Screaming Silently- Tom Kaulitz

backlash

I woke up to the sounds of music. I turned around to look at the clock. Its 1:42! What the fuck I told Michaela to wake me up in an hour if I didn't wake up.
Where is that music coming from?
I walked out of my room now I was in the hallway and I turned to look at Michaela's door.
That's where the music is coming from the fuck is the reason she is playing music at 1:45 at night!
I knocked more like banging on her door.

Who is it? I heard Michaela say

Who the fuck you think it is? I said mad

I don't know that's why I asked.

Well it's Amber and open up now!

Ok, ok no need to get mad.

Yes there is.
Right when I said that she opened the door I looked at her eyes and noticed that it was blood shot red.

What the hell happened to your eye I said sounding confused and concern.

Mmm.. don't get angry.

Now I'm gonna get angry just because you told me not to.

No its nothing bad but..... I have some weed on me she said in a smirk.

What! Where did you get weed from and can you turn down this music its getting on my nerves!

Yeah no problem come take a seat she told me

I looked her up and down I couldn't even tell if that was her or not.
I never seen her on drugs before.
I know that she was going through some problems but I never thought she would do drugs to fix it.

This isn't like you I know the real Michaela would never do drugs even though she had been through a lot she would just take those problems and throw it out on the street she would never do what you're going! I screamed in tears.

Well I guess you don't know the real Michaela because I would do these things. See I been struggling with something.
everything that's been going through my life but I never show it.
so at the middle of the night I would do drugs so I could feel alive so that I won't make a bad decision that could end my life.
I know that I hide a lot of things but you need to understand that I'm not okay.
I'm not doing so well but these drugs are helping me get through that.

These drugs are not helping you it's making you worse than you already were.  that these drugs are making you feel depressed so you want to do more.
This is not a good idea I know that you have been through some fucked up shit but this is not the path to go in.
To fix your life up and your mind you need to do what makes you happy
I know that you say drugs makes you happy but no it makes you worse
I don't want to see you like this it hurts me to see you like this
You should have told me instead of keeping this a secret
how long has this been going on for?

At this point I was busting out with tears.
I didn't want her to take the wrong path In life I didn't want to see her on the news saying 'Michaela a 19 year old caught doing drugs'.
She just stared at me not saying a thing I could see in her eyes that she wanted to cry but hold it inside of her I wanted to give her a hug but I was mad at her for not telling me this and keeping it a secret from me.
I could have helped her I could have made her stop doing it before it got out of hand but now she has to face the consequences.
And I know that she didn't like one bit.

I'm sorry I should have told you about this I just wasn't thinking right. She said looking at the floor so her head was down.

Yeah you should have told me.
You look tired get some rest and uhh I will make breakfast today you don't have too.
I said feeling bad for yelling at her.