Hopeless

5| Riley

He was drunk, I'd be stupid to think that his promise would stick. 
I wanted it to sure but that didn't mean it would, after all he might not remember any of this tomorrow morning
But if he does and he follows through, I'll hold my end of this deal
I'll be there if he needs, no matter how much it hurts or could possibly hurt in the long run

"Roo" A voice said making me turn around. After the one dance I got James into the car and brought him back to the Cabin where all 3 boys were there waiting for us
They all offered me a sympathetic look, I knew they didn't want me involved this time but I'm beginning to think the only way through to him is using me 
They don't seem to stand a chance would me sometimes..

"It's okay Hunter" I sighed sitting on the steps outside the back door
"No it's not, I told you that you wouldn'-" He started but I shook my head
"I'll always be involved Hunter, whether I want to or not I'll always help" I said earning a sigh from Hunter

"Back in the day I loved the pair of you together, the two of your brought the best out of each other. You brought each other up when needed and also pushed each other back down when you got too big for your boots" he said with a smile
"but I hate this side, I hate that he walks in and out of your life while you sit on the sidelines trying to pick up the pieces" Hunter continued making me look at him
"I love you and I love James but this isn't healthy" He whispered as I nodded

"I love him, I've loved him from the beginning and I pretty certain I'll love him till the end. But sometimes it doesn't feel like he loves me anymore" I confessed
"Like I'm just someone he clings to because it's the lasts stable thing he remembers. What if he sobers up, gets clean and then realises that this was never something he wanted? Then what?" I asked 

"Do you think that would really happen Roo? After all you guys have both been through?" He asked but I shrugged
I would love more then anything to say that this was just a blip with myself, that I knew we would be okay if things got better 
But it's been too long since we had a good day, I don't even remember what a good day with James feels like 

"He loves you Riley, anyone can see that" Hunter added
"It's clouded, it's scary, I get it but the pair of you love each other and I'm convinced the only thing keeping both of you going is the fact you love each other" He offered but I shrugged

"What if that just isn't enough Hunt?" I asked honestly, but also not really wanting an answer

--

Saturday's were my favourite day of the week, it's the one day a week that the kids and I rarely have anything planned. We use it to spend time together, usually doing something fun but occasionally spent it just laying around the house. Which to me sounds perfect to me 

"Mummy!" Juliet giggled running into my bedroom shortly followed by Ryder. The pair of them were quick to jump onto the bed getting cosy underneath the covers, the perfect Saturday morning 

"Where did you go last night?" Jules asked making me tilt my head to look at her. She had been asleep, both them had been when I left last night.. Mandy from next door came and sat in the house but as far as I was aware, neither of them woke up
"You went somewhere?" Ryder asked, sounding a little hurt
"I did, I need to talk to you both about it actually" I said making Ryder's expression change to worried while Juliet started her famous pout 

"One of Mummy's friends are very sick right now. He's poorly so there may be occasions here and there were I have to go and help him get better. I wouldn't be leaving you for long and I would never leave you on your own" I started
"He's poorly?" Juliet asked and I nodded
"Who is it?" Ryder asked making my breath hitch completely. I had never mentioned James to them and they had never asked..
But we have one rule in this house. We do not lie to each other..

"He's a friend that Uncle Hunter, Uncle West and Uncle Eldon and I all grew up with" I explained while Juliet scootched closer cuddling up to me
"Is he silly like Uncle El?" Jules asked making me chuckle
"He's actually best friends with your Uncle El, they've known each other since they were your age" I said stroking her hair softly

I glanced up at RJ to see him thinking, it was the same face I pull when I'm trying to work things out in my head, where I'm trying to make it all make sense
I hate that he got that from me..

"Jules why don't you go get your blanket and we'll have a cuddle movie this morning" I said offering her a smile which of course earnt a trail of giggles as she headed out of my room to gather her things

"Talk to me Ryder, what's going on in your head" I said softly reaching out to him, but the moment my hand touched his knee he jumped
Not because I was hurting him but because he was so buried into his face he had forgotten his surroundings
"I don't like this" He whispered looking up at me with his big brown eyes
"You don't like what sweetheart?" I asked 
"The entire situation, I feel like there is something you aren't telling me. Something you are hiding" He continued 
"There is one or two things but it isn't my place to say baby. The moment I can tell you I promise I will" I offered watching his gaze travel back to me

"Is that okay?" I asked earning a small nod before he moved closer to me

"You aren't going to get hurt are you?" He asked rubbing small circles on my arm, it was his coping mechanism for when he couldn't control something that was going on
"I'm going to do my best not to" I confessed 
"And you promise you'll come back if you have to leave?" He whispered still focusing on the circles

"I promise, there is nothing on this earth that I would chose over you and your sister RJ. Nothing" I said placing my head on top of his 
"Nothing?" He asked
"Nothing" I repeated 

If I had to choose between James and the kids, my choice was simple and I wouldn't ever look back.