Maybe This Time

09

I lay in bed, my arm behind my head as I stared up at the ceiling. There was a lump in my throat and I tried not to glance at the window, where the light of Willow's room shone through. I huff, running my fingers through my hair as I try to close my eyes and sleep.

I turned to the side, trying to get Willow out of my mind, but it wouldn't work. Then, the sound of faint music filled my ears and I slowly got out of bed, walking over to my open window. I move the blinds out of the way as I stare into Willow's room. Her window was wide open and she was playing music as she stood in the middle of the room, rubbing her hands over her clear face before she pulled her hair out of the bun she had it in. Her afro hair springs out and frames her face, and I smile slightly.

Then, when she grips the bottom of her dress, I quickly look away, closing my eyes and stumbling back into my bed. I'm not a weirdo. I'm not a stalker. I'm a gentleman, and instead of staring outside my window as someone gets changed, I'll get into bed and try my damn hardest to go to sleep so that I don't end up falling deeper than I already have.

Now, as I stare up at the ceiling, I believe that Malcolm is completely correct. I do like Willow. As more than a friend. And I'm not sure how I feel about it.

Lola, the girl that has spoken to me at the party, realised that I really wasn't worth her time and I had no interest in doing whatever she had assumed I would have done with her. I didn't have the heart to sleep with random women, something that Malcolm excels at. So, I had bid her goodbye and spent my time playing beer pong with Everett and a bunch of random other guys.

So now, I'm incredibly drunk and absolutely not ready for the splitting headache that the next day brings for me. Whoopa-fucking-doo.

***

I got out of the gate at the exact same time as Willow, We both froze when we spotted each other, and her car keys were loose in her hand. I clear my throat, rubbing the tip of my nose and stuffing my hands into my pockets.

Last night, I saw the way Obi kissed her, and I don't know what's going on between them, but I know I don't want to get into the middle of it with my stupid feelings. If it means avoiding her so that I don't fall deeper, then that is what I'll do. Obviously, that's difficult to do when we're literally neighbours. There's no way for the both of us to avoid each other.

"Hi." She says, waving hesitantly. I smile tightly at her.

"Hi." I replied, nodding my head once. "How are you?" I asked her, and she furrowed her eyebrows slightly.

"I'm... good." She replies hesitantly. "Is- is everything okay? Why is it so awkward right now?" She asked, crossing her arms over her chest. Today, she wore a green halterneck top, matching it with blue, flared jeans. Something about Willow is that all her outfits look absolutely beautiful on her. Fashion is a big passion of hers.

"I don't know." I shrugged my shoulders. "I think... we've spent so long apart from each other that we don't really know how to be best friends anymore." I told her, and the words burnt my tongue and my throat as I said them. Willow chuckles, shaking her head and running her hand through the end of her tied up hair.

"We may not be best friends, but we can still hang out, right?" She asked, and I frowned.

"I only moved away for two years." I state quietly, lowering my gaze to the ground between us. "You said you'd wait for me." I told her, lifting my eyes to hers.

She shrugs her shoulders, her body sagging as she stares up at me. "And I changed in that time, Ennis." She states. "I went from being an insecure fifteen year old to an adult. I grew up and moved on." She tells me, and I swallow the lump in my throat.

Willow made me nervous. Whenever she opened her mouth, I felt like running in the opposite direction. I don't know how to feel about it. I don't even know if it's a good thing, or not.

"You said you'd wait." I repeat.

"And I did!" She exclaims, throwing her hands into the air. "There wasn't a day where I didn't think about you, Ennis." Willow admits, and my mouth parts slightly in shock. "Do you think I'd throw away fifteen years of friendship because your parents made you move? That's something that was out of your control. But, now..." I feel my heart sag. "Things are different. I'll be honest, Ennis, I never thought I'd see you again. I never thought either of us would question our friendship, but here we are." She shrugs her shoulders.

"I'm not que-"

"You are." Willow nods her head. I look up at her, and her head is tilted to the side and her eyebrows are furrowed and there's a deep frown on her face. "You're worried that things aren't the same, and I get that. But... we have to give it time. We need to adjust to having each other back." She states. But that's exactly the problem.

Willow may have me back, but I don't have her. In fact, I feel like I'm losing her more and more every time we talk. She doesn't need me anymore. She's perfectly fine without me. The problem is, I need her. I need her like I need air to survive. I need her like a plant needs water. But, Willow is slipping out of my fingers and she's turning to dust and no matter how hard I try to get a grip on her, she's slipping out of my fingers.

I'm fighting with my head and my heart and right now, neither are winning.

"Let's just cool it for now." Willow sighs, shaking her head. "Let's take our time and do this right. We can't go back to being teenagers with no responsibilities." Her eyebrows furrowed. I nod my head slowly, lowering my gaze once again. The sight of her burned me. I can't take anymore scolding.

"I understand." I nod my head. Willow clears her throat and unlocks her car. I watch as she opens the driver's door and gets in, not sparing me a second glance as she drives to college. My tongue is against the side of my cheek as I watch her drive away, and I huff, running my hand roughly through my hair.

Life is going great.