her face was the same as the one  from the very first episode

"I don't know how to stop Riley, the moment I get back to my apartment it is all back to how it was" I whispered placing my forehead against hers 

"Let us help. The boys and I will take you back to your apartment, we'll all stay with you one by one or all together until you feel okay to be on your own" She offered
"But I'm only putting that on the table if this is the last time. After this there won't be another call out. You won't be able to call me again for help is your relapse this time" She warned me 

"This is the last time" I whispered

I hope to god, I mean it..