Castiel X reader

Chapter 1: Lazarus Rising

y/n's POV:

Four months, four grueling long months since I had to, I had to bury my brother. My oldest brother who has always been there for me and my other older brother Sam. That's the thing about us Winchesters we will always save each other. No matter what even if that means giving up our soul for the other, that's what Dean did to save Sam. I still remember that night as clearly as Crystal Sam had gone missing.

He had just walked into a little diner to get us some greasy food for us to make to the next crap motel. I now regret not taking it and truly enjoy the same everyday banter that I got from Sam and Dean. Because the next moment everyone was dead in that small simple diner and Sam was missing, sulfur powder being only left. leaving Dean and me knowing precisely what it was. The next day was a blur getting Bobby's help and finding out what had happened to the roadhouse and Ash and not even knowing if Ellen was in the wreckage. When we found out where Sam was I got this rush of hope and peace that everything was going to be okay. I should have known with our lives nothing really happens to inspire those feelings.

 Dean was breaking every speed limit to get there of course he was he would for anyone he loved. As soon as the Impala had screeched to a stop I jumped out running towards the town. Hearing Sam's voice grunting I ran faster than I ever thought I could. There he was standing as the tall giant that he was hurt but okay. Dean was not that far behind and together we called his name together " Sammy!" "Sam!".

Then I saw that goofy smile fall off his face as the blade had made its way into his back. In that second it was like the world had stopped and the sounds around me had turned into static. All that I did was fall down on my knees sobbing and screaming "SAM NO!". Bobby came up behind me and hugged me and whispered "It's okay'' trying to hold himself back to be strong for his kids because to me Bobby had always taken more care of us than John had done.

Then there was Dean holding Sam again like he was just that little baby again, feeling like he had failed his father whose words ran through his head at 100 miles saying "YOU HAD ONE JOB PROTECT SAM AND Y/N" and he couldn't even do that he thought. The next few hours didn't even feel like that time had passed.

All I focused on was Sam like he was just taking a nap and would wake up saying that he could use some coffee not from the motel room. I didn't hear Dean and Bobby talking or Bobby leaving. I knew Dean was destroying himself. I just didn't think he would practically do it. Since my eyes would not leave Sam at all.

I felt Dean kissing my head saying he would be back and the door slamming behind him and the impala roaring away. I just sat there thinking why me, why my family, why did we have to suffer for others to live? Like God had heard me Sam sprong up and gasping for air like he was trying to catch up to the air that had left when it was replaced with that blade. I knew as soon Sam came back I knew what Dean had done I wanted to cry all over again.

I wanted to scream and hit him but I understood why he did it. Because he is Dean Winchester and he would do anything for his little brother and sister. When Sam found out he was rightfully pissed and told Dean we would find a way out and Dean quietly dismissed it knowing not for everything he ever wanted he would let that happen.

The next year we fought and killed demons and monsters, as usual, Sam kept on saying that we would get Dean out. I was already trying to grieve Dean so it wouldn't hit me as much. The Night it happened it didn't matter that I tried to prepare, it was like deja vu from the year before. Instead this time we had lost the one person who promised he would always protect us.

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