Weekends To Full-Time

Weekends To Full-Time (part 5)

It has been a month now, and yes, I still want to become Josh again (calling Rob in my old body by my name now). I have started thinking of myself as Rob; it is just easier to do so and makes it harder for me to slip up, not realizing someone is calling me by shouting "Rob" and forgetting that it is now my name. It is not like we are going to find a way to switch back. Neither of us have found anything, not a single thing, not online or in books. Josh has even gone to some psychics, but they thought he was just making fun of them.

But it is not all bad. School is still as hard as ever, but I'm getting over my intelligence not being great, and I don't feel that bad about asking for more help when I need it.

My marks have gotten a lot better; I went from being one of the lowest graded students in my year to being in the top 40-30% now!

I know I should not feel so happy about it, but seeing how it makes my mom look so happy that I am truly trying at school and my brother even seems happy when I bring home a good grade. I had to change my study time to before I have go to bed, with feeling a need to go to the skatepark, and Ben and James were getting annoyed that I was not hanging out with them as much with studying instead.

So now I try to study for two hours before bed, It is still hard and I can see why the real Rob didn't do it, It is so hard not to get distracted by stupid things.

Oh, and Mom has started to date again, I haven't met the guy she is dating, but my new personality does not like the idea, I try to say I'm fine with it, but I do not like the idea of a man moving in here, I know it is Rob's mind making me feel this way, but I am now Rob, even if I don't want to be, Oh and I started to think of Mom as "Mom" and not "weekend Mom," and my brother as "bro" and not "weekend bro." Again, it is just easier, and thinking of her as my actual mom feels nice since I haven't had one before.

But Sundays are still bad, bad, bad, and more bad, Sure I love playing soccer, but God church was really messing with my head, because I think I am actually starting to believe. I know I have plenty of reasons not too, but being Rob now I have lots of reasons now and a personality pushing me to do so, I know I believe in something now. I don't know if it is God, but I do know I am only questioning it because I have been Rob for just over a month now.

And it has not helped that Mom talked to the priest and accepted on my behalf to be an altar boy, It's not the worst since it gets me out of Sunday school, but the other boys are kind of odd, Not in the way they're too Catholic, but kind of the opposite, They swear more than anyone else I know in this life, When I have hung out with them after church, they do some crazy things, Like last week, I decided to meet up with them after the service, and we ended up breaking into some old factory and scaring each other by making stupid noises, hiding, and jumping out of doorways. Once we got bored, we ended up throwing rocks at the windows and getting a thrill from the noise of the glass smashing and seeing the glass shatter, I know what we were doing could get us into a lot of trouble, but knowing that was part of the fun.

But I have only hung around with them a couple of times, I still prefer relaxing at the skatepark with Ben and such, speaking of the skatepark, there is this girl there who I can't take my eyes off. She's around 12, and I feel like a creep for wanting to ask her out and wanting to kiss her. It is weird. Is it wrong for me to have these feelings? Because like three weeks ago, I was disgusted with myself for feeling attracted to her, knowing I am really a 35-year-old man inside. But now, now I know I am Rob Cook, an 11-year-old boy, and I know I have his personality, and obviously his taste in women.

So if I am just a boy now, is it really that bad? I really want to ask her out, but I just keep thinking that if the world finds out what happened to me and to Josh, I will be seen as a monster. So I just stare and hope that one day, I will get the strength to go and do it, It does not help that Ben makes fun of me staring at her, and he even told Tim, thinking it is funny that my little brother makes fun of my crush. And in a way, I kind of hope that is all it is, but in a way, I don't.

But it seems life is still going on, and my 12th birthday is in another month's time, I am actually excited about it, Mom said I can have an airsoft party. I, being in the body of a tween, couldn't think of anything more fun to do on my birthday, I kept talking about it with my friends who also seem like they can't wait. It's something 11-year-olds are rarely or never allowed to do, so that is one big thing to look forward to if Josh and I can't find a way to fix this switched body problem.

But I am worried about him, He seems too happy with my life, and we only message each other on Sundays. I don't want Mom to see me messaging a stranger on the internet about my personal life, which she would think is strange, and he doesn't want Sarah, now his wife, seeing him messaging an 11-year-old kid. But each time, he always says how good the kids are and how he and Sarah are getting on great. That made me think about what "great" entails, and I try not to think of them being intimate, but what got to me were two things. One, I had to be the one to ask for the last two weeks, if he has found anything about our swap, and two, I found myself caring less and less about my old wife and kids. I just want to know if Rob/my old body is doing okay and if he found anything new about the swap.

It kind of frightens me, knowing that less than a month ago, I still felt a lot more about my kids and wife. But now, I kind of thought of them as some old lady and two kids I have some memories of. It started to feel like when you think of characters in a movie or a TV show, like they don't really matter and aren't connected to you in any way.

So I guess that is really it, Not a lot of stuff, just school, questioning my religious beliefs, wondering if it is okay to have feelings for a girl who is the same age as the new me, and slowly feeling nothing for my loved ones in my old life. But at least I have my birthday party to look forward to, right?