More often than i'd like to admit, i feel stupid and weak.
Like the world saw me and thought "Oh, this one, this one isn't going to make it if we don't make him dumb. He has to be able to escape pain or he will break instantly."
And here i am, not intelligent enough to grasp the full meaning of my feelings and thoughts, and not strong enough to not be bothered by this.
I wrote "the world" earlier, but really it's my own voice.
I made myself stupid thinking it would make me strong.
Maybe it did a little. Maybe it's not strength but sheer dumbness. But if it allows me to escape...
I know I should face the hardships head-on. And I know I can't. I am too weak, and now too stupid as well.
Kid, 20yo, 21 soon, stupid and weak, or weak and stupid. But happy somehow thanks to that.
And sometimes,
sometimes i can feel something somewhere
staring at me from the darkness
staring right at me with its white eyes
hidden
living in a place that isn't fully in me nor fully outside of me
The thing has a name
It is pain
It wants me to notice it
It wants my undivided attention
But I leave it in the dark
and still
I can feel its cold stare
And sometimes
My eyes lock with its eyes
and a black, black ocean fills my heart
for a few seconds that feel like eternity
VOUS LISEZ
A Brainless Dude's Thoughts
Science FictionI just think writing is a rad way to pass time and grow. Not that i know how to write. But i can do whatever i want. Je sais pas pourquoi j'écris en anglais.
