Icing Those Hurts (NOT MY STORY. READ DISC)

Part 37

Opening the door to Sapnap's room and seeing Tommy there, buried under covers and tucked into Sapnap's chest is the best thing that Wilbur has seen his whole time being at the Olympics.

"Tommy," Wilbur breathes, and he can hear Schlatt, just behind him, sigh in relief. Tommy stirs a little, and Sapnap's arms around him loosen just enough for him to wiggle away if he wants.

Tommy doesn't, but he watches Wilbur and Schlatt with equal wariness.

"Tommy," Wilbur says again, just to say his name and not have the taste of fear stuck to it. Tommy is here, with them, he's safe. His coach won't be able to get him when he's in here. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, I can't imagine-"

"No." Schlatt says suddenly, cutting Wilbur off. Wilbur looks at him, prepared to argue, but he's stunned by the look in Schlatt's eyes- that guilt, that uncharactristic angry sheen of tears that Wilbur knows only comes when he's pissed at himself. "No, Wil, stop. You didn't do shit and you know it. I'm the one who should be apologizing to you, Tommy. That paper? That bet? That was all me, and I'm sorry. It was fucking stupid, and even worse than that it was cruel. It hurt you and I- If I knew it would've done that, then you have to believe that I never would've written it up."

"I thought-" Tommy starts, stops, his voice failing him. He tries again though, fighting for it. "I thought that it was all...fake. That you didn't mean any of that stuff you said. That I was just fun for you to-"

"Don't," Schlatt bites, pained. "Don't finish that. Please, Tommy, I can't-"

"I have never said anything that I didn't mean, Tommy," Wilbur says. "You are my friend and I care so much about you. I was a fucking idiot and ended up hurting you, and if you don't forgive me, then that's okay. I just need you to know that it wasn't on purpose. I would never joke about loving you."

"You love me?"

" We love you. And we have from the first time we talked to you."

Tears spring into Tommy's eyes, and this time, he does wiggle out of Sapnap's hold and crawls forward and reaches out for Wilbur. Wilbur immediately indulges, curling his arms around the boy's shoulders and pulling him close.

"I'm sorry," Wilbur whispers, he feels like he's trying to squeeze the apology into Tommy. It's the only thing he can say. All those days Tommy spent alone, this week and every other before it. Wilbur wants to apologize for them all. No one else will. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," Tommy says, equally quiet. "I forgive you. All of you."

Wilbur pulls away, his vision blurry. "You're so strong. You're so strong, sunshine."

Tommy pauses, and then Wilbur realizes his mistake. "Shit- fuck, I'm- jesus, sorry, I just-"

"No," Tommy frowns a bit, looking thoughtful. "You...why do you call me that?"

"Huh?"

"Why do you call me that? Sunshine?"

Wilbur has no clue where to start. Because I love you? Because it's a nice thing and you don't get many of those, so I want to give you one that no one can take away? Because you bring me joy? Because your existence is a marvel to me?

And yes, all of those are true, all of them matter, but- Wilbur thinks of that second figure skating practice he had with Tommy. The one where he went spinning across the ice and Tommy laughed- a true, real laugh- or, he thinks of that hockey scrimmage, the one where Tommy pulled himself to his feet and beamed like he just realized he could be happy without punishment. All the small slips, all the ghostly chuckles, all the pieces of quiet joy. Wilbur cherishes them all. Wilbur holds them close to his chest.

"Because," Wilbur answers, a little choked up, "your happiness- it's like the first warm day after a long cold winter. The first rays of sun when you've been freezing. I wish I could see it all the time."

Tommy's eyes widen. "Oh." He's quiet, thinking. "My coach calls me snowflake."

"Well then he's stupid and an asshole." He scoffs. "Because you're the brightest thing out there, Tommy. You're not cold or stuck up, and the fact that we ever thought you were- the fact that anyone could think that-"

"Soot, you talk too much." Schlatt grumbles. Wilbur closes his mouth. Then Schlatt leans forward and cups Tommy's cheek. Tommy leans into the hand with a content sigh.

"I'm not good with words," he says. "I'm better with actions. But I gotta say- I've played half of the toughest guys out there. I play with the other half. You, Tommy, are the strongest person I've ever met. And it isn't fair, but that doesn't make it any less true."

Then, Schlatt leans forward and presses his lips to Tommy's curls. When he pulls back, Tommy's eyes are wet.

"Oh."

"Yeah, so-" Schlatt coughs awkwardly. "Next time you see some shit that makes you upset, you better come beat my ass. That would fucking hurt less, I think."

Tommy smiles, then sees Wilbur looking and smiles bigger. Yeah, Wilbur was right. Sunshine.