Carrying the Real Trophy ✓

Chapter XX

XX: Worthless

"Eden?"

I gasped for air. I cannot breathe. I find what I'm seeing unbearable. Watching her kiss another man while her husband and daughter are suffering as a result of her deeds is oppressive. Wala pa talagang pinipiling lugar. . . sa harapan pa ng bahay. They're not scared being caught.

"M-Mom. . ." ulit ko, hindi na kinaya pa ang nakikita. I burst into tears more bitterly this time when I gazed down. "H-How could you. . ."

"Hey, Eden? Are you there?" rinig kong sabi ni Rafael sa kabilang linya pero hindi ko pa rin pinulot ang nahulog kong phone. "Eden?"

I don't know what to do.

I'm very disappointed. I'm enraged beyond belief! Not enraged that she hurt me again, but enraged that she did this when my father gave his life to her! He made her his queen, followed all of her orders, and gave everything for her. Lahat-lahat. Yet she did this. . . Sinira niya ang pamilya namin.

She called me as a disgrace, but in reality, she is the disgrace. When she told me I'm a mistake, she was actually talking to herself. I can't fathom how she could bring about such devastation. How could she. . . do this. How could she ruin and destroy our family!

Kaya pala. . . kaya pala ganoon si dad nitong mga nakaraang linggo. He might have known everything. And he remained silent because, despite everything she done, he still cares for and loves her. Kilala ko si dad. Alam ko kung gaano niya kamahal si mom.

Pinaghahampas ko ang manibela at nagwala sa loob ng kotse. I cannot control my feelings. I'm bursting! Fuck! I can't. . . I can't imagine how hard it was for my dad. . . kung paano niya tiisin ang sakit para lang manatili kaming buo.

Napakawalang-hiya nila. Napakatuso! Ang sakit. Ang sakit makita na ang sarili mong ina ay kinakalantari ang ama ng boyfriend mo!

I had assumed that I was the only one maintaining a secret, but my mother's is much worse than mine.

Hinintay ko silang makapasok. Tito Rodolfo went inside their house. I bet he doesn't know his wife is in the hospital. My mom, then, went inside our house. Calm and collected. Parang walang ginawang kasalanan at aasta ng reyna ng pamilya.

Before I parked my car in front of our house, I waited for several minutes. Saglit akong lumuha at nagmukmok sa loob dahil hindi ko pa rin matanggap. Hanggang sa magawa ko nang i-park ang kotse sa garahe, without picking up my phone. Naiwan ko iyon sa loob.

Bawat pagtapak ko sa loob ng bahay ay parang may tinik ako na natatapakan. Bawat hakbang ay may kaakibat na sakit. . . pighati. It seemed like this house wasn't even my house anymore. But a prison. She is the one who is downgrading my dad and I from outside the prison walls. My dad and I were the prisoners.

Tinanggap ko ang lahat ng mga binato niya saakin. Minahal ko siya. . . kahit sa tingin ko ay hindi niya ako tinuring na isang tunay na anak. My love remained because I believed she was changing after everything she did, but she only became worse!

She's the worst!

"Riki? Saan ka na naman pumunta?" rinig kong bulalas nito nang makita niya akong papasok.

Tumigil ako sa paglalakad.

"Don't tell me, nakipagkita ka kay Rafael? I ordered you to break up with him! Hindi mo pa rin ba nagagawa?!" mabilis na sigaw niya at nilapitan ako.

Tumaas ang tingin ko, bagot siyang tiningnan. She has this horrible face and it always looks like she wants to kill me. She wants to get rid of me like I'm her filthy, disgusting daughter. I always see it. Now, I can no longer stand it.