Carrying the Real Trophy ✓

Chapter XXI

XXI: Yes

Trigger Warning: Suicide

"Sorry," anunsyo niya pagkatapos umiyak saaking balikat, walang pang isang minuto ang nakakalipas.

"It's okay. You can cry—"

"Papasok na ako ng kuwarto," putol niya at mapait na ngumiti. "Good night, Riki."

Hindi niya na ako binigyan ng pagkakataong magsalita pa. Nang mapunasan na ang luha ay binuksan nito ang kaniyang kuwarto at pumasok na.

It was time for us to express ourselves. The time that I've been wanting to come—para makapag-usap na kami. But from what I can tell, he's too hurt to talk to anyone, just like I was these past few days. Naintindihan ko siya, pero marami talaga akong gustong sabihin sa kaniya. Marami akong mga katanungan na tanging siya lang ang makakasagot.

On what grounds did he provide a screenshot of our conversation with Nixie, or did he actually give Nixie something? I need to clarify things out. Sasabog na ang utak ko sa dami ng iniisip. 

I guess allowing him to talk to me whenever he wants wasn't enough. With the situation right now, I have to exercise patience. Kahit na kating-kati na akong kausapin niya, magbibigay pa ako ng oras. Patience. Right, Eden. Patience.

Sinuyod ko ng tingin ang buong palapag at babalakin na sanang bumaba ngunit naalala ko si Rafael kaya dumapo ang mga mata ko sa pintuan ng kuwarto niya.

Bigla akong nakaramdam ng kaba, pagkasabik, lungkot, at saya. Sari-sari. I'm not sure if I'll be able to get to his door step due to my conflicted emotions. But before I knew it, I found myself here, in front of his room.

Nakatitig ako sa doorknob, nagdadalawang isip kung kakatok o pipihitin ko ang door knob. Rafael never locks his door, which was one of the things I knew about him. His door is always open whenever Ruth would ask him for help.

Nag-ipon muna ako ng lakas na buksan ang pintuan. At nang sapat na ang lakas kong gawin ay nakapikit ako, inikot at binuksan ang pintuan.

I opened my eyes, releasing a heavy sigh.

I saw him sitting on the side of his bed, bowing his head down, with his face hidden by his two hands. My knees buckled. Hindi siya gumagalaw at nananatili lamang sa ganoong pwesto.

"Arf!" Coffee barked when he saw me.

Rafael remained in place despite the fact that his dog was already barking. Tumakbo papunta saakin si Coffee kaya hinalikan ko ang kaniyang ulo bago naglakad papalapit kay Rafael.

"I'm not done with it yet, Ruth. Your phone is too damaged, nahihirapan akong ayusin. . . I'm not even a technician," sabi nito, nakayuko pa rin habang nakatakpan ang mukha.

I sat next to him. Mahina at mabagal ang pag-upo ko. And when I did, I gently positioned my head on his right shoulder as well.

"Raffy," I whispered. "I missed you."

Dahil doon ay tinanggal niya ang mga kamay sa kaniyang mukha. Hindi siya tumingin saakin at diretso lang ang ulo nito. After a few seconds of waiting for him to speak, I sensed him crying because of how deeply he was breathing.

"Rafael," I called.

He glanced to his left rather than at me, and I scowled.

"Are you crying?" tanong ko at napabangon sa balikat niya.

"What do you want me to do? Fucking smile? Or laugh? What?" he said, voice is raspy and deep.

Humalakhak ako bilang sagot, iniinis siya.