I wonder what would happen if I just died? I wonder who would cry, who would care, who would remember, and who would know?
I wonder if anyone would notice my absence at all!! They sure don't seem to notice me now. Perhaps maybe if I do die I'll finally get some attention and some notice. I just want you to except me. I just want to feel like you. I want to laugh. I want to smile. I want to feel better about myself. To belong.
No instead I'm watching you walk away as the darkness consumes me. Watching you ignore my cries for your help and watching as myself becomes something unfamiliar and distorted. Laughing at my own pain. Crying while in deep sea of rage and hatred. Pitying everyone else who's just like me.
I've come to turn against their cries as well making my heart colder than ice itself. For the fire within me to start over again and to become human again and not a monster. Loving people's cries for help or the sight of blood as it pours from their non-healing wounds.
Depression. It's like having a heavy weight crushing your chest. You begin to loose breath and hope for everything to just disappear. It can make your head pound and your eyes so tired.
You become so tired...
So sleepy....
That you never wanna wake up again.
So you grab your sleeping pills and pour the whole thing down your throat. You put blades to your veins to make yourself fall asleep from the blood loss.
And you finally fall asleep..
Then awaken to see it was all a dream. Everyone around you smile and treat you the way you wished they'd do. You realize they've been doing that all along. You were just in denial. You didn't know how to trust them again. All because of one person. Just one single person... But now that you look back at them.. You see just how wrong they were about you. You're amazing, bright, caring, handsome, beautiful, loving, and all these fantastic things!! You look back at yourself and all the foolish thoughts you had and laugh. You throw it off your shoulder and stomp on it. Destroying it completely and going on with your good life.
Depression. It's a real thing and it really is a terrible thing to go through. If someone you know suffers from depression don't straight out judge them.. Just take a moment to think how it would feel to walk a mile in their shoes.
