All the World (Hand in Hand Chronicles)

Chapter 11: " And therefore, sweet friend, take it patiently"

England becomes my life. More than that Edward does. My native french is gone from my tongue, I speak the dialect they use here in England. My clothes are what Edward provides. And by the time I turn twenty I look more the courtier than the solider. Stiff and lean from jousting, I still do that whenever I can. I also slip off to Edward's bed when I can. And it nearly disgusts me how obvious it is to others. Oh, they don't know it's him. But to look on me they know. Oh, they know. I don't know how I'm betraying myself to stop it. But I look like someone even I don't recognize. It's either Edward's flattery, or something like the truth, but I become aware I'm not strictly ill on the eyes. All this time in court I'm fair spoken as well, I know how to match turn of phrase and flatter.
But I'm not about to.
The prejudice runs strong. Fine clothes or not I'm the poor boy from Gascony. And nothing more. The probable sodomite. The princes' toy. That's all I've become.
And I'm getting more and more lost.
Which doesn't help when Edward's lost too. We're back from campaign and trying to fit back in at court. Worse, I act he doesn't. He thinks if he wants me he can have me and the world shall have to live with that. Well the world does live with it in its own way.
"People talk," I impress, one night, "You don't—we don't have to flaunt it all right?"
"I'll do as I wish, Perot. I'm the prince I can have what I please and that's you," he says, idly, lying on his bed and gazing out the window. We are half drunk which is part of the trouble.
"Do you—begin to understand how that looks for me?" I ask. I'm cross. Back from a tournament and the name calling was worse than ever.
"Just for you? They say it of me too, so what?" he says, becoming annoying. I'm well acquainted with his rash, quiet temper. Slow to anger, but once he's annoyed he'll be terribly petty. I know it. I just have my own temper.
"So, it's not necessarily easy, always," I say, shaking my head, "That's what I'm saying. And they don't say it of you. Not the same."
"Well at least I sleep with girls," he says.
"Oh, that's where you're going?" I ask, filled with anger, now.
"I didn't mean it like that—," he quickly retracts, sitting up.
"No, you clearly did," I snarl, "Perhaps I should try then eh?"
"No, no, don't be stupid I didn't mean it like that," he says, as I leave. I ignore him, banging out his door. The thing of it is I'm well aware he'd be insanely jealous if I had an affair. That doesn't mean he hasn't had affairs before me. I wouldn't be shocked if he did now. I know he still flirts with the blacksmiths' daughter. An ongoing attention that neither cares to break off.
I'm red faced and fuming by the time I reach my rooms.
"Had a row with someone?" Aimee asks, she doesn't look up from her stitching, "I didn't expect you back. I've got a lover coming."
"Very funny," I say, sitting down next to her, hands in my hair.
"What?" She asks, looking over.
"Edward," I sigh, "Just pissed me off."
"No, everyone else got you miserable after the tournament," she says, "He's just the last person to irritate you and coincidentally the reason they're miserable."
"All right be accurate," I say, glaring at her a little.
"What do you want to do?" She asks.
"Oh nothing. I can't leave him," I say.
There's a knock at the door.
"I really can't leave him," I sigh.
"Master Gaveston, Lord Edward requests your presence."
"Yeah coming, I'm busy having an affair," I call.
Aimee giggles.
"I'm supposed to wait," the voice calls.
"Why are you going?" Aimee asks, "Every time."
"He needs me," I sigh.
Even if he won't admit it.
"I need you. I'm sorry. I need you," or he will.
"It's just been a rotten day," I sigh, as Edward cups his hands to my cheeks.
"I need you. Don't leave. You can't," he says, "I'm afraid I—I don't know what will happen if I lose you."
"You're not losing me, I was just cross," I say, laying a hand over his.
Every time he calls I come. If he needs me I'm there. And I'm rapidly losing myself, but what's so terrifying is I don't mind at all. I like being by his side and my identity terrifyingly needs little else. I have few friends, and fewer occupations. I still joust, which is comforting in and of itself. Edward still, mostly watches.
Aimee is getting older as well. I offer to try to arrange a marriage for her, not that I know how to do that, but she declines.
"Your relationship with Edward is enough for us both."
"That's disgusting. But I see your point," I mutter.
She's right though. My relationship with Edward consumes a more than normal portion of both of our lives. I'm glad I have her about to keep me sane. And we are the only family the other has, so we cling to each other.
Naively, I think things shall stay the same forever. And that in fact we've very nearly won. No, I'm not popular or anything but I don't need to be. I'm not wholly unnoticed. But again I don't need to be. I'm one of Edward's friends, how natural. We breezily excuse it. I go most everywhere with him now. And he's decidedly comfortable with that. As am I.
"My niece is marrying, we're going to it you're coming," he tells me, putting clothes in my arms.
"Which niece—?"
"Eleanor. You've met her," he says, helpfully.
"That really doesn't narrow anything down though—? I've met so many people," I sigh.
"Do you know anyone's names?" He laughs.
"You're Edward. And I know Richmond," I say.
"Really? Do you? What's Richmond's name?"
"Ah—probably John?" I guess, weakly.
"You had a great chance of being right. Oh well. Eleanor is my oldest niece, my favorite," he clarifies, like he isn't fond of all of them, "She's marrying Despenser's eldest."
"I know Hugh Despenser he talks to me sometimes at parties," I say.
Edward shakes his head. It's worth nothing he knows everyone in Langley, London, and Wales by name.
And I turn twenty three years old. I'm not a boy anymore nor do I look it. Finally I at least have rough stubble on my face, and while I'm not as tall as Edward I'm reasonably tall and I've gotten broad. Jousting has left me thick and muscled, with more than a few halfway decent scars to show for it. And despite being twenty three I have no wife, nor do I look for one. And the line 'I have no need of a wife' somehow dispels no gossip. I ask Richmond why that line only works for him.
"Do as I say, not as I do. May recommend marrying or taking a lover?"
"You may not."
I know for a fact I don't need to complicate my life any further. My personality has not improved since I was sixteen. And I know it. While I usually remedy that by simply not speaking, even I admit that I'm not entirely committed to that strategy either.
The Royal treasurer, or one of I suppose they have several, but the one in question is a man called Langton. Walter Langton, despite quarrels with various members of the king's house hold he's stayed on. And despite a trip to Rome to try to remove charges of witchcraft he's still in the king's service. I mutter something about being the least problematic royal favorite and nobody agrees with me.
"Just because you haven't had the opportunity to cause problems doesn't make you unproblematic," Richmond is accurate if annoying.
And as it happens I do cause problems. Langton, who never should have been back to begin with, starts a quarrel with Edward. This is honestly hard to do, but once properly enraged Edward can stay cross for centuries if he deems it necessary.
This dispute nearly comes to blows when I'm present. Edward had accused him of skimming money from the royal coffers which he was doing. But the man is vile he's hardly going to admit it. And he has no issues insulting Edward either.
The dispute doesn't come to blows because as it happens Edward is rather good at holding me back and identifying when I might need to be held back.
"He's not worth it," Edward reminds me, holding me back by the balled up back of my tunic, "Don't. My father will only protect him."
"He insulted you," I snarl, face red with anger.
"I noticed, now come on, we'll be lucky if he doesn't whine to my father about it," Edward rolls his eyes.
We are not lucky, as it happens.
Langton runs directly to the king, and complains about the incident. We don't know this until we're summoned before the king.
"What could he want with both of us?" Edward asks.
"Probably the part of the week where you had a public shouting match with Langton and had to stop me from punching him," I say.
Edward stares at me.
"But there could be other reasons," I say, holding up my hands, "Whatever happens let's just remain calm and respectful, and we'll work everything out later on all right?"
Edward nods.
"All right? Just don't say anything, agree and we'll work out whatever his punishment is, we'll be together," I encourage.
"Yes," Edward says, softly. I know how he dreads seeing his father.
King Edward sees us in a hall, with plenty of his own men about. We both bow, and I hang back, politely, I wasn't actually summoned, I'm just here with Edward, as ever.
"You had a public dispute with Langton, is that so?" King Edward asks.
"Yes, father," Edward says, but I can see the annoyance already building in him, the muscles standing out in his neck, "He's already been accused twice of witchcraft, and simony."
"I didn't ask you of what he's accused," the King says. Despite his age he's a tall man, and rather imposing. I've rarely seen him not glaring, and though his skin is withered his eyes are quick. "If you cannot learn to be civil with my staff you shall lose some of your own. I'm dismissing six men from your service."
"No," Edward says.
I feel my stomach drop.
"Including him," the King points and I feel all eyes on me, "He's already too much in your company."
"No, pick anyone else, name them. He's my sworn companion," Edward cries, tears actually on his cheeks.
"Leave us," King Edward says, then he simply turns and walks away.
"No," Edward cries again, crumpling to the ground.
I feel his pain and don't bring up our previous conversation. And I'm so concerned for him that it genuinely takes me a solid moment to realize I've just been dismissed.
I've been dismissed.
I don't have anywhere else to go. At Richmond's counsel I have some small money but not enough to support myself or Aimee.
I've been dismissed and the king's men are urging me out. Edward fell to the floor begging with his father's turned back.
I'm herded from the room. In shock. Where do I go? I'm dismissed what does that mean, can I live nearby? That's not stopping us from seeing one another.  Is it? That isn't actually what he said I'm just no longer a knight here.
"Dismissed? Because the prince had an argument with that thief Langton?" Aimee is as confused as we are.
"I'm a punishment as it happens," I admit, "I haven't spoken to Edward yet, I don't know what it looks like. But nobody dismissed you, so I don't see why you can't stay under Edward's protection."
"I'm staying with you," Aimee says, "Of course. But where are you going to go?"
"I don't know, I mean I'm not to leave England, so nearby? I can just do the tournament circuit, nothing's stopping Edward from going to jousts. I was probably going to try to enter this year anyway," I say.
"How did this conversation become about jousting within five minutes?" Aimee sighs.
"I'm in it," I wink.
My conversation with Edward is far less jovial.
"My father won't live forever. God, he's already old this is proof God doesn't like him either! When he dies I'll bring you back," Edward says, clutching my arm, "We'll be fine. I have money you can live in one of my properties I—,"
"I can live in town. This is fine I'll just go on the tournament circuit," I say, "I was planning on it this year anyway. That'll keep me about you can come and see me joust. We'll stay together in taverns."
"How did this conversation become about jousting?" Edward asks, so lovingly with so much judgment, "How is your plan to get out of this jousting?"
"It's what I'm good at. And as you said you'll bring me back on eventually," I say, as calmly as possible.
"And he'll die eventually," Edward says, hugging me, "Promise me you'll be safe."
"I promise," I say.
I don't get to go on the tournament circuit, as it happens. Because, and this is odd, apparently 'dismissed from the prince's service' is an entirely different thing from 'dismissed from the king's service'.
"You're still a knight of the crown, you bloody idiot," someone stopping me from packing my rucksacks onto my horse.
Which means I'm on the next Scottish campaign. I'm not actually sacked, my job is just something other than follow Edward around all day. I'm pleased enough with this, Edward is not even happy the part where I don't follow him around all day was most significant to him, as it happened. And now anything else is merely details.
"Of course your sister stays here, I need to get letters to you. Also I care about your sister," he adds the second bit when I glare at him. It's playful though. He'd put up a Langley a beggar off the street, as in he's actually done that, of course he was always going to care for my sister.
"I'll be fine. You know there's nothing up here to be damaged," I say, patting my head.
"Do not say that," Edward says, kissing my cheeks, "Just be safe. And I'll have you home soon."
"I'll be fine," I promise.
Aimee is pleased that I'm not actually fully dismissed and responds appropriately.
"That means you'll be back in no time! Just be normal on the Scottish campaign," she says.
"What is that supposed to mean?" I ask.
"It means don't get in a fight or arrested or anything daft," she sighs.
She didn't take into account how truly boring the Scottish campaign turns out to be. We find nothing after a week there's no Scottish rebels to fight. And I've never once been charged with making good decisions. It's all very dramatic, there's a warrant put out for my arrest which is over kill if you really think about it. All because I and a few others 'abandoned campaign' just to 'go jousting'. I mean, there wasn't a lot of campaign to abandon. And I was winning the tournament not that I'm supposed to talk about that. And arresting us is really dramatic they knew where we went and clearly could find us.
I'm not even afraid when I'm brought before the king, because I see Edward's face and it's obvious no matter what happens he's going to murder me with his bare hands. Aimee will probably help him.
I and the twenty others who did it with me, all bow before King Edward. Once again we're back at Langley. This time, his wife Queen Margret is with him. She looks—amused? Well admittedly the situation isn't all that serious if your lover isn't standing there somehow radiating 'what the fuck is wrong with you, bitch, I'll kill you myself' through a series of very subtle hand gestures.
"You abandoned campaign. To go jousting?" King Edward asks, staring at us. It's not really a question, we're all kneeling.
"They abandoned no battle. Treat them leniently, my love," Queen Margret says, looking at us.
I'm surprised by the grace but say nothing.
"They were stupid," King Edward says.
"They were being young men, as our sons will be someday. And they've all admitted the transgression," she points out.
"As you will, my dear. Very well, let this serve as a warning to you," King Edward says, "Return to your duties."
I'm stunned, but wholly relieved. I did anticipate some punishment for that. Yes, even when I did it. But I'd not been jousting in an age and it felt worth it. I'm so relieved to be dismissed with no punishment, I actually forget that I have to face the most judgmental people.
Edward throttles me. Well he kisses me first, then he just shakes me.
"What is going on up here? Huh? Is there nothing but air and love behind your pretty, pretty eyes? Is that it? Do you actually have cognitive thoughts or do you just gravitate towards the nearest tournament like a dog to a bone? Is it possible my GREYHOUNDS ARE SMARTER THAN YOU YOU COMPLETE IDIOT?" Edward asks, shaking me by the shoulders and pinning me to a sofa.
"I missed you too? Yes, I usually am good at finding tournaments?" I wince, "Aimee, please save me he doesn't know his own strength."
"No. You deserve it, Perot, jousting? Seriously? You were dismissed as it was you're lucky the  king didn't fine you or lock you up," Aimee says.
"That's it? Nothing goes on in your pretty head? Christ, I should kill you! You're so bloody stupid," Edward says, kissing me again on the lips, "I'm having you chained to me. That's it. I just need to do the thinking for both of us."
"No, you don't think about jousting enough," I say.
"I give up," Edward says, just hugging me like a ragdoll.
"No, no don't give up we agreed you're being cross with him," Aimee says.
"I can't he's too lovely," Edward says, snuggling me.
"Are you not mad at me anymore?" I ask.
"I'm going to be mad at you for twenty years."
And because of all this, we genuinely forget I was dismissed in the first place, and I go back to my old haunt of just following Edward around. The good thing about that is, the King has also forgotten that I was dismissed in the first place, and lets me go back to following Edward around.
Richmond was out of the country, home in Brittany, for all of it, and doesn't get the full story till he visits again.
"Let me get this straight. You fought with that boar Langton, and got dismissed. So you were on campaign but because you don't have basic reasoning abilities, you go jousting, you get arrested, and then the king pardons you and everyone forgets you were not supposed to be here to begin with so you're back to doing your impression of Edward's shadow?" He asks, filling a wine cup to the top.
"Yes that's exactly what happened," I say.
"Do you see why it should not be?"
"A little," I wince.
"Saint's long dead and alive," he drains the entire cup of wine, "You'd better starting getting wiser, Piers."
I do not.