𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭, 𝐬𝐚𝐦 𝐟𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧

𝐒𝐚𝐦

"Mam I'm off to meet Deano for a few pints. See ya later" I shout through the house as I slip on my shoes.

"Alright love, make sure you two stay out of trouble. Love you pet" She shouts back and I respond as I shut the door.

I had asked if Dean wanted a few pints because I needed to open up to someone about Arabella and I knew he would listen and tell me his true opinions on the situation. He was my best friend and lead guitarist after all.

I got to the Low Lights quite quickly as I just thought over the same topic, her. I spotted Dean straight away at our normal table in the corner near the bar.

"Here he is, what's with suspicious just us meeting like? Tryna make a move on us lad?" Dean joked as I sat next to him with the pint he had waiting for me.

"You're proper hilarious yanno Deano" I retorted.

"Seriously though what's going on?" He asked as I gulped a part of my pint down.

"I kissed Arabella" I whispered, staring around the familiar bar not daring to look at him.

"You fuckin what?" He shouted, confusion and shock bubbling in him.

"I know I know, be mad all you like," I said, putting my hands up in defeat.

"Get talking now" He demanded.

I explained everything that had happened since she had come back home. As I went over the details I realised how chaotic this all was, we were still acting like those teenagers just more hurt.

"I thought you had moved on lad, I mean you haven't mentioned her since that night back when we were eighteen" Dean spoke, sinking everything in.

"I pushed it away, yanno pretended it never happened like. Figured I'd never see her again and that I fucked up way too much for anything to ever happen if I did see her" I explained.

"Well you've got one thing right, you did fuck up massively Sam. You know I won't defend you over then. The only question I have is how do you feel now?" He questioned, making me think for a second.

"I know me and her are way too fucked up from the past for it to be easy but I love her. I want her back. I know it's selfish and I hate myself for it because I don't even know anything about how she feels about us. There's just something about her I don't want to let go" I said, sighing before downing my second drink.

"You need to talk to her Sam, the poor girl must be driving herself insane. You broke her into a million pieces, she ran away for fucks sake" Dean spoke and I knew right then and there I had to go talk to her now.

"I'm ganna go now, I won't do it otherwise and fuck up more," I said and didn't even let him speak before I darted out and walked towards her house.

I made my way outside her house and knocked before I had the time to turn around.

"Sam? What are you doing here?" Arabella questioned as she opened the door.

She was wearing jeans and a graphic t-shirt, looking beautiful as ever with her glasses. Fuck she was out of my league but she always has been.

"I need to talk to you, Rose. Are your grandparents here?" I asked before stepping in.

"No, they went out for the night. It's just me but you should go Sam" She spoke going to close the door before I stopped it.

"We need to talk. Please Arabella" I practically begged until she let me in and guided me to the living room.

"Go on then. What's so urgent?" She urged me on as she stood on the other side of the room, keeping as much distance.

"Us. The other night when we kissed"

"Sam it was just a kiss. We were caught up in emotions and went too far. There's no point in bringing up the past" She panicked out but I knew her too well to know that isn't how she felt.

"Bullshit Arabella. There are so many reasons to bring up the past. We can't run around for the rest of our lives being hurt, writing songs about each other but never ever bringing the mysterious past of us" I spoke, anger building at her coldness.

"It's no mystery that you broke my heart, became the Sam Fender and I ran away. The whole fucking town knows Sam, I still get fucking looks and questions" She retorted, now clinging onto her locket as her anger rose.

"So you're telling me the other night, you felt nothing. It was just past emotions" I shouted.

"We're hardly going to have a romance story, Sam, look at our history. It's the first time I've seen you in ten years. We were eighteen Sam"

"Prove it, kiss me without any feelings" I spoke gently.

"I'm not kissing you when you broke my heart twelve years ago Sam" She whispered, not daring to look me in the eyes.

"That's what it's about. I'm scared too but we could work this time Arabella. Give us one chance please" I said, standing closer to her now.

"You're a liar. You aren't scared at all. You are going to play the same trick all over again and I can't take it again" She spoke, looking me in the eyes now.

"I didn't play any trick at all I promise"

"You lied when you broke up with me, you lied when we were together and you are lying now" She shouted, tears in her eyes.

"I screwed up all right I will admit that but I have never once lied to you without having a good reason. We can just talk this out, and fix all of our history" I shouted back.

"You're in my head, even when you aren't supposed to be. It shouldn't be this hard to let go of teenage love" She whispered, tears now escaping her eyes.

I shook my head as tears made their way to my eyes, looking at her. I hated myself. I hated myself for making all this mess and I can't even tell her why. I hated myself for still loving her.

"You need to go now please" She whispered again, her voice breaking so slightly.

"No please, we can talk or shout. Just please don't give up. I'm not giving up" I stood my place as she came closer to get rid of me.

"Leave now Sam" She shouted, shoving me. "Leave please" She shouted again, continuously pushing me until I stopped her by putting my hands on hers.

She looked me in the eyes, her red raw eyes hurt my heart physically knowing it was my fault and I knew I had to leave as she shook her head crying at me.

I walked out the door and watched her shadow sink to the floor through her curtains making the tears of anger leave my eyes finally. I knew this was torturing me as I turned around and made my way home, wanting to disappear.

I ran into my room, not wanting to worry my mum. I straight slammed the door and screamed at myself. I didn't even have time to think before I punched my wall and bruised all my knuckles before smashing a glass at the wall.

God, I hated myself for everything I had done to her. 

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this is a long chapter but a needed one. told ya it weren't gonna be simple. dramaaaa. hope you enjoy love ya x